no one's advocating plopping a baby in a crib without hugs, kisses, cuddles, stories, whatever routine you have determined works for your house. but to think that your 4-6 month old isn't capable of soothing themselves and falling asleep on their own is incorrect. if they haven't learned that ability by the time they're 7 or 8 months, it's because they haven't HAD to learn it, and that will be a lot worse to deal with the older they get. no baby is going to have psychological damage because they had to cry for 30 minutes. it's always harder on the parent than the baby.
babies our kids' age are learning cause & effect. if you want them to continue whatever behavior they have, then keep doing what you're doing, & be happy with your decision.
if you want part of their behavior to change, it's up to you, the parent, to do just that...PARENT. guide them in the way you want them to go.
I realize that part of the argument here is about where we as parents want to "draw the line in the sand" on certain issues, and I'm not here to tell you that where you draw that line is incorrect. I respect that what is right for my family isn't right for every family.
My problem is with statements like those above. They set unrealistic expectations in new parents and cause people to do things even if they aren't comfortable with them, because they think they "have to". Sleep training is not required for all children.
As I stated before, my daughter had no trouble falling asleep on her own at 10 1/2 months. And she continues to this day as a 3 year old to fall asleep on her own. Every attempt to put her down "drowsy but awake" before 10 1/2 months resulted in a baby so upset after a minute of crying that it took me 45 minutes to calm her down. When she was ready and mature enough to fall asleep on her own, she wasn't even upset that I left the room.
I just personally hate the fear-mongering on these boards that "if you don't sleep train your baby by the time they are X months old, you're going to have a really hard time getting them to fall asleep alone / fall asleep without their sleep crutch / fall asleep unswaddled, etc"
I also hate the assumption that just because a parent doesn't sleep train their child, they must be some sort of pushover that lets their child do whatever they want. We don't sleep train our children or ignore their cries overnight, but we do set lots of age-appropriate boundaries.
Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
no one's advocating plopping a baby in a crib without hugs, kisses, cuddles, stories, whatever routine you have determined works for your house. but to think that your 4-6 month old isn't capable of soothing themselves and falling asleep on their own is incorrect. if they haven't learned that ability by the time they're 7 or 8 months, it's because they haven't HAD to learn it, and that will be a lot worse to deal with the older they get. no baby is going to have psychological damage because they had to cry for 30 minutes. it's always harder on the parent than the baby.
babies our kids' age are learning cause & effect. if you want them to continue whatever behavior they have, then keep doing what you're doing, & be happy with your decision.
if you want part of their behavior to change, it's up to you, the parent, to do just that...PARENT. guide them in the way you want them to go.
I realize that part of the argument here is about where we as parents want to "draw the line in the sand" on certain issues, and I'm not here to tell you that where you draw that line is incorrect. I respect that what is right for my family isn't right for every family.
My problem is with statements like those above. They set unrealistic expectations in new parents and cause people to do things even if they aren't comfortable with them, because they think they "have to". Sleep training is not required for all children.
As I stated before, my daughter had no trouble falling asleep on her own at 10 1/2 months. And she continues to this day as a 3 year old to fall asleep on her own. Every attempt to put her down "drowsy but awake" before 10 1/2 months resulted in a baby so upset after a minute of crying that it took me 45 minutes to calm her down. When she was ready and mature enough to fall asleep on her own, she wasn't even upset that I left the room.
I just personally hate the fear-mongering on these boards that "if you don't sleep train your baby by the time they are X months old, you're going to have a really hard time getting them to fall asleep alone / fall asleep without their sleep crutch / fall asleep unswaddled, etc"
I also hate the assumption that just because a parent doesn't sleep train their child, they must be some sort of pushover that lets their child do whatever they want. We don't sleep train our children or ignore their cries overnight, but we do set lots of age-appropriate boundaries.
And as much as you hate THAT fearmongering, I hate the implication that I am some sort of witch who never should have had children (and should give the ones I do have up for adoption) if I allow my children to CIO for any amount of time. Again, what works for some families doesn't work for all families. My 3 month old doesn't WANT to be comforted when he's trying to fall asleep. He wants to lay down, cry a bit and fall asleep. Any attempts to comfort those cries away results in increased frustration on his part. And yet, people on this board would have me believe that he's somehow going to not trust me or grow up a non-trusting child because he's CIO? What a crock.
no one's advocating plopping a baby in a crib without hugs, kisses, cuddles, stories, whatever routine you have determined works for your house. but to think that your 4-6 month old isn't capable of soothing themselves and falling asleep on their own is incorrect. if they haven't learned that ability by the time they're 7 or 8 months, it's because they haven't HAD to learn it, and that will be a lot worse to deal with the older they get. no baby is going to have psychological damage because they had to cry for 30 minutes. it's always harder on the parent than the baby.
babies our kids' age are learning cause & effect. if you want them to continue whatever behavior they have, then keep doing what you're doing, & be happy with your decision.
if you want part of their behavior to change, it's up to you, the parent, to do just that...PARENT. guide them in the way you want them to go.
