When should I tell our adoption counselor? (pregnancy mentioned) — The Bump
Adoption

When should I tell our adoption counselor? (pregnancy mentioned)

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant but we still want to move forward with the adoption process. As you can see from my siggy below this is my 6th pregnancy (with one going up to 17 weeks) but no children so I don't want to stop the process in case something happens with this pregnancy .  We have our PRIDE courses scheduled for March, with 1, possibly 2 more home visits.  Our 2nd home visit last Thursday we were told we would probably be approved late March/early April.

Also, our agency does not have a policy that we couldn't ttc while going through the adoption process. I don't want to lie but I'm just afraid we will be put on the back burner because of this.

Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks.


Re: When should I tell our adoption counselor? (pregnancy mentioned)

  • I think I would just tell them exactly what you said in your post.  It's not something that should be kept secret, and if they have no policy against TTC while going through the process then everything should be fine.  Good luck with your pregnancy and your adoption.  I'm praying both work out for you.
    Amy
    Proud Mommy to Ben
    You didn't grow in my tummy, but in my heart!!

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  • I'm not sure I would tell them until either you are closer to getting approved/eligible for placements or after the first trimester. I tend to err towards not sharing news though. I don't think it's wrong to share now if you prefer. And I think you have an obligation to share before you get any placements. But I would personally just prefer to wait as that's my personality.
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  • imagek-statebride:
    I'm not sure I would tell them until either you are closer to getting approved/eligible for placements or after the first trimester. I tend to err towards not sharing news though. I don't think it's wrong to share now if you prefer. And I think you have an obligation to share before you get any placements. But I would personally just prefer to wait as that's my personality.

    Exactly what I was going to say. 

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  • I would not tell unless you are close to actually getting a placement and/or after the first trimester.  We told ours right away, but that was because we were close to a potential match and didn't want to go into that on false pretenses.  Both the pregnancy and match fell through.

    You know I am so excited for you and I hope this is your sticky baby!  {{hugs}}

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  • I've thought about what would happen if we got a surprise BFP during our adoption process.  I'm pretty sure I would also wait until I was out of the first trimester before I told them unless I knew my profile was being shown. 

    I hope this baby is the one you get to take home and that your adoption proceeds as you'd like also!!

    TTC #1 since 12/07 SA 9/08=borderline normal HSG 1/09 found R tube blocked Multiple IUIs both with oral and injectible drugs from 2/09-2/11 Started domestic adoption process in 5/10, homestudy complete 9/10 Failed adoption after home with baby for 2 weeks 11/10 Blessed through the miracle of private adoption with a son, born 6/6/11 (his grandma's bday) 7lbs 9oz 20.5 inches long! So worth the wait!
  • I don't see any reason to say anything right now.
  • Our agency requires us to tell them of a pregnancy once it is confirmed.... meaning once a doctor has confirmed it, you have to tell them.

    We got a surprise BFP just as we were about to start our in-home visits for our homestudy. Once we had confirmation via bloodwork and a heartbeat, we told our SW. They immediately put our file on hold.

    We ended up losing the pregnancy at 7 weeks, but we were able to start right back up where we had left off as soon as we felt ready to.

    Congrats on the pregnancy!! Sending you lots of sticky thoughts!!!

    After 5 years of TTC, 3 IUIs, 5 IVFs, 2 FETs, multiple losses and an adoption that wasn
  • Hi!  I'm glad I came across your post because I'm in a similar situation.  We're currently waiting for a referral for adoption in Japan.  Two weeks ago, I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant.  I wasn't sure when to tell our agency.  We decided to wait until after the first trimester and until we found out that everything was ok with the baby.  After reading the replies to your post, I feel like I've made the right decision.

    Congratulations and best wishes to you! 

     

  • We too got a surprise BFP but that was AFTER we were matched with a baby and were waiting for her to be born. We told our SW right away and we were able to go through with the adoption (praise the Lord) without a hitch and also we gave birth to a sweet baby girl 5 months after we got our first sweet girl! =)  I would have been devestated if they would not allow us to adopt the baby we had been waiting for, for 4 months...it would have been the hardest thing I ever went through.  I think even harder than my IVF m/c bc we wanted her SO freaking bad it was unreal.  We are so grateful our agency allowed us to go forward with the placement!  We are truly blessed.

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • I'm letting our agency know this week, I waited until pg was deemed 'successful' with a HB at 8 weeks. I would wait at least another month if I were you. Our applications weren't turned in yet, and I know they wouldn't let us adopt while pg...I just wouldn't want to run the risk of not saying anything, getting halfway through, then being 'found out' or whatever and being disqualified. I'd rather be put on hold than not allowed to adopt through our agency in the future for not being honest. That being said, I would be a pi$$ed off adoptive parent if someone adopted from the program I got shut out of and they were pg, so I am willing to give up the adoption process for now and let another couple adopt. Sorry, but I feel pretty firm about that, except in cases where they were already matched because I understand the connection you form, it's like you are pg with that child. Good luck! See you over on PgAL!
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