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TTC After a Loss
CarrieLeigh84
member
VENT POST (open to all!)
CarrieLeigh84
member
Come on in and vent away your frustrations.. I know I sure as sh!t need to!
Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008
M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010
My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
This discussion has been closed.
Re: VENT POST (open to all!)
I'm sad that BF has to go away for 2 weeks.. to the other side of the planet. I understand, and I want him to go, but I don't want to be away from him, especially when he's going through such a hard time.
The selfish part of me is crying over the timing of this.
No clomid. No FWP. No 2010 baby.
I'm p!ssed that I am even in this position to begin with, because I shouldn't be.
I realized the other day, every month sucks and has reminders. Last month was my BFP anni for Zoe. This month is my first losses edd, next month, the twins edd. Bleck
Someone's 8 yr old DD announced her Mom's 8th pregnancy at church the other day, she is 6 weeks along and due on Zoe's EDD. I was shocked that they announced so early, esp to their children. I'm angry that I can never do that again, because I already broke my kids hearts and I can't bear to do it again.
I am on day 8 of EWCM.
I still haven't O'd though I'm holding out hope for maybe yesterday.
I have odd cramps and I'm super hungry.
Today I actually had a fleeting thought that maybe all the - pg tests last month and then AF coming could still make me one of those women on I didn't know I was pg. Then I started worrying about all the drinking I'd done since then. I've officially lost my mind.
Sex every day is not fun. And if this month doesn't work with all this BD my lady bits are going to up and quit in protest.
It's going to snow again tonight.
I am full of the rage right now.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
Well I got a good one.
So I was suppose to go shopping with a friend tomorrow. Well another friendish / more next door neighbour (the one who's been using me ect....) called her up and asked her if she wanted to go shopping, so she says, well I'm suppose to go shopping with Marie tomorrow. So what does next door neighbour do, calls me up, says I asked so and so if she wanted to go shopping but she said she was suppose to go with you, so do you want to come with us.....just the way she said it was like she only asked me to go cause I was suppose to go with the other girl.....like if she wasn't going, than I wouldn't have got a call. I should have said NO THANK YOU, but I figured I was suppose to go anyway, and there's two girls that are going that I do like, so why not.
Ugh, thanks for posting this.
This is the second major BFP wave I have been a part of, only to lose the baby.
I am so sad and sick of this, I don't know if I can stand it.
BFP #1 - m/c on 12.22.09 @ 8w3d
BFP #2 - d&c on 07.22.10 @11w1d
BFP #3 - DS born on 06.22.11 @41w3d!
BFP #4 - Due 04.24.13
Last year at this time, I was pregnant.
My mom is not being a supportive mom and I just want her to be supportive so badly. She means well, but just doesn't know how to show compassion properly. It hurts.
I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
Right now I'm pissed that my IF drugs are not covered by my insurance and that Crinone is so expensive, but it is the best option. I'm also annoyed that there were 3 BFP announcements on FB this week and none of them were trying. I have an entire drug protocol for every month that we choose to TTC and it costs a butt load of $ because insurance doesn't cover IF costs...
I'm so annoyed that my sister has the same due date that I should have had. Everytime I talk to her and she b!tches about being so sick and such, I just want to slap her. I'd give anything to be miserable like that again...
I don't think I'm going to Ovulate on my own this month. I'm on cd16 and when I do O it's not ever this late. My body hates me and does not cooperate like it's supposed to!
We are NOT sitting out next month! If I'm getting an appointment to get an ultrasound again after two months your happy @ss is going to bd regardless of it we are in Texas! If my body is not working then the cycle I can take meds you are going to suck it up and deal!
I have rank gas today and don't feel like doing anything but I have running around to do.
