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Blended Families
Looking for impartical views
Hello Ladies!!!
I mostly lurk on this board, but DH and I had a situation over the weekend that we have mixed views on.
DH is ordered to pay $650 bi-weekly for SS. This amount is well over the 20% allowed state amount. I "try" to stay out of any situations with BM including CS court. So I have no idea how this dollar amount was contrived.
Here's the situation: BM called over the weekend saying that the baby ran out of diapers and DH needed to bring her some. He told her no, she could get them. I told him he could just take half the box we have over to her. Well he was dead set against it. Now I have no idea what she does with the money she received, but my first thought was the baby having to go without. Now she's not the most trustworthy person, but my position was, she's not asking for money she's asking for the diapers. DH's position is: In addition to $1300 a month, I now have to buy miscellanous stuff for her house in addition to keeping our house ready for his visits. He feels that she's using the money on her car note and for personal stuff, and if that's what she spends it on then she needs to figure out how to get the things the baby needs.
I understand DH position, but he was telling my sister and she took my initial position of, these are needs for the baby not for her. What do you guys think?
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Re: Looking for impartical views
Unfortunately, I agree with your H.
Diapers should be covered by child support. Especially that much. Our BM requests we pay for misc. items as well, and its frustrating. Especially because we provide him with everything he needs at our home, and have another baby to consider.
This is why I think CP's should provide proof of what they spend CS on. But thats just me and my opinion.
I agree with the PPs...
if you do it once, you will forever be doing it. $1300 is enough for the necessities of a child.
I agree with this post. I'm really torn on this. There was a time that BM was sending SS with no clothes, sometimes a diaper, sometimes in swim trunks (summer time). Shewould take diapers with her when she picked him up all the time and I had an issue with this. I told DH (who was my FI at the time all this was happening) that I didn't think it was fair. He pays a fairly good amt of CS. He said he'd rather pay the extra and just give it to her, b/c he didnt want his son to go without. Which, I get that, you don't want your kid to go without, so I would just shut my trap, because in the end, I too, wanted what was best for SS. We have passed that 'difficult' stage and now, she actually sends him in clothes.
Our policy now is that we send him back in whatever he came in (after I wash it of course, because his clothes are dirty 80% of the time, and smell. No I'm not exaggerating to get sympathy, they truly are gross, and DH picks him up at 10AM, it's not like he has sat around and played for hours on end in these clothes and then we happen to get him and he's now dirty. he comes home DH changes him, and throws BM's clothes in laundry) I send him in clean clothes every week, but it's always ALWAYS the clothes he comes in, or we would never see our clothes again. Clothes aren't cheap. This might be something to start trying Ddemarco. Just a thought.
In regards to the particular situation of the original poster, I agree with your DH. He pays A LOT of CS. It should be able to cover diapers for his kid. BUT at the same time, think if that were your biological kid. Would you want him to suffer just because the other parent is a complete idiot?
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This...
I think this sounds good too, I just don't know how practical it is. ESP if it gets deducted from his paycheck every month. (don't know the set up they have). And if he tries to hand her a check with $20 less, she might cause a stink and bring lawyers in (stupid, but you never know). Would that be 'legal' to do? Or would the diapers be considered a 'gift'?
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
CS is taken directly from his check. So anything he does outside of that is a "gift". He was buying and sending things over before the order and when she filed the order, she told the judge he's never done anything for the baby. This also plays into his decision.
I just feel bad if the baby actually doesn't have diapers.
I agree with DH. She gets plenty of CS that she should be able to provide diapers for her child. I could see if it was a diaper here or there because she forgot the diaper bag or thought there were some in there but come to find out she used them all.
When it comes to buying diapers for DS I plan accordingly. If I run out before I get paid the next time then I might have to bounce a check, but it is my responcability to make sure I have enuough to make it through.
And this is why I want to make out with Ria.
Exactly what I was thinking. And what I do.
I have Pull-ups at my house because Grand#2 isn't fully pottytrained (her mom doesn't bother with stuff like hygiene and training and education) and I refuse to have my carpets or furniture peed on. I will *not* send her home with any that I've bought anymore. I did that (and more) for her when I was raising GD#1 and if she felt she could raise them she can pay for them; I pay for them when they're here (and more than enough when they get sent to mom's. I'm the reason they're dressed decently.) She's old enough to wear big girl panties and her mom needs to get up from watching TV and teach her!
I highly doubt the kiddo would go diaperless. She just didn't want to spend her cigarette and manicure money on them if she could get someone else to pay. I'm cynical like that, though.
I'm glad to see i'm not the only one who sends DS back to his fathers in the clothes he wore home last time. They constantly make him wear clothes that are too small/big. I found myself constantly buying DS new clothes because they would keep his good ones and always send him home in crap. I gave up, last year I went to the Slavation Army and bought a stash of dad's house clothes that fit and sent them there with him. He still came home in clothes that didn't fit or needed to be in the garbage. Now he just wears back what he wore home the previous time. I don't get it, they wear nice clothes, DS's step-brother wears nice clothes always name brand things and they can't seem to bother with getting DS clothes that are decent. Just this past weekend when he came home on Sunday he had on teh same pair of socks he wore there on Friday