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InACitySoNice
member
My Cat Hates My 3 Year Old. What Would You Do?
InACitySoNice
member
He's perfectly healthy, no medical problems, nothing. Fine. But he hates my DD. When she runs, he attacks her feet, scratches her legs (sometimes the SoftPaws come off and it's hard to find time to calm and reattach them), hisses and growls at her ...
She screams, cries, but honestly, she baits him. I've tried since she could walk to get her to be nice to him, but she won't. And now it's an all-out war.
I hate it. I hate screaming at my cat (like that works at all), I hate punishing her for baiting him ... My friend/vet says to get rid of the cat.
What would you do?
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Re: My Cat Hates My 3 Year Old. What Would You Do?
i have no idea what i would do. that has got to be so tough. i would be torn up if that happened with my cats and baby.
ugh.
can you try a cat-calming gimmick? feliway (the pheromones) or something else? we used to give our cats this liquid called "good cat" (no joke), it came in a blue bottle only at petco, and it really did change their behavior. they were acting up all night and once they started it they were a lot more mellow. we used it on and off for months and now they seem ok at night.
is he afraid of water? maybe you can squirt him any time he's near your daughter?
good luck!
Wow. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Can you have the cat in another room that DD never goes in?
Obviously kids will always come before animals, but I would HATE to have to give a cat away.
Ultimately you may have to. I hope you can find a great home!
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
We tried Feliway ...Sigh. And we live in an apt., so we don't have much space.
I love my big boy. LOVE him. He's nice to everyone but DD.
Let me preface this by saying that I do not have the "pet gene." Not a big fan of most pets.
Get rid of the cat. Period. The last thing you would want is for the cat to injure your daughter.
Wow that is tough. I have 2 cats and so far they are great with Katie but she is not a toddler yet. Clearly finding a new home for your cat is a last option (as it would be for me too). This may sound crazy but if you have exhausted other options have you considered trying a cat whisperer? I know it sounds silly but maybe it would help. It works for dogs so why not cats? I know I would be willing to try anything. I hope this gets better.
I would post this on the Pets board (minus the part about getting rid of your cat) - there are several ladies there who have either trained their cats to do amazing things or have cats + kids (or dogs + kids). Can you gate off one room so the cat has a place to hide?
I would try the squirt bottle with the cat (hook it onto your pocket or belt so you always have it), and I would work on your daughter giving the cat some space. It's never a bad idea for kids to learn how to interact with animals, be kind to them, and respect them/be safe around them. Even if you dump your cat (which you absolutely shouldn't), you don't want her to assume she can harass other cats (or dogs) and get off with a few scratches or that the cat has softpaws. She might harass a grumpier cat and end up getting bitten and badly scratched. And you wouldn't let her hit people or bite - I'm not at that stage yet, but is there any strategy people use to teach their kids not to hit or bite (other than whatever you are doing with her now)?
ETA: I give the side-eye to any vet who says to get rid of an animal - they should know how hard it is to find a good home for perfect animals, much less ones with behavioral problems.
There may also be a behaviorist in your area that either specializes in cats or works with animals in general - they can help solve these kinds of problems.
https://www.iaabc.org/suchen/display_consultant.php
I think as DD gets older it might become less of an issue so I personally would try to find a band aid fix for now.
Our cat's not thrilled with the boys. Granted - she doesn't attack them but she does spend almost all day long under the bed or in our closet. Is it the ideal life? Not really. But she mostly sleeps all day anyway so what does it matter WHERE she sleeps. She's learned to come out at nap time, bath time and once they're in bed. Over time she ventures out more and if they're being calm she now even lets them pet her. It's been baby steps but we're all adjusting.
Could you lock the cat in your room during the day making a special effort to get the cat out during naps and after bed time?
I'd try that for at least a few months before re-homing him.
I will second the squirt bottle or soda can of pennys. Cats are usually pretty easy to train for avoidance.
Seems like some other options might need to be tried before attempting to rehome. Especially if you really love the cat.
And ask yourself: Can you envision this behavior happening when DD is 6 or 7? My brother's cat was an ankle nipper when his kids were toddlers but could care less about them once they became more sedate and not as close to the ground at older ages (and not egging the cat on).
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
That's a really tough situation. Is this a sudden thing or has the cat always not liked your daughter?
Does the cat get any stimulation/play time? It almost sounds like he might be trying to "play" with your daughter. With my two cats, one will chase the other whenever she walks/runs by. The growling and hissing is definitely a concern -- do you think it's his way of saying "leave me alone?" My older cat does it to the younger one all the time -- it's usually a warning that she doesn't want him near her.
We've used Rescue Remedy with the younger cat and it does seem to help him calm down. We add it to the water and also rub it directly on his inner ears.
We in the same situation.
I wouldn't say Neko hates G, but certainly does not want him anywhere close. He hisses at G, and swats him if G gets too close.
Like your DD, G baits Neko.
I'm not getting rid of Neko! Neko is my kid too and he's been part of our family for the past 8 years. I can't let go of a relationship like that. We've tried Felliway (also didn't work), and we've worked w/ a cat behavioralist (with little effect).
While unpleasant, I address the "kid" causing the problem at the time. If Neko starts it, I isolate him to the kitchen. If G does, honestly? I let him get swatted. Neko hisses at him for a reason, and he needs to learn to communicate and respect him too.
Does your cat have enough high-spaces to get away from your DD? In an apartment I know it's hard to do, but cat's like height and being able to see the room from all angles. Perhaps giving him that access might help.
My heart goes out to you,
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