Mom, employee... oh yeah, WIFE!

RebandJake · March 2010

How on earth are you guys doing in your marriages? My DH is awesome and helps with the baby etc. so no complaints there... but now that I am workging I never see him, and when I do I'm exhausted and/or cranky. I feel bad b/c we are botha little snippier than usual. How on earth do I do it all?

How do you make time and energy for your husbands? I don't even sleep with him b/c I sleep next door to the nursery (Cora still wakes at night) and Jake gets home around 11:30 p.m. and snores. How is everyone else doing in this department???

sunnyday16 · March 2010

It took a while to get things where they are now. I would say months 2-4 were the hardest for us. We were both so tired and crabby. We had a few big aruguments and then finally talked about things and how to make it better. We are fortunate to have family close by who can watch Cora so we can get out for a date night once a month. We just went away for a weekend without Cora and it was really good for our marriage. Good luck. It will get better:)

MrsPatterson · March 2010

We are doing ok. I'm finally getting my sex drive back, so that's helped a LOT (since it's been absent since long before I was even pg with DS due to our strict TTC schedule). But I do find myself getting frustrated more easily with DH and being snappy when I'm over-tired. This Saturday though, I am super pumped because it's DH's birthday and my mom is taking DS overnight so we can go out and stay out late. It will be so nice to have it just be us again, even for only one night.

MrsGhappilyeverafter · March 2010

Ugh, we're doing okay. Since I'm BFing, I find myself a little resentful of DH sometimes since he gets to sleep at night and I'm up constantly. Not that he wouldn't get up if I asked him to but there's really no point. I've been pretty snappy with him lately because I'm so exhausted and he doesn't understand how tired I am. I feel mean too because he wants to cuddle at night and I don't want him touching me because my incision is still sore and my boobs hurt. I was a good wife last night and cooked a real dinner for the first time since before I had DS

. Hopefully once we get a routine going, I can start pumping so we can have a date night because we really need one.

ceramsey · March 2010

Ya, not doing as well as I thought we would. I had this glorified vision of him coming home on time, taking care of Patrick while I took a shower/went to the gym/did pilates/etc. Not happening. The only time he has come home early were two times I called him miserable, begging him to come home and give me a break. And now that Patrick has dropped 2 night feedings, he doesn't even get up at night. Yet he still gets to hit snooze after a minimum of 6hrs of consecutive sleep. I can't hit snooze on Patrick. And then he asks why I'm going to bed at 8pm (or whenever Patrick first goes down to bed). I'm exhausted! Last night he didn't even offer to put Patrick to bed; he just sat and watched a tv show-thanks. And now that I'm back to work, it's even more difficult. Ya, I probably shouldn't be bumping right now, but Patrick is actually content in his bouncer and I need some "me" time.

We're getting a couples massage on Saturday while my parents watch Patrick. I hope it's the relaxation we need. Yes, we need to discuss his work and a timely arrival home, but how to you ask an up-and-coming employee to only work 9 hours a day? He's the main breadwinner and loves his job. However, I can't do this on my own and he needs to know that...

Thanks for asking, Rebecca! haha

popcorn13 · March 2010

I think we're doing pretty good although we definitely need to make time for a date night. We are both working hard to avoid being snippy and he's more helpful with the house stuff then ever so I can't complain. Now, our sex life...that's non-existent. I worry about that piece of it.

RebandJake · March 2010

Well I'm relieved to know i'm not the only one. I wish everything just happened naturally... I can't function when me and DH are at odds with each other. Doing this is hard enough without worrying about your marriage too. Granted, I worry more than he does. He says he's fine and he'd let me konw if he wasn't happy. I just want everything to be perfect and something has got to give.

And yes, I go to bed at 8 p.m. too. He has a hard time with that on his nights off but I'm like, even if I am in bed from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. I still only get about 7 hours or so if that between getting up to feed, getting up to pee, the cat wanting breakfast, etc etc. So it ain't exactlky romantic.

And God forbid the baby should go down early and I try to watch a movie or something with Jake.. I am asleep within 15 minutes. SIGH

RebandJake · March 2010

and sex?? what's that

Vandy05 · March 2010

We have done well. We have gotten into a couple tiffs about nothing when we are stressed but work it out pretty well. I was alot different when I went back to work, working around our schedules to be with Sara and therefore not having enough time with each other. We try to hang out watch a movie, eat dinner etc after she goes to bed so we have alone time. I was thinking the other day as I was making her baby food... I am a breastfeeding, babyfoodmaking, Sara toting, working mom.... sometiems its hard to fit wifey in there too!

pollykinz · March 2010

Before DH's surgery I would have said we were doing pretty well (except the sex part, that ain't happening in our house either - especially now that he's had surgery!) But having him laid up for the last 3 weeks has put a strain on us, that first week was REALLY tough - I had to do EVERYTHING and I mean everything. All he could do was lay down or go up and down the stairs to get from the bed to the couch. So I was taking care of the house, meals, the baby, and him - there was no break at all. And now I'm back at work for awhile but thank God my parents are here watching baby and my mom is SUCH a help. But I still find myself being a bit snippy or short of patience with DH. I know the fact that he still can't do anything with the baby isn't his fault, but it still gets to me sometimes because it doesn't seem like he even cares that he can't hold him or do things with him. He does hold him on his chest when he's laying down, but not for very long and if he fusses he just hands him back to me - so that makes me insane. I'm hoping it will get better again once he can function normally (in the next couple of weeks) because he is usually very helpful around the house at least and does clean and do dishes and garbage and help cook. I think it's just hard when they don't seem to "care" as much about the baby as we do. I'm also dealing with trying to get DH to give up a bad habit, which isn't really happening and that makes me really mad at him - so right now I think that's our biggest sticking point. It's definitely not easy and you are for sure not alone!!

VanessaRae9608 · March 2010

Like Colleen, I had an image of a picture perfect family. DH is great with Cole for the most part but when he cries and he cant easily soothe him - its right to me to save the day. For Cole's early morning feed, I was resentful that he would stay asleep so now he gets up and changes the diaper and brings him to me to feed him so we share the duty.

However, I feel like I suck at being a wife. I am stressed with going back to work, getting rest, taking care of Cole that I feel like I never have time to be a good wife and pay attention to our "us" time.

SO glad that we are all in this together, even though it sucks - I hope with time it will get better!!!

mh2t · March 2010

I am definitely very crabby these days and I do take it out on DH. He is really, really patient, though, so we don't really fight any more than we used to. I think communication is key - he will tell me when he needs something (like for me to turn off the TV and talk to him in the evening, or some cuddle time), and then I can take a deep breath and summon the patience to give it to him. He gets all the credit for this, though - if he were as crabby and impatient as I am, I think we would totally be on the skids.

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