If you're done having kids...

Ciarrai · March 2010

I know there have been tons of these posts, but I'm struggling with this decision and wanted to hear everyone's experiences. So if you're done having kids, how did you know you were done? Are you sad at all? Upset? Were you just sure or did you weigh the benefits and drawbacks logically? What helped you decide? What was the biggest factor in your decision? Anything else?

I'm almost sure we're done. DH says we're done. But I'm not 100% there yet and keep thinking of everything I'll never have again. Besides, all the comments about "finally having our boy" so we must be done totally piss me off, but that's not a good reason to have a forth.

KoriBrett · March 2010

Didn't even blink much less be sad or think about it. We both just knew the instant I got my bfp with DS. And in that following five minutes we decided that if I had another C/S, my tubes would be tied. If not, DH was getting snipped.

No regrets, nothing, just six million percent positive we were done done and done, and happy to be so.

stillhoping · March 2010

It was kind of decided for me and yes at times I have been upset about it and then I think of the stress of adding to our family, or the new baby thing again and I know that not having more is the right thing for us. I still get that twinge of jealous when I hear of a close friend or relative that is pg again. Knowing I will never be pg again. I think though that I just want to be pg. I do not want to go through labor or the new born phase

StarryNight39 · March 2010

Ciarrai:
I know there have been tons of these posts, but I'm struggling with this decision and wanted to hear everyone's experiences. So if you're done having kids, how did you know you were done? Are you sad at all? Upset? Were you just sure or did you weigh the benefits and drawbacks logically? What helped you decide? What was the biggest factor in your decision? Anything else?
I'm almost sure we're done. DH says we're done. But I'm not 100% there yet and keep thinking of everything I'll never have again. Besides, all the comments about "finally having our boy" so we must be done totally piss me off, but that's not a good reason to have a forth.

I could have literally written this word for word. I know we are done, I am just having such a hard time accepting it!

Jodi&Joe · March 2010

I know my limits. My limit was #1. I agreed to a second. So when I got pg with a second, I KNEW for sure that was it.

Do I miss being pregnant? All the time! I loved that time in life --- such anticipation and excitement.

Do I miss having a newborn? One like Joey, yes. One like Cam, not so much!

I miss the snuggling, and the excitement of having a new little one, and the little baby clothes. But am NOWHERE near prepared to actually RAISE a third being. Huge difference and the latter DEFINITELY outweighs the prior!

DandelionMom · March 2010

We're done -- for now. 3 kids is really all I can handle at this point. And we really want to be able to afford college for them and I don't think we could do that for 4 kids. And my pregnancies were awful, I really can't go through that again. But I always wanted 4 or more kids so it is hard for me to think that I'm totally done. We're tenitively planning on becoming foster/foster-to-adopt parents in a few years. I'm ready to start the research/training soon but DH isn't, so we'll wait.

samanthony · March 2010

My DH just had his vasectomy last week. It's a little bitter sweet, but that's more because we are finished that chapter of our lives. When I think about the quality of life I want for my children, having another child would take away from that. I am also looking forward to eventually being done with the baby stage. I feel blessed to have three healthy children, and don't want to tempt fate. Good luck with your decision!

Ciarrai · March 2010

StarryNight39:
Ciarrai:
I know there have been tons of these posts, but I'm struggling with this decision and wanted to hear everyone's experiences. So if you're done having kids, how did you know you were done? Are you sad at all? Upset? Were you just sure or did you weigh the benefits and drawbacks logically? What helped you decide? What was the biggest factor in your decision? Anything else?
I'm almost sure we're done. DH says we're done. But I'm not 100% there yet and keep thinking of everything I'll never have again. Besides, all the comments about "finally having our boy" so we must be done totally piss me off, but that's not a good reason to have a forth.
I could have literally written this word for word. I know we are done, I am just having such a hard time accepting it!

There are all sorts of little reason I don't feel done - one of which is my temper wanting to prove idiots wrong - but more big reasons to be done and I know we should be.

Looks like we're in the same place, again. I'll message you on FB tonight. Gotta run get the girls from preschool in a minute.

