kids in church-VERY long
I'm a pretty bad Catholic, and for Lent I figured I'd go to mass every Sunday and take my kids. DH doesn't go to church, so this would be just me with the 1 year old and 2 1/2 year old. I chose the "children's mass" at the church closest to me (which I actually just registered at this month), thinking that would be the best one to attend with two kids under 3. I talked to Cedric in advance, reminding him that we need to be quiet in church.
Last week went okay. Minor noises from both, but the baggie of cheerios and small (quiet) toys I brought seemed to occupy them for most of the time. I also had managed to find a good sort of out of the way spot, so their minor antics went mostly unnoticed, although Cedric complained that he couldn't see anything. I had to take them to the back once, but we went back to our pew and managed to stay until communion. I left right afterwards, not trying to push our luck.
This week was NOT okay. My son was THAT kid. I got there late and the only seats were up at the front. I thought that was good so that at least Cedric could see the altar. The lady next to me was gracious when I put down the kneeler so Cedric could stand on it to see the altar.
But the homily this week was soooo long, he just couldn't take it. He kept leaving the pew and talking fairly loudly or banging the pew, and Graciela was squirming so much and starting to whine. So after a while, I brought them to the back of the church. Cedric started to cry, saying he wanted to sit down. I told him (again) that we need to be quiet in church and sit in our chairs and listen when the priest is talking. There were lots of other families standing in the back, and one of the moms saw Cedric crying on my legs and said, "it's just too much for them, which is why I leave my little one at home." The others either ignored me or gave me looks.
Cedric quieted down after a bit, so I took them back to our seats at the presentation of the gifts, and they were okay for a few minutes. The folks around me were kind, even giving me smiles at the sign of peace. Then the kids started getting rambunctious again and wanted no part of the toys I'd brought. Graciela kept pulling the missallette books out of the pocket and dropping them to the floor, or worse, trying to eat them. I gave Cedric the job of picking them up, and he was doing it, not too quietly, and the old lady behind us must have had enough, b/c she wrestled one of the books from him and wagged her finger at him, telling him "no." Both kids were talking now or just, well, behaving like a 1 and almost 3 year old. I just looked up at the statue of the blessed virgin and prayed for patience.
Then it was time for communion. The PRIEST CAME DIRECTLY OVER TO ME AND SERVED ME COMMUNION FIRST AND SAID "GOD BE WITH YOU" in a sympathetic voice. And he blessed the kids. I was so embarrassed. Talk about not blending in! And the other thing about it was that now we didnt' get to go up to get it. I was looking forward to being able to walk them up there--to get any movement for these kids rather than having to keep them in their seats any longer. And Cedric so wanted to go get a communion wafer, which he can't do yet b/c he's so young. But he had to keep seeing people go get one, it was like torture for him, and he kept saying, "I want some, too! I want some, too!" And it was getting louder and louder. And Graciela was squirming again and starting to whine--it was close to nap time for her.
So I decided, well, we made it through communion and mass is almost over, so maybe we should just go.
Whoa boy. This is when it really hit the fan. I stood up and took Cedric by the hand to leave, and he started to come with me, and then he realized we were leaving and not going to communion, and he started. "I want some too! I want some too!! I want some too!!!!" was followed by, "I want to sit!!! I want to sit!!! I want to go to church!!!!!!!!" I literally had to drag him kicking and screaming out of church during communion, fighting the communion line the whole way. I am lucky to have gotten out alive. He continued to scream all the way to the car. And in the car all the way home.
SO, I'm wondering if the lady in back was right, if it's just too much for them? Is it just that they're not used to it? They've been to church before, but not on a regular basis. And when DH comes with me, he usually ends up taking them out halfway through and I stay for communion.
Should I keep trying, at least for Lent? Should I wait till they're older? What do you do? Do you take your kids to religious services? Do they stay reasonably quiet? When I have taken just one of them, it's much easier. I just don't know what to do. If you've read this far--Help!!
