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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
MIL drunk while watching LO!
LONG story short: My MIL came over on Sunday to see LO and she insisted that we go on a walk (just DH and I) and when we got back, DH discovered that she put vodka in her can of pop (because she was slurring her words) by tasting it. She denied it for 10 mins. and then admitted that she drank before she got there and "brought vodka with her in a cup" and poured it in her can. Later we found out that she actaully took it from our bar ... and even took a swig from the bottle (lipstick ring around the top!)
I think she has a serious problem and said she's not allowed to watch LO until she goes through a treatement program. Do you think that's reasonable? DH does but the other siblings don't think she needs a formal program, even though it's been a problem for more than 15 years. Her daughter came up with the absolutely crazy idea that she should keep a calendar and mark off the days she doesn't drink. Then if she's been sober all week, her daughter will buy her a cup of Caribou on Monday. Are we three years old?!!! I'm trying not to be involved, but I feel like she forced me to be involved by involving my LO by being drunk while watching him. Maybe the most I can do is say she'll never watch him again unless she goes through treatment. I guess that's my right as a mother, huh?
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Re: MIL drunk while watching LO!
That's completely reasonable -
1. She thought it was acceptable to be drinking and watching your baby at the same time.
2. She couldn't go without a drink in the short period of time you and your DH were out for a walk.
- she definitely has a problem.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this, but you have every right (in fact I'd a responsibility to your LO) to not let her watch your LO any more.
(((Hugs))) and sending thouhts and prayers for your family as they go through this.
I think that's totally justified. There's no way I would let an alcoholic watch my baby.
Also, if she's sneaking in drinks AND denying it she definitely has a problem and absolutely needs to go to a formal treatment facility. The thing is, is it's probably just going to get worse from here on out and if alcholism isn't treated early on it can be really horrible. Detox from alcohol can cause seizures or death (not to scare you), so the sooner you get her help the better.
Also, if she lied to you about the drink what makes the other siblings think that she would be honest about when she had or had not drank alcohol. I watched this episode of Intervention once with a guy who was an alcoholic. It was so sad. He would deny up and down that he had had anything to drink and they'd taste what was in his glass and it was pure vodka and then they'd look through his garbage and he would have tons of empty bottles. He ended up going to treatment, but got kicked out for not cooperating and then died a few months later. It was heartbreaking.
We had to put my brother through rehab for cocaine and I am soo glad we did it. He's a whole new person, engaged, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Thanks for all the support. It's been tough sitting on the sidelines and watching DH go through it since my only opinion so far can be that she can never watch LO again.
She actually told the other siblings later that night that my DH and I were mean to her before we left and picked a fight so it triggered her to drink. The other siblings took her side and said they understand why she did it. DH and MIL had an argument about another family issue (MIL is GIVING 3 acres of land to daughter for NOTHING) and so I'm guessing the daughter said she understands and is willing to buy her coffee in exchange for pretending like she's sober so the house deal goes through ... because it will benefit her and she probably doesn't want to piss off mom. So beyond messed up ... that's why I'm trying to stay out of it and only control the things that I can, like never letting her watch LO!
My MIL is also an alcoholic. We do not let her watch DD. Even if she were to go to a treatment facility, I would still never trust her. She's drank the whole time I've ever known her, and can barely take care of herself. And she does not admit to having a problem. In fact, we basically cater to this, and just make excuses to why she never watches DD. (I'm sure this will not last forever though). I think the best thing you can do is let her see LO with you and/or DH always present, but never leave LO alone with her. Make sure you and DH are on the same page. Since we are on the same page, I always let DH handle MIL and basically stay out of it.
I wouldn't leave her alone with your child and it would take a lot of trust to believe her if she ever makes it through treatment. She needs professional help...not marking X's on a calendar. Addicts are pretty sneaky people, she's not going to be honest with her daughter's calendar idea. The sun rises and sets over alcohol, family comes second...it's selfish, but sadly true. My MIL's a pill popper and alcoholic. I can't trust her at all around DD now. We once left her with her for an hour and my MIL used Purell hand sanitizer on her when she changed her diaper. She thought it was baby oil? WTF?! "I couldn't find the baby powder so I used the baby oil" She couldn't tell the difference with a big 'PURELL' written on the bottle??? Argh!!! Would you want gel alcohol in your vag.? NO!!!! And why would she even think to use baby oil while changing her diaper? *sigh* I get mad just thinking of that incident. I sometimes wonder how she even raised two boys because she's obviously clueless.
This. So many horrible things could have happened.