JOEBunny · March 2010

We are done. I am sad I will never have another baby, but I know that this is the right number for us. I love my babies though and if we were younger maybe I would have had a 3rd, but this is how it is. We feel very lucky to have two healthy kids.

KrisBriMcBunny · March 2010

we are done but we are both sad about it. Its mostly have to do with me...my age and my high risk factors. We made peace with it but it still makes a bit sad here and there.

StarryNight39 · March 2010

Ciarrai:
StarryNight39:
Ciarrai:
I know there have been tons of these posts, but I'm struggling with this decision and wanted to hear everyone's experiences. So if you're done having kids, how did you know you were done? Are you sad at all? Upset? Were you just sure or did you weigh the benefits and drawbacks logically? What helped you decide? What was the biggest factor in your decision? Anything else?
I'm almost sure we're done. DH says we're done. But I'm not 100% there yet and keep thinking of everything I'll never have again. Besides, all the comments about "finally having our boy" so we must be done totally piss me off, but that's not a good reason to have a forth.
I could have literally written this word for word. I know we are done, I am just having such a hard time accepting it!
There are all sorts of little reason I don't feel done - one of which is my temper wanting to prove idiots wrong - but more big reasons to be done and I know we should be.
Looks like we're in the same place, again. I'll message you on FB tonight. Gotta run get the girls from preschool in a minute.

Ok, I'll talk to you tonight!

AnnapolisLari · March 2010

I'm done. I am too old and too tired to do the newborn stuff again.

Ciarrai · March 2010

If nothing else, I'm glad I'm not alone. Mostly, it's like everyone was saying. The idea of never having a newborn snuggled up on me brings me to tears (literally), of this being my last first smile, first words, first steps, etc. just kills me. But at the end of the day, I feel like I'm done having my family and ready to start raising them. Pregnancies and newborns are hard. They're hard on my business (4 months of no income), hard on my body, hard on my marriage, my family, etc. In that sense, I'm ready to move on with my life...but it kills me to even say that, think that.

(Had my 6 week appt today and we were talking about birth control so it kinda brought it all to a point where I wanted/needed to think about )

Mrs.Tony · March 2010

We are done with two but I am very sad about it. My DH is so done. I feel like I could have another but there are so many reasons not to.

breezee_bean · March 2010

I would have loved to have one more, but I have such extreme m/s, I have no clue how I would take care of two kids and be as sick as I was.

femmegem · March 2010

I've just never wanted more than 2 kids. Neither has DH. So it hasn't been a decision I've struggled over. I'm getting my tubes tied during my repeat c-section.

Beyond not wanting any more kids, I have zero desire to ever be pregnant again.

juju · March 2010

We are done after this one. We have to be the chances of having another CHD baby would be 10%. We can't do this again. OB will not tie my tubes, he thinks I'm too young. He is not my regular doc he's a high risk. He recommends that when I go back for my post partum checkup to my regular doc i get mirena or something similiar

Temp108743750006959 · March 2010

I only have one kid and I'm not sure about another! I am older and I am tired and I don't feel like being all fat again. But I love my little guy and having another would prob be so fun. ugh. so difficult!!

FloF9 · March 2010

DH and I thought we were done with our twins. Especially since it took us 5 years (and the help of IVF). Baby #3 was a shock/surprise to put it mildly as it was automatic. We're still very thankful but this pregnancy has been harder on me physically. DH will be getting a vasectomy soon.

j-w · March 2010

We are kind of similar to Kori...just done and at peace with it. Pretty much knew we were done with our second bfp. We always just wanted 2 kids and we got 2 healthy ones. So, we are good with it. There would be too many lifestyle changes to add any more than our 2.

shopgirl78 · March 2010

I just had my tubal on Friday. So, we are def done. I decided to do something permanent partly to stop the pyschological warfare in my head over the issue (and it seams to have worked).

The number one reason we are done is DH is done; he had more kids than he wanted for me. I could have been talked into a 4th and 5th and etc however its more because I love the experience rather than need/want another kid. I never wanted more than 3. We are done due to fiances, daycare for 3 is expensive, we are done due to room, our house is full as is. 3 is a lot to handle, my hands are full and I don't want large gaps between my kids esp since these are bang, bang, bang...

