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3rd Trimester
everyone deserves a shower
bear with me on this one.
i'm NOT suggesting that anyone deserves to be showered with gifts or have specific big-ticket items purchased for them by friends and family.
but... it always makes me sad when women post that their friends and family drop the ball and now they're not having a shower. in my mind showers are a time to get together with a group of friends/family and celebrate a precious baby because all babies are special. when family and friends drop the ball it always makes me think, everyone deserves to feel special (gifts don't do that, but family and friends getting together on your behalf does!)
i don't know how i feel about second shower/sprinkles. they kinda creep me out because there should be LESS than ZERO pressure to buy a second, third time mom baby items, but could the mommy's friends take her out to lunch (even if everyone pays for themself) yes. just a little, "we love ya, congrats on the bundle" is never a bad thing.
but that's just my opinion
This discussion has been closed.
Re: everyone deserves a shower
I agree with you. I'm sure some people will not for whatever reason, but for me it just seems like a nice gesture to celebrate the baby. The gifts are nice, but besides that, it's a nice time to all come together and celebrate the mother (and father), more than anything. I see it as a strong womanly bond thing.
That said, I have an old friend who is having her baby this week, who I wanted to throw a shower for, some months ago. I recenly moved here and got back in touch with her, and we happened to be pregnant at the same time. She has some friends around here, she works here, and her family is not around here. I told her, I'd love to throw a little party for you, with any of your friends, coworkers, relatives, and it turned out she really didn't want one. It might be a problem with being the center of attention or something. So, I guess the point is - to each their own.
This is the only reason I want a shower.
It was the only reason I wanted one for DS1 and the ONLY reason we'll let our friends do a little "Come Meet the Baby open house" after DS2 comes.
I wholeheartedly agree it's super nice to get everyone together, but I completely disagree with the "deserving" a shower
A shower is a gift that someone give to you. The literal definition of shower is to "shower the parents to be with gifts"
Some people will never get engaged. It's sad, but maybe someone will never ask them. Does that mean they should buy themselves engagement rings? That's ridiculous and sad.
If no one throws you a shower, you simply don't get one. It's ludicrous to throw yourself a shower, just like it's ludicrous to buy yourself an engagement ring because no one else did.
I agree that every baby should be celebrated. Every single one is special. It isn't about gifts, that isn't important. What is important is sharing in the event or momment itself. Some people just got the short end of the stick with family members and it makes me sad for them.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
all of this.
I don't understand the mindset that everyone "deserves" one. But then again, I don't think I need a party thrown for me to feel "special", either. Its simply something nice if someone decides to throw one for you. I don't think adults "deserve" a birthday party every year, either. Call me crazy.
I think those are apples and oranges, really. What I believe the OP to be referring to is the simple fact that *most* expectant mothers would have at least a small twinge of sadness somewhere if there were no gathering to honor her impending bundle. Being happy about a baby does not equal purchasing yourself a $15k ring to make yourself feel better, it really doesn't.
Also, I've never seen or thought of a shower as an elaborate plan for someone to get presents from random people. To me, they've been happy occasions where people get together to play games, eat pink or blue cake, and to goo and gah over the fact that someone is having a baby. And I truly do believe that each person deserves that kind of happiness.
I guess I don't understand why it takes a shower for one to feel that kind of happiness or feel "special." I think its sad that so many people, apparently, don't feel special, or don't feel that others are thinking about them, unless they have an organized party in their honor. Thats what I don't get. It makes me feel sad, actually, that others feel that way.
But then again, I hate to be the center of attention, and I come from a family/circle of friends that are good at expressing that they care and are thinking about each other.
I agree- thanks for posting this. It drive me nuts when people are talking about their five showers and then comment on how rude it is to be involved in your own shower. They don't understand.
My mom and brother didn't talk to me for weeks because of a comment I never made that they didn't ask me about. I almost didn't get a shower because of it, and just moved back to the area so I don't have tons of people I know here. My best friend is throwing mine, but she's so overwhelmed with so much going on that I got invites out and I am available to help with anything. I've been out of the country for a while and really look forward to spending the time with the family and friends that can make it.
