Pretty sure I have PPD, BUT ??

Hello ladies!  Long story and I have done a lot of research but need some help in figuring it out...I was depressed in my teen years and on and was on an anti-depressent and anti-anxiety meds when I got pregnant.  Went off of them, had a difficult and stressful pregnancy due to a crazy BD!  Ok, after I gave birth, I had the normal baby blues I guess and when she was 2 months old, we broke up and that is the last time he has even seen her but that is a whole different story.  So I have been a single, working full time mother for most of her life.  Back in Nov...I started feeling really angry inside and made an appt. with a counselor through my work...they pay for like 11 visits per year.  I went to about 3 and really liked the lady I talked to.  She diagnosed me with PTSD because of a few horrible events in my past.  I went to my PCP and she prescribed Lexapro.  I started feeling better after a couple of weeks, stopped going to therapy because my mom had a hysterectomy (I live with her and she needed my help).  OK...about 1 month ago, one of my best guy friends who I have known since I was 3 hung himself, comitted suicide and it just rocked my world.  I have started not being able to eat much, really anxious inside and the other night, Cadance was going through the separation anxiety like usual and in my head, I thought, I do not like this child.  I told my mom the feelings I was having and she said that PPD can strike anytime the first year after giving birth...Cadance will be 1 year old in 3 weeks.  Could I have it?  I have never thought about my own baby like that until recently and I feel awful!  Help ladies! Could it be PPD?  My mom said that it occurs alot in women who were depressed before pregnancy, had a difficult pregnancy, etc.  I think I might make an appt. to see my doc and get back on Lexapro and Xanax now that I am not BF'ing anymore..TIA!!