How do you handle tantrums?

queenie521 · March 2010

TJ is getting into this screaming tantrum phase whenever he doesnt get what he wants. He screams and yells forever and I am not sure how I should be handling them? Do I ignore it? Do I distract him with something else? I dont want to just give him what he wants as that will cause years of issues to come.

FWIW, most of his tantrums tend to be after his afternoon nap. When he wakes, I give him a sippy of milka nd we cuddle and play for a little bit but then I need to start making dinner. He will come over to me, stand on my feet and pull on my legs for me to pick him up, but obviously I cannot cook while holding him and he gets VERY pissed off and will stand at my legs screaming his lungs out. What do I do?

How are you handling it?

ash2 · March 2010

DD has just started doing this too. I completely ignore her. Some tantrums last longer than others, but she has realized that I will not pay any attention to her whatsoever when she acts this way. So they are usually shortlived. If Iam in the kitchen doing something, I let her come in (we usually have the baby gates closed) and play with her fridge magnets. Sometimes she will go into the pantry and take out food and play with it. This usually keeps her occupied.

MrsPreK · March 2010

Ignoring used to work, but now it seems he can go a lot longer than I have patience for. Meaning, he'll roll around on the floor screaming for 20+ minutes if I let him.

I start by ignoring but if it lasts longer then 10 minutes I generally try to get him into doing something else. If that doesn't work, he goes to his room and will look at books or play with his puzzles.

ali-1411 · March 2010

Sometimes I'll ignore it, especially if its over nothing. But if she's mad because I made her stop doing something, I'll sit on the floor and just wait. She'll wander and scream until she wears herself out, then comes and sits on my lap. Then she's fine, and we move on.

DevonPow · March 2010

Ignore. If we are home I put him in his room (safe, his lovey is there to help him calm down, etc. He can leave if he wants). If we are out and about we leave or go to a quiet area and I ignore him there.

DS goes through phases where he is VERY cranky after naps, as in waking up crying and having a complete hysterical meltdown for up to an hour with nothing helping (cuddling, snacks, ignoring, whatever). Those are tough to handle. It doesn't matter how long the nap is, either.

Mj2lyons4 · March 2010

We had a lot of problems with this, it does get better! My oldest was always throwing tantrums because he didnt have the words he needed to tell me what was wrong so he got so frusterated we didnt understand (wouldnt you?) My son was speech delayed and had services so it was doubly hard.

Maybe try getting him an activity to do "with" you while you are cooking. Like you could give him a bowl and spoon at the counter so he can pretend mix. or give him a wet washcloth to clean up.

I read Happiest Toddler on the Block and highly reccomend it. It basically tells how to mirror their emotions back to them to show them you understand how they feel in their own language. It really worked for us.

Telyco · March 2010

I patiently tell him he's ok and ask him if he wants his sippy cup or whatever...but I'm sure I have only a little taste of what is to come. I have heard about the happiest toddler theory and I'll probably look into that for the future.

susanmosley · March 2010

I would probably do some combination of ignoring and redirecting, but only after I helped show him what his options were...in the scenario you described. I would maybe have some of his more loved toys available near where you will be cooking, that he only has access to around this witching hour and get him started with an activity before you go cook. If you are consistent with this plan and ignore the tantrum and/or redirect to a more productive activity, he will learn that this (dinner prep/independent play) is just part of the routine. Hang in there!

sunnytrees · March 2010

We did time outs, ignoring and now that DD is older, she goes to her room.

The after nap thing may be separate though. My oldest struggles big time with transitions and there have been days where she will throw a 45 min all out tantrum when she wakes. Going from sleep to wake that time of the day just kills her.

I am not sure how you feel about TV at this age but it works for us. She watches in the morning and after nap (with a snack and drink). It's a routine. She is used to it and it works really well giving her the time she needs for the transition. If TV isn't something you want to do, maybe in his chair with a snack, sippy and colors or some activity that is the same every day at that time? Good luck!

Mc_Newlywed · March 2010

Is it possible that he's hungry? Sometimes my daughter wakes up completely starving and she's hell on wheels until she gets something in her tummy. Maybe a light snack will help w/ some of the outbursts.

After that... I would see if you can include him in dinner prep. Give him a bowl and a spoon and dump in some dried pasta or rice and let him make a mess on the floor. Or have him help you snap beans or help in some other capacity.

If he's still yelling & screaming and it's just because he wants your attention I would tell him in no uncertain terms that you are cooking dinner and that you'll be with him in just a few minutes and then offer him something else - toys, crayons, whatever. Now it's his choice to go play or to continue the tantrum. If he continues I tell my daughter that tantrums are not allowed in the kitchen and ask her to go into another room. Usually she quiets down because she doesn't want to get "banished". Especially if she's doing this to get my attention in the first place.

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