Tania
Re: kids in church-VERY long
You are askign too much of them
Honestly, I can barely sit through service sometimes let alone a 3 year old and even more so the catholic service which is so quiet (not attacking, just what I have know from when I was a kid). We tried to take Sebastian in last Easter (or it was the week before easter), and the pastor mentionned somehting like "Easter is approaching" and Sebastian YELLED out,: " I HATE EASTER!", talk about embarassement!!!!!
We go to church every weekend without fail, the kids go to Sunday school while we go to service. It's awesome, it gives me alone time with God and gives me children the opportunity to learn too. You should listen to the things Sebastian has learned, it's so amazing.
Is that an option at your church. My church has nursery starting at 1 month and has "classes" for every age group. I feel comfortable with everyone who works in the nursery ( I volunteer every month) and sunday school because they run background checks and everything on everyone.
that is what my church had to, they would take the kids in another room and teach the kids a few songs and read some Bible stories to them while the parents listened to the priest.
You want to make church enjoyable for everyone, does Cedric has a little Kids Bible? maybe you can get him one and get him interested more? Sebastian use to love "reading" out of his Bible!
My church doesn't have a cry room (it's a very old, historical church), BUT it is very kid friendly because all the families from the school go there (a lot to the 9:30 a.m. mass but also a lot to the 10:30 a.m. mass as well). The "regulars" who go to those masses know that there will be plenty of kids and that they will be behaving, well, like kids. So you definitely wouldn't get any "looks" or anybody telling you to just leave your kids at home.
Is the church you went to a parish that also includes a parochial school? If not, maybe you can find one that does because it will probably be more family friendly and more tolerant of the kids' antics. Maybe I will change my tune when I am in your shoes, but I personally don't think it's too much for them. I know my mom always took my brother and I together (we are 18 months apart) by herself (my dad is not a practicing Catholic), and we were not the best behaved kids lol. I see lots of families with kids of all ages at church and when the kids get antsy, they just go to the back of the church and wait it out.
It sounds like your first experience went fairly well and then the 2nd one is where you had an issue, so at least you know it's not totally out of the question that they can behave. If it means a lot to you to continue going and to take them, keep trying...they will only get more and more accustomed to it the more you take them
Jen,
What church do you go to? The last two weeks I've been going to Church of the Little Flower in the Gables. In the past I used to go to St. Augustine at UM, but I figured, since Little Flower has the school, that it might have more families. There were lots of families but very few little ones. I'm still committed to trying to go (at least through Lent!!), so let me know if you don't mind.
Leanna, thanks for the offer, but Miami Shores is a bit far for me.
Anyone else want to recommend their Miami catholic church that has a cry room or Sunday school?
Thank for the sympathy, ladies! Dawn, I hope you have an easier time than I did!
Tania
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Although I'm not catholic, but our church has a seperate room for kids 3 yrs and older. I've actually seen kids act out and I am normally fine with it, until it becomes a screehing scream that we can't hear our pastor. That's when I expect the parent to take their child out. Normally, the parent also agrees and take their child(ren) out and service continues.
Ppl shouldn't look at you bad, they are in church and shouldn't criticize others. If you're there for lent, then know you are there for someone mightier than the old lady next to you. Keep going to service with your kids...even if they act out. Sooner or later they will get the drift of things. Also, other parents know what you are going through. I actually think you are better than the parents that leave their kids at home. So KUDDOS!!!!
Oh man, I am just gonna give you a big hug because I can feel the stress you were in just by reading that! We have been taking Sophie to church pretty regularly since birth (sometimes weekly, sometimes bi-weekly....) and so even as used to it as she is she still has her days which makes me VERY glad we have a childrens, soundproofed room. I did not know they were called Crying Rooms but that makes perfect sense.
I don't think you should give up. This is all new to them. Its an hour long service of sitting down and being quiet and that is hard for a toddler to do. We started bringing stuff to occupy our time. Cheerios and snacks always work but I also started bringing pad/coloring book and crayons. I don't pull it out every week....just on the really antsy days. I have seen parents with stacks of little bible books. That kind of stuff may help and is OK. Yes, the point of going to church is to sit there and listen but honestly...that is not easy for a toddler and the fact that you are there is a big deal in and of itself so if your kid is not listenting to a mass he is really not going to understand anyway....God will forgive you.
So, I disagree with the PP that say they are too young. Its all in the training. Its something new that they and you will be getting used to so I don't think you should give up. Its a good cause. I think going to church is very important.
If you go to Little Flower then you are not too far from Saint Dominic's....which has a crying room, I believe. This is my MIL's church. I know they also have a childrens mass at like 11am, 11:30am. Those times only just recently started being good for us because Sophie used to be super cranky and ready for her naps by then so we had been going to the earlier masses so that she is more "fresh" so to speak.
GL!!!!!
Oh Tania, so sorry you had a bad exprience yesterday. But don't be discouraged. Children have been attending mass for centries, and other parents survived, and so will you! LOL I don't think that giving up going to mass is an option IMO. Perhaps you can leave one child at home w/ dad, and alternate which child goes with you, that way you only have to focus on taking care of one, besides, I think they get a bit more adventurous when they pair up.
I can totally understand though wanting to take both of them, I would too. I attend St Augustine, and we always sit on the side of the church. It isn't a cry room, but I think most of the children sit on that side, and everyone is "used" to it and very understanding! Maybe that is an option?!
Either way, good luck next week!
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
That's where I go! I'm so surprised that you had that experience with the "looks" and what not. I go to the 10:30 mass and I see a lot of little ones. My aunt has three kids (ages 7, 4, and 11 months) and she takes all of them to that mass. I know that it's mostly elementary school aged kids, but you usually see several little siblings (babies and toddlers). My mom and I always go to the back of the church after communion to listen to the rest of the mass from there and it's usually a zoo back there with all the kids running around and talking.
Anyway, I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience
You are definitely brave for trying to do it with both kids and I really admire you for it!!!
You are SO brave - I've never attempted church with the kids by myself. We also go to the the Little Flower and have received those kind of looks but whatever...they're kids and I want them to go to church. I wish they had a daycare/nursery for the smaller children. That's why we don't go every Sunday. It's more like twice a month (depending on their moods) - it's just too frustrating. Sometimes they do well and other times not so much. We bring snacks, juices, toys, I even get them to kneel and pray with me. We usually sit in the back and try to get the side aisle seat for a quick departure. I've tried to run out after the communion but MH won't let me :0( LOL!
Anyways, I don't think they are too young for church...maybe someone in the parish can start the nursery thing going - I'd volunteer...then I'm sure more families would be able to attend and enjoy their time of worship.
Doesn't the church have a nursery? You could leave the kids in the nursery where they will get age appropriate teaching and you could attend mass. Win-win.
Hi Tania!
We go as a family to mass probably about once or twice a month on average. The rest of the time Liam and I have a nice walk outside while Dad gets to go to mass by himself
Like everything else, Liam has good days and bad days. The church we used to go to in Coral Springs had 1/4 sectioned off with glass as a cry room, and aside from chasing him up and down the aisle on occasion, it usually worked very well. The one we attend now in Delray doesn't have a cry room, but as DH called it the other day, the 11:30 mass is "social time" for the toddler crowd so we're more likely to have issues with Liam wanting to have someone else's toy or wanting to go outside and play when other kids get taken outside b/c they need to blow off some steam.
I don't think you need to wait until they're older to keep trying, but I would consider taking just one at a time until they're a bit more familiar with mass. Of course I'm still wondering how long it will be before Liam understands the concept of being reasonably quiet when asked... Acutally achieving that is not even on the radar.Good luck!