Parenting after a Loss

Starting to freak out about work ...

So yesterday was my first day back. It was OK. I missed her like crazy, but I survived. But the thought of doing that on a regular basis kills me. And to make matters worse, I thought I was going to be able to work 8-4 or 8:30-4:30 with an occasional late night for a networking event here and there. Well yesterday my boss said that he wants everyone on more of a 9-5 thing and I'd have to stay till 6/6:30 a couple nights a week. I won't get to see her at all if I do this!  If I work till 5, I won't get to daycare till close to 5:45, and that's if traffic isn't too bad. By the time I get her and her stuff and get home it will be after 6. She went to sleep at 7 last night! That gives me ONE HOUR with her!  So a little time to play, then it's bath time, time to eat and bed time. And on nights I'd stay till 6/6:30 I won't see her at all! I'm seriously going to have a major meltdown. I HATE having to work!

Re: Starting to freak out about work ...

  • I know how you feel. :( Maybe you could explain to your boss that you need to pick her up from daycare by 5 per your contract and see if you could work from home? I don't know if this is something you could consider as I don't know your boss, but it is a suggestion. I know that my supervisors are very understanding of daycare situations.
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  • It is hard to have so little time with them.  By the time I get home with the little man, it is 5:30 and there is barely enough time to feed him and play a little before the bedtime routine starts.  He's asleep by 6:30.  But now that we are a few months in, I kinda like that time to myself to get ready for the next day and spend some time with DH.  Moms have to be a lot of things to a lot of people!
  • I couldn't even imagine.... ::::BIG HUGS:::
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  • I'm so sorry.  I know how hard it is to have little time with your LO.  I made it super clear when I came back (even before) that I couldn't stay past 5 with very rare exception as needed.  So far it's worked out.  Even still I only get about 1-1.5 hours with her in the evening and that includes bath and bedtime stuff.  It sounds like you set that expectation with your boss...how come they want you to stay later now?  Did something change?  I might be in a rare position because my company is so strapped for people and they are basically asking me to do the work of 3 people right now.  Every time they give me more I remind them that I cannot let my hours slip and they have agreed.  They know that I will be the next one looking for a new job otherwise.  Again, it's a rare situation probably but I mention it just to make sure you don't let them take advantage.  If there is no solid reason for moving your hours and you can do your job and do it well with the hours you previously decided on then I don't see why they would change it on you.  Good luck. 

    BTW, it will get easier.  Still hard to leave LO every day ...but definitely easier.

    DD is on her way to 2! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • imagepopcorn13:

    I'm so sorry.  I know how hard it is to have little time with your LO.  I made it super clear when I came back (even before) that I couldn't stay past 5 with very rare exception as needed.  So far it's worked out.  Even still I only get about 1-1.5 hours with her in the evening and that includes bath and bedtime stuff.  It sounds like you set that expectation with your boss...how come they want you to stay later now?  Did something change?  I might be in a rare position because my company is so strapped for people and they are basically asking me to do the work of 3 people right now.  Every time they give me more I remind them that I cannot let my hours slip and they have agreed.  They know that I will be the next one looking for a new job otherwise.  Again, it's a rare situation probably but I mention it just to make sure you don't let them take advantage.  If there is no solid reason for moving your hours and you can do your job and do it well with the hours you previously decided on then I don't see why they would change it on you.  Good luck. 

    BTW, it will get easier.  Still hard to leave LO every day ...but definitely easier.

    Thanks. It is just so hard. Before I went out on leave my boss said he didn't care if I worked 8-4 or 8:30-4:30, but now he seems to want everyone 9-5 and I'll have to stay late to make calls some days.  I am going to try and talk to him this morning when he gets in. I lost it at home and had a complete melt down. Addie went to sleep at 7 last night. If I work till 5, by the time I get to daycare and get her and get home it'll be after 6. So a little time to play, then it's bath time, time to eat and bed time. Plus, I'm awake early in the morning anyways, I'd rather just get to work and get it over with earlier you know?  I'm going to talk to him, I figure it can't hurt to have a conversation.  I feel like he should at least give me the chance to work those hours and if it doesn't work, then re-evaluate you know?  Ugh. I'm just so miserable.

    H is amazing, he sat there holding me this morning while I sobbed trying to come up with ways for me to stay home. I wish I could, but we just cant afford it it. Plus I would feel bad since my company did offer me a full time job and have restructured with me in mind (it's a tiny company). But I did not have a baby to see her for less than 2 hours a day!  UGH! I'm going to cry again ...

  • I am so sorry sweetie. It is so difficult. Just know that you are not alone and many of us working moms are  miserable. I think we all need to win the lotto so we can stay home:) Hugs!
  • I am so sorry!  I think a lot of us have the exact same issue. I only have 2 months per year where I'm VERY busy at work. And that time just started. I'm counting down. 59 more days to go until it slows down. Tonight I won't be home until 7:30. I know this may be selfish, but Dylan stays up until 9. He just takes longer naps during the day if necessary. So even if I get home at 7:30 or 8 tonight, I'll still see him for an hour. I am trying to ignore the fact that that just plain stinks and concentrate on getting through for now. It's hard. Maybe you can move your LOs bedtime out later?
    After 2 m/cs, dx October 2008 with hetero factor v leiden & mthfr & low progesterone; third time was the charm - BFP 3/19/09 on first cycle of clomid. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagetiffanylaw06:
    I am so sorry!  I think a lot of us have the exact same issue. I only have 2 months per year where I'm VERY busy at work. And that time just started. I'm counting down. 59 more days to go until it slows down. Tonight I won't be home until 7:30. I know this may be selfish, but Dylan stays up until 9. He just takes longer naps during the day if necessary. So even if I get home at 7:30 or 8 tonight, I'll still see him for an hour. I am trying to ignore the fact that that just plain stinks and concentrate on getting through for now. It's hard. Maybe you can move your LOs bedtime out later?

    We actually just made it earlier for her. She was taking forever to be put down and I think was over tired. We'd been putting her down between 8:30 and 9. last night on a whim I decided to put her down after her 7 pm feeding and she slept till 5:30!

  • I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I can't imagine having to leave Emma all day. I hope things get easier for you soon, and that your boss understands.
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  • BIG HUGS :) I hope today is going better for you and you talked to your boss and had good luck! xoxo
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