I realize that part of the argument here is about where we as parents want to "draw the line in the sand" on certain issues, and I'm not here to tell you that where you draw that line is incorrect. I respect that what is right for my family isn't right for every family.
My problem is with statements like those above. They set unrealistic expectations in new parents and cause people to do things even if they aren't comfortable with them, because they think they "have to". Sleep training is not required for all children.
As I stated before, my daughter had no trouble falling asleep on her own at 10 1/2 months. And she continues to this day as a 3 year old to fall asleep on her own. Every attempt to put her down "drowsy but awake" before 10 1/2 months resulted in a baby so upset after a minute of crying that it took me 45 minutes to calm her down. When she was ready and mature enough to fall asleep on her own, she wasn't even upset that I left the room.
I just personally hate the fear-mongering on these boards that "if you don't sleep train your baby by the time they are X months old, you're going to have a really hard time getting them to fall asleep alone / fall asleep without their sleep crutch / fall asleep unswaddled, etc"
I also hate the assumption that just because a parent doesn't sleep train their child, they must be some sort of pushover that lets their child do whatever they want. We don't sleep train our children or ignore their cries overnight, but we do set lots of age-appropriate boundaries.
I don't think that's an unrealistic expectation at all...I totally agree that every baby is different; some are more ready for it at a younger age; some when they're a little older. But at some point within that 4-6 month timeframe, yes, they are capable of learning to soothe themselves when it comes to sleep.
If you were picking up your daughter after she cried for a minute or two, then you weren't trying to start sleep training yet, and that's fine. That's totally, 100% your choice.
The problem comes in when people (not you) start complaining "my LO wakes up every 45 minutes/i have to go in there every 5 minutes/I can't get him to fall asleep," etc., and they're not willing to take the steps they need to in order to stop that cycle. My thing is, if you're going to gripe about it, then work to fix it. Obviously whatever's going on for you at that point isn't working.
I agree that not all children need sleep training, but they are definitely in the minority. For the ones who are having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, if you're good with getting up & going in there all night, then by all means, keep the status quo.
Otherwise, at this age, they are capable of learning how to do it on their own, but it's up to you as the parent to determine "okay; we're going to do things this way now and see if we can change this situation."
Personally, I think the fear-mongering is very much the other way on here...that those of us who did sleep training, or didn't rock our babies for 45 minutes before bed, are somehow depriving them of attention and we're all raising serial killers who will require therapy because they weren't hugged enough as a baby. It's ridiculous.
All I have to say about the whole argument is you don't see many, if any, 16 years olds needing their mommy to rock or nurse them to sleep. I think we tend to get so zoned in on the here and now we neglect to look at the bigger picture- all babies eventually grow up to be big kids, who grow up to be adults. They'll get there, even though they all take a different path.
Some kids are needier than others. Some need physical contact with their mommies more often than others. At the end of the day though, they'll all grow up to a point where they grow apart from us, and don't need us. I'd rather get in all the hugs, kisses, snuggles and carrying of my babies that I can, while I can, because at the end of the day, the time they're this age is all too fleeting, and I want to cherish every second of it.
All I have to say about the whole argument is you don't see many, if any, 16 years olds needing their mommy to rock or nurse them to sleep. I think we tend to get so zoned in on the here and now we neglect to look at the bigger picture- all babies eventually grow up to be big kids, who grow up to be adults. They'll get there, even though they all take a different path.
Some kids are needier than others. Some need physical contact with their mommies more often than others. At the end of the day though, they'll all grow up to a point where they grow apart from us, and don't need us. I'd rather get in all the hugs, kisses, snuggles and carrying of my babies that I can, while I can, because at the end of the day, the time they're this age is all too fleeting, and I want to cherish every second of it.
All I have to say about the whole argument is you don't see many, if any, 16 years olds needing their mommy to rock or nurse them to sleep. I think we tend to get so zoned in on the here and now we neglect to look at the bigger picture- all babies eventually grow up to be big kids, who grow up to be adults. They'll get there, even though they all take a different path.
Some kids are needier than others. Some need physical contact with their mommies more often than others. At the end of the day though, they'll all grow up to a point where they grow apart from us, and don't need us. I'd rather get in all the hugs, kisses, snuggles and carrying of my babies that I can, while I can, because at the end of the day, the time they're this age is all too fleeting, and I want to cherish every second of it.
I respect that what is right for my family isn't right for every family.