I will also miss the bfp, pregnancy and newborn, its all so special to me but I am excited about getting my body back, focusing on us and me a little more, having unprotected sex without worrying, and just raising and loving our family...

yellowcar · March 2010

If life were simple, I would easily have another child. In a heartbeat.

But here's why I am not:
1) we can't afford it. There is no "oh, we'll make it work...", simply can't afford another 5 years of daycare; DH doesn't make enough for me to SAHM.
2) counting DS, I had 4 abdominal surgeries in 4 years. Another baby would mean another c-section, and my poor body has had enough
3) I would be over 35 and the associated risks are not worth it for me to roll the dice.
4) I lost 2 babies in between my children; I can't do the temping/timed sex/2 WW/ POAS thing again, only to have another loss, and expect to maintain my sanity.
5) I am not cut out for the newborn phase--I just don't handle it well, and I will freely admit that it took me time to fall in love with my babies. Each time took a little bit longer. If I could have a baby at about 4 months, I would do it!
6) I have been nursing now for almost 16 months + 40 weeks of PG + time recovering from 2 m/c's + 10 weeks of PG before that = over 3 years of my body being dedicated to someone else. I would like my body back, please.

I've gotten past the thinking about all of those new baby moments I will never again have, to thinking about all of the cool things to come. I am pretty much at peace with the thought of being done. That being said, I got Mirena, just in case, instead of something permanent. I will make the final decision in a few years.

jlw2505 · March 2010

My DH and I knew we wanted 2 and during my planned c-section with #2, I had my tubes tied and have never looked back. Heck, I almost didn't have #2 due to complications DD#1 had. It took me a good 6 months to even think about it. We love our family as is and love being out of the baby stage (I'm the first to admit that while I love little baby, it has been my least favorite stage thus far). I love that we can now do so much more since the girls are a little older. It is fun and as someone else said, I can finally spend more time on me and on my marriage. Having little kids is really hard on a marriage and DH and I suffered through it and are doing much better now than a year ago. Yeah, when I see pregnant women, I do the how cute and so exciting but honestly, I was huge both of my pregnancies, still have 10 pounds to lose from the last one and she is going to be 2 on the 13th, I'm 39 years old now, and the 2nd pregnancy was horrible. What I am really looking forward to is my SIL's having babies so I can enjoy all the fun parts of them but not deal with the sleepness nights and all that newborn stuff. DH and I were just commenting on how nice it is to actually be able to sit and eat and the kids either sit at the table and eat or go off and play.

winomom22 · March 2010

We are 99.9% sure we are done after this one. I struggled with deciding to have #2 let alone #3. The only reason I am sad is that this chapter in our lives will be closing-no more pregnancies, no more bfing, no more tiny babys and tiny baby clothes. Those reasons listed IMO are not enough to have more children and are all temporary. I don't want to raise anymore children. 2 children are what dh an I feel we can support and manage physically, emotionally and financially. It might be different if I SAHM, but again I am ready to move on with my life and focus on the 2 kids we have. I think once your youngest is old enough and past the diaper stage etc you will be so happy that phase is over. It was really hard starting all over again with dd being the age she is. Things are so easy now and now we are throwing a bit of a wrench in things by starting all over with #2. I am looking forward to it and will hopefully cherish it a little more knowing it will be our last, yet looking forward to a new phase in our life. Life goes on.....we get older, the kids get older...sometimes that is hard to accept I guess and maybe the reason to be tempted into another child.

kelly&paul · March 2010

I always said I only wanted 2 kids, never wanted more than that. I actually would love to have a third but my kids are a handful and my dh travels M-F at least 3 weeks a month. Not fair to me, our kids or any other kids we would have. I am happy with the 2 we have but we said we would make no permanent decisions until dd was at least 2 years old. I have the mirena for now so we're good! As of right now though, I'm done. It just feels right.

Want a personalized experience?

If you're done having kids...

Re: If you're done having kids...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards