I just want to freaking scream

jkmcnamara · March 2010

I swear, I'm going mother effing nuts anymore. IF is absolutely consuming my life. I'm getting so depressed I can't even stand it anymore. I noticed I'm drinking more than usual, too, and I'm not talking about Crystal Light.

Every single pregnant woman pisses me off anymore. All I have to do is look at her and I instantly hate her (excluding you ladies who are pregnant after IF). I was watching 19 Kids and Counting and I got so MAD at Michelle Duggar...she gets 19 kids and I get NOTHING?

My mom just called and I'm just not in the mood to talk to her. I feel a little bad because I think I hurt her feelings. All she ever talks about is how my dumb little sister is pregnant and how excited she is. She kept pushing me to talk because she knew I was upset. I know I sounded irritated with her and kept insisting I'm fine. I'm NOT fine. But I DON'T want to talk to her about it.

I'm 22. TWENTY TWO years old. The idea of living with IF for another second, let alone 80 years or whatever, panics me. I can't do it. I really don't know if I can. I keep saying to myself "God never gives you more than you can handle".

Maybe I could handle this...if I was a stronger person. I feel so BROKEN. I'm 22...I should be happy. I'm young, in reasonably good health, married to a good man who loves me and I love back, I love my job...I have SO many blessings. But my IF overshadows it all. And because of my specific IF, I feel like a freak. Like a mistake.

I just don't think I can go on anymore. I'm sinking down low. And I don't know how to swim back up Storm

I may DD this later...

jannasmith · March 2010

Hey there...

I am glad you have a safe place to vent about this. It IS awful that you have to go through this, that we all have to go through this. It's unfair. It's not the kind of thing that you expect to have to deal with, especially at such a young age. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk or anything!

{{{{HUGS}}}

Bucks1975 · March 2010

My heart went out to you as I read your post. I don't know what to say, I just want to give you a big (((hug))).

Sarahp63 · March 2010

(((Hugs)))) I am sorry you are having such a sh*tty time with this. I am 25 and I also feel like all of this nuts to be feeling at my age. Its not fair and we are all here for you. Dont forget you are not alone!

brody8336 · March 2010

I am so sorry. =( I was just having this exact conversation with DH this morning. I have succeeded at everything else I have put my mind to, but IF sometimes overshadows all of it because I feel like such a failure. I don't have any advice, just know that you are not alone. Hugs.

Angel1122 · March 2010

JK, I just wanted to send lots of ((((hugs)))) I know exactly how you feel, I am having one of those IF days myself. I have a hard time understanding why people don't get the "I don't want to talk about it" sometimes that just adds unnecessary stress IMO. IF is such an overwhelming part of my life as well, like you, I have an abundance of blessings, but IF overshadows everything and it sucks. Venting to people in a similar boat helps sometimes, I'm here if you need to talk.

waitingforbaby#2 · March 2010

((((hugs))))

Babsie7 · March 2010

I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much, it really isn't fair. Sometimes I feel like the only people who really understand are those dealing with IF, we are all here to support you. Vent as much as you need to, we're here for you. (((hugs)))

albjag · March 2010

((hugs))

It is hard and very overwhelming and I'm sure maybe harder for you b/c your situation is different. But everyone's IF is different- so we all can relate, and vent/share/support. Don't feel like a freak- that makes me sad when you say that. You are a beautiful, strong, mature, wonderful woman who I haven't even met in real life, but I know that you are a very supportive, giving person just from seeing you online.

If you're like me, you're strong and a bit stubborn and you feel you have to carry all this yourself. But you have not only this board, but you also have professionals who can help. Sometimes seeing a counselor can help. I think we put a lot on ourselves and sometimes we need help.

So if you think you need more help than just venting on this board, please seek out a counselor. I bet you'll find it will help you in many aspects of your life.

Other ideas: meditation, accupuncture- these can help with stress.

If you need anything or more venting- feel free to message me- you know how to find me- even on FB. For real. :-)

((Hugs)) And remember, take it one day at a time.

amymacjrethel · March 2010

You are not alone!!!! We all feel the heartbreak that IF brings. Hang in there! *hug*

MerryMarisa · March 2010

JK, I'm so sorry. I've definitely been there and everything you're feeling is normal. I would highly recommend an IF therapist; I'm seeing one and it has done wonders for me. ((( hugs )))

DrVWife · March 2010

Vent away! That is what we are all here for. Lots of hugs to you.

jds0521 · March 2010

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry jk. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. Have you considered going to a support group or to speak to an IF counselor? I did both & it helped me tremendously to feel a little better about our situation. the bottom line is IF sucks - no two ways around that, but if you get an IRL support group, made up of women who know how you feel & what your going thru, then it'll probably help you not feel so isolated. Sending tons of T&P your way.

Want a personalized experience?

I just want to freaking scream

Re: I just want to freaking scream

Choose Another Board

Search Boards