And as much as you hate THAT fearmongering, I hate the implication that I am some sort of witch who never should have had children (and should give the ones I do have up for adoption) if I allow my children to CIO for any amount of time. Again, what works for some families doesn't work for all families. My 3 month old doesn't WANT to be comforted when he's trying to fall asleep. He wants to lay down, cry a bit and fall asleep. Any attempts to comfort those cries away results in increased frustration on his part. And yet, people on this board would have me believe that he's somehow going to not trust me or grow up a non-trusting child because he's CIO? What a crock.
I'm sorry that people make you feel that way. Truly. I don't agree with the angry posts above. It sounds like your son cries to unwind and fall asleep. My DS does that in the car, but he won't do it in his crib.
As you can see from my quote above, I don't think that "our" way is the right way for all families...just as I don't think that all families "have" to sleep train. To each his own.
I'm done now. Good luck.
Heather Margaret --- Feb '07 and Todd Eldon --- April '09
Re: Baby Manipulating Parents (kinda long)
I realize that part of the argument here is about where we as parents want to "draw the line in the sand" on certain issues, and I'm not here to tell you that where you draw that line is incorrect. I respect that what is right for my family isn't right for every family.
My problem is with statements like those above. They set unrealistic expectations in new parents and cause people to do things even if they aren't comfortable with them, because they think they "have to". Sleep training is not required for all children.
As I stated before, my daughter had no trouble falling asleep on her own at 10 1/2 months. And she continues to this day as a 3 year old to fall asleep on her own. Every attempt to put her down "drowsy but awake" before 10 1/2 months resulted in a baby so upset after a minute of crying that it took me 45 minutes to calm her down. When she was ready and mature enough to fall asleep on her own, she wasn't even upset that I left the room.
I just personally hate the fear-mongering on these boards that "if you don't sleep train your baby by the time they are X months old, you're going to have a really hard time getting them to fall asleep alone / fall asleep without their sleep crutch / fall asleep unswaddled, etc"
I also hate the assumption that just because a parent doesn't sleep train their child, they must be some sort of pushover that lets their child do whatever they want. We don't sleep train our children or ignore their cries overnight, but we do set lots of age-appropriate boundaries.
And as much as you hate THAT fearmongering, I hate the implication that I am some sort of witch who never should have had children (and should give the ones I do have up for adoption) if I allow my children to CIO for any amount of time. Again, what works for some families doesn't work for all families. My 3 month old doesn't WANT to be comforted when he's trying to fall asleep. He wants to lay down, cry a bit and fall asleep. Any attempts to comfort those cries away results in increased frustration on his part. And yet, people on this board would have me believe that he's somehow going to not trust me or grow up a non-trusting child because he's CIO? What a crock.
I don't think that's an unrealistic expectation at all...I totally agree that every baby is different; some are more ready for it at a younger age; some when they're a little older. But at some point within that 4-6 month timeframe, yes, they are capable of learning to soothe themselves when it comes to sleep.
If you were picking up your daughter after she cried for a minute or two, then you weren't trying to start sleep training yet, and that's fine. That's totally, 100% your choice.
The problem comes in when people (not you) start complaining "my LO wakes up every 45 minutes/i have to go in there every 5 minutes/I can't get him to fall asleep," etc., and they're not willing to take the steps they need to in order to stop that cycle. My thing is, if you're going to gripe about it, then work to fix it. Obviously whatever's going on for you at that point isn't working.
I agree that not all children need sleep training, but they are definitely in the minority. For the ones who are having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, if you're good with getting up & going in there all night, then by all means, keep the status quo.
Otherwise, at this age, they are capable of learning how to do it on their own, but it's up to you as the parent to determine "okay; we're going to do things this way now and see if we can change this situation."
Personally, I think the fear-mongering is very much the other way on here...that those of us who did sleep training, or didn't rock our babies for 45 minutes before bed, are somehow depriving them of attention and we're all raising serial killers who will require therapy because they weren't hugged enough as a baby. It's ridiculous.
All I have to say about the whole argument is you don't see many, if any, 16 years olds needing their mommy to rock or nurse them to sleep. I think we tend to get so zoned in on the here and now we neglect to look at the bigger picture- all babies eventually grow up to be big kids, who grow up to be adults. They'll get there, even though they all take a different path.
Some kids are needier than others. Some need physical contact with their mommies more often than others. At the end of the day though, they'll all grow up to a point where they grow apart from us, and don't need us. I'd rather get in all the hugs, kisses, snuggles and carrying of my babies that I can, while I can, because at the end of the day, the time they're this age is all too fleeting, and I want to cherish every second of it.
This.
I'm sorry that people make you feel that way. Truly. I don't agree with the angry posts above. It sounds like your son cries to unwind and fall asleep. My DS does that in the car, but he won't do it in his crib.
As you can see from my quote above, I don't think that "our" way is the right way for all families...just as I don't think that all families "have" to sleep train. To each his own.
I'm done now. Good luck.