I talked to my grandma last night and she asked if we had any baby news. If we had baby news you would know! I swear you would! You knew last time two weeks after my BFP. Please don't tell me just to do IUI when I explain to you what it is. I would love nothing more then to skip the clomid and go this route but the dr said not yet.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11
<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view
Harper Oksana, born on her due date, January 20, 2011, and the love of my life
I'm annoyed with someone I've known for well over 10 years. Granted I choose not to speak to her for quite some time because of the selfish nonsense she pulls and then topped it off by pulling more crap the day before my wedding.She knew we were pg with our angel baby/ I know she knows about our loss because she talks to plenty of people I know and everyone talks. She hasn't mentioned anything about it. Not that i'm asking for attention but I've always asked when i knew stuff was going on how things were going etc and nothing. No i'm sorry to hear about what happened, how are you guys holding up. Maybe it is selfish of me but when you know someone for that long an acknowledgement of caring would be appreciated not an email from you letting me know you are moving out of state for your new boy toy.
Oh and another vent. I know this person who I went into business with (mistake and no longer working with) You know she asked if we ever got the autopsy results back and said "oh so you didn't cause her issues?" WTF dude. Really? She very well may have not meant it that way but you who has children are really going to say that to another mother? She'd be more then offended if i said her daughters emotional issues were caused by her wouldn't she?
Yup, that would pretty much describe my past year.
Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11
<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view
I hate that we are all so angry, bitter and hurt. It isn't fair.
I hate that my body doesn't do what it's supposed do.
I hate being a total effing basket case everyday.
I hate the BD'ing has become a chore and neither of us feels like participating.
I hate the internal battle of evil vs. sort of okay that goes on in my head.
I hate having to time everything, I hate peeing on sticks and I hate checking CM.
I hate that I'm not 14, or a crack head, or meth addict. I hate that my life is ship shape so my punishment for that is no baby.
I hate being so angry, I reallllly, reallllly, do. It's exhausting.
I hate that I feel like my body is broken after the m/c.
I hate that I feel like I am not in control of anything in my life anymore.
I hate my stupid dr. for not being proactive and telling me to wait until 12 weeks to come back to see if my AF has shown.
And, finally, I hate the bachelor Jake for being a douche and wasting the last few weeks of my time watching that show!
I'm pissed that my b/w came back "normal" and they can't figure out why the eff I am not yet pregnant. My loss was January 2008 FFS. I'm pissed that my stupid insurance only covers diagnosis of IF but no treatment. As scared as I am to go to an RE, if it were covered, I'm pretty sure I would've been treated by one already. I'm pissed that almost EVERYONE I know IRL has "beat me" in having their 2nd child. I'm getting really irritated that people keep telling me that it's time we go for child #2. No sh!t... really?
I'm pissed that I just found out two more girls at work are pg, and it's gonna be baby central around here soon.
I'm pissed that my body won't function on it's own and that I'm having to take Provera to hopefully get AF. Now wondering if I will even ovulate on my own.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
I've been feeling really hopeless and upset for the past week. Our best couple friends are KU (completely unplanned, they break up every month or so) and just found out that they're having a little boy. We've been trying and not having any luck. It happened so easily the first time (m/c at just under 10wks) that I didn't think there would be issues when we tried again.
I keep spotting. Every day. I should have O'd last Tues/Wed. Since BD-ing those few days, the bleeding just hasn't stopped and my doctor isn't concerned. I'm concerned I'm not O-ing strongly enough or at all. All this spotting started happening when I became really dedicated to eating healthier and working out harder in hopes of losing weight for a healthy pregnancy. Instead, I get abnormal bleeding.
11-15-08
12-1-10
My first EDD is in two days.
I'm just pissed at everything.
I hate that my co-workers stand, literally, next to my desk and talk about their children, their wives' deliveries and how far dialated they are, the cute thing their son just said, etc.
My FH SIL is due any minute now and all of my in-laws are fb-ing about how excited they are and how miraculous it is and, yay!, so-and-so gets to be an uncle again. Yet none of them have ever said a word to me about our loss. It's like they've completely forgotten that there should've been TWO babies born this spring, not one.
Mother's Day is coming up and I don't think I can deal. My mom died of cancer when I was 13, so I'm used to Mother's Day kind of sucking for me. This year really takes the cake, though. I don't get to have a mom and I don't get to be a mom. Thanks, Universe.
I'm so sorry. I might have strangled her for that.
I am so sad and angry about everything and sad and angry that I am so sad and angry.
I hate that I had another m/c. I hate that we have been TTC since December of 2008.
All the disappointment of so many BFNs and 2 miscarriages has changed me for the worse.