I didn't get a shower. Not because I didn't want one, but because not one person offered. Both of my parents are deceased and MIL lives in AZ. My closest friend is a 6 hour drive away. We don't really know our neighbors, and DH's work is all guys.
Honestly, it irks me to see the posts where girls whine about their 3rd work shower or how nothing was bought off the registry. Be thankful you're getting a shower at all. DH and I have already bought everything for the baby ourselves, we're just waiting now. But, it would have been really nice just to have a get together and some cake to celebrate this new person. I know I'm an adult and I should put on my big girl panties and not let it bother me, but I can't help but feel a little sad that no one in our life wanted to.
Just my 2 cents.
I've never once been to any shower for any occassion where a decent chunk of time wasn't spent opening presents.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Okay, let's not assume that people who enjoy gatherings are insecure. That's a bit of a stretch. It is human nature for each person to want to feel special once in a while, to be recognized, and to be happy. Blame it on my psych background, but it's true. So you don't have to feel sad for anyone who would want an opportunity to have that type of gathering.
Many families / circle of friends wouldn't have it any other way than to honor their pregnant loved one and put them in the center of attention, at least where I am from. It's a big affair!
I didn't say they felt insecure just because they enjoyed gatherings. I was responding to OP.s who said that showers were necessary because everyone should feel special or happy. My point was, if someone doesn't feel special or happy without a shower, that makes me sad.
I think part of the problem is using the word "Shower"
Every baby should have a little something, bbq.... coffee with friends... something that marks the event as worthy of recognition.
I agree that throwing one's own shower is a no-no.... so if you want to celebrate your baby, and no one else is lifting a finger send out an evite for a bbq or a dinner party and call it a pre-baby party, last hurrah for a little while, whatever and have some friends over, supply them with wine and let them toast your new addition.
KWIM?
This I have less of a problem with. I think people try to justify that a shower isn't about gifts (although they are). If every baby should be celebrated, thats fine....but it doesn't automatically mean it has to be something were gifts are obligatory.
So I do understand this POV....and you can throw it yourself if its not a shower, so that solves that problem.
My heart breaks for those that aren't getting a shower thrown for them. It's really very sad. But I also feel that it's still not ok for them to ask someone to throw a shower or to throw their own. Sometimes life doesn't work out perfectly and life can be a bummer. But it doesn't make it ok to be rude or inconsiderate of others. And imo, that's what throwing your own shower or asking somebody is.
I want to reiterate that I feel very bad for people who don't have showers thrown for them. But, it is what it is. It's not something people deserve, but something people like and want. If you want to celebrate your baby and don't care about gifts, have a dinner party or a meet the baby party. But don't call it a shower, because the meaning of shower is for the mom to get gifts.
Whatever, tit for tat. Her opinion is that she wishes everyone the chance to feel special, or extra special for that special event in her life. Everyone should feel special or happy sometimes in their lives. I am sure a woman will still feel that way with or without a shower, so again, no need to feel sad for the general population. It, in my opinion, equates to what if each birthday passed without as much as a single call, or if no one wanted to be a part of your wedding?
I guess on this site, where showers are a constant topic of conversation and seem to be celebrated every day, one has every human right to feel a little down if there is no prospect of a shower in their horizon. As I said, human nature.
ETA: Please substitute my use of "shower" with "party." I agree that semantics are important.
Very well said!!
I NEVER said I felt sad for the general population. I simply said I felt sad for those who don't feel special unless they have a shower. I realize that is a minority.
A comparision would be if your bday passed without a party, not a phone call. Thats my point, actually. I would hope peoples' loved ones are doing things like calling and checking in...and I feel sad if they don't have that.
Agree, throw a little get together, but don't call it a shower. Sorry but I really think it's pathetic to throw your own
I do think everyone deserves to be happy and feel special, but if no one steps up to the plate to throw a shower, that's just too bad. Sorry if that comes across as mean, but seriously, that's just the way it is.