I need you adivse..on shower politics — The Bump
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I need you adivse..on shower politics

OK here is the deal...my family is all over the place...my mother and her friend wanna throw a shower with their close friends and clients...then my MIL and grandma are throwing one for just family.....then my aunt who has no kids (and considers me her rent-a-daughter) is now throwing one for her friends....and my best friend is throwing one for our group of people...I really am so happy that eveyone is so excited however it is kind of stressful even now this far away from the parties because I have to help plan and make sure everyones needs are met. I REALLY dont want to sound like a spoiled princess but I dont see the need for all of them when everyone could just get along and do one all together. I come from a large Italian family so I am used to parties but I always plan my own...and it just seems like I am being torn in different directions. PLEASE understand that I am greatful fot the love being show I just need to learn how to give my self to each group equally ....wwyd? is anyone else experiencing this? or similar?Party!!!
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Re: I need you adivse..on shower politics

  • Honestly - you need to back out of the planning. Aside from talking dates and guest list, just back out.

    If, by chance, someone needs some extra help, then help THEM.  You don't have to then run around and do the exact same for everyone else.  Just follow their lead and focus on the day of the actual shower.

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  • I agree with pp, let the hostesses plan everything and stay out of everything.  This will take stress off of you.  If they ask you a question, answer it but don't get involved in the day to day planning.  Try to sit back and enjoy the parties.


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  • Four showers is a lot, but not really excessive in my opinion especially if they are all being thrown by and attended by different people. 

    You could ask them to combine, or just sit back and enjoy the parties! 

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  • imageEastCoastBride:

    Honestly - you need to back out of the planning. Aside from talking dates and guest list, just back out.

    If, by chance, someone needs some extra help, then help THEM.  You don't have to then run around and do the exact same for everyone else.  Just follow their lead and focus on the day of the actual shower.

    this exactly!

  • imagecubbie8685:
    I have to help plan and make sure everyones needs are met. Party!!!

    Why is this your responsibility?  When you are the guest of honor you shouldn't have to plan anything or meet anyones needs. 

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  • imageMWoodside:

    I have to help plan and make sure everyones needs are met. Party!!!

    Why is this your responsibility?  When you are the guest of honor you shouldn't have to plan anything or meet anyones needs. 

    I agree. Sit back and let them "shower" you and baby! Enjoy yourself.

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  • I agree with the others. People give you a baby shower. That means your only job is to show up, you shouldnt have to plan anything, that's their job. On the bright side, I would register for a crap load of stuff including lots of diapers. Lucky you, I wish I was having 4 showers!!!
  • Do NOT help plan these showers. It is very nice that these ppl are offering, so now they have to follow through on their offers. The most you should be doing is giving them a guest list and then sitting back and letting them do the work. I am usually the party planner, too, but this time, I am going to let my sister....and mother do the planning. It is about you and you don't have to make sure everyone's needs are met. That is for the party planners to do.
  • I would feel the same way. That's alot of showers. Can you Aunt combine hers with your mom's or MIL?

    I'm only having one, and I feel stressed about it. I have nothing to do with it either. I'm just a stresser and like to be in control.

    Hope it all works out.

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  • I think you should focus on something else instead of helping to plan the shower. For starters it sounds like a large group of people who you will need to send thank you cards to. Maybe focus on finding a card you like, getting everyone's address/info ahead of time, looking for hostess gifts and stuff like that. I have spent a lot of time looking into getting appropriate gifts for the people throwing my shower. It helped me feel involved without really being involved. Let them stress out about the party planning portion.
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  • Yup, agree with PP's.  This shouldn't be a stress for you because the limit of your obligation is answering questions they ask (which primarily should be about good dates/times, anything else if you don't want to think about you can leave up to them), and picking up a little hostess gift for each.

  • I am on the same boat with you; and I try to stay away from it as much as possible.
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  • Well, if they don't get along and you know which ones do and don't you just have to make sure you don't send an invite to a guest more than once.  Small showers are very nice actually.  I had 3 with my first DD and they were all fairly small (8-12 people).  I even had one week-end where I had 2 (Saturday and Sunday).  Just keep track of who you are sending invites out to...kwim?  Otherwise let the hostesses have their fun.
  • I totally feel you on this cubbie!  I am...or was...going through the same situation.  Early on, a handful of friends and family offered to throw me a shower.  So, I ended up coming up with the idea of having a multiple-hostess shower.  With everyone's schedules and my own, it would have just been too stressful to go to different places at different times, besides the fact that I wrote up a very nice "guidelines" of how I would throw the shower if I were giving it myself.  I am "the hostess with the mostess" and love entertaining.  My sister and sisters-in-law did not like it and felt it would be too expensive to have a shower of so many people.  I finally conceded and cut nearly half of my guest list (of which half of that half were kids).  So my sister and one of my sisters-in-law is throwing me a shower at my mom's and then my BFF from church who we are actually asking to be Godparents this Sunday will be throwing me a separate shower with just our church ladies.  The other sister-in-law couldn't get a day off on any of the 7 choices of dates, so unfortunately she will be unable to attend.  I am throwing my husband a diaper party on the same date at the same time, at my house because nobody else seems to be able to get it together or "sees" the purpose in it.  So I will prepare enchiladas the day before and get everthting together for him and then the men (whose guest list is less than 10) can all fend for themslelves, watch the game, scratch themselves or whatever else guys do sans their women.  I also felt that i was being a little Diva, or as my sister called me, "babyzilla."  I am grateful, but when she's said, "it's not up to you, we are throwing you the party," it kind of bothered me.  I am over it now and will be happy and grateful for all that I have and we will end up having an enjoyable time no matter what!! :)  So, ask your hostess(es) what the guest list limit is, submit your list to them and decide on date(s).  Offer a few "ideas" and leave it at that.  This should be a happy time, not stressful.  And yes, this is coming from me, Mrs. OCD Control Freak herself!! Wink
  • Hardly anyone in my family, or my friends like each other. So having more than 1 baby shower is essential !!! A friend is throwing me a shower in a few weeks and all I did was give her a list of people to invite. My in laws are throwing me a shower, and since only in laws are coming, no need for me to prepare a guest list.

    Then in May I'm throwing myself a babyshower that's co-ed, so all my family and friends are coming, along with their significant others, and kids. I'm calling it a Baby-Que, "BBQ, style baby shower".

    Its in an outdoor venue, but for those who can't afford a huge outdoor venue, rent a park pavillion for a day, its not very expensive at all, $20-$30 in most places, without deposit. Just go to your city's website for park rental info!

    I'm ordering Jason's Deli to make a sandwhich, veggie, and fruit tray, not very expensive for the amount of food you get, so all I have to do is place the order and my boyfriend picks it up. Then of course, my cousin is running a BBQ with burgers, hotdogs, etc... during the shower, so everything is taken care of.

    A co-ed party is a blessing, because now my boyfriend can do all the work for a change, and do anything I ask him to do, yay! So no need for me to stress out, plenty of people who love me, will be there to help.

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  • I come from a Greek family, so I understand feeling that when you are the guest of honor, you feel the need to please. However, since this is not my Big, Fat, Baby Shower, you don't need to do any pleasing. If this feels unnatural, set up a place for all the "leads" of each party to meet you to help plan one, or, like someone else suggested, just sit back and enjoy, my small, slim, plentiful American baby showers, which may be less stress in the end.

     Whatever you decision, try to limit the unnecessary cortisol that stress produces to your baby. Pick the least stressful for YOU. :)

  • I'm not a pro considering this is my first baby.  But my friends and family were trying to do the same thing.  One group throwing a shower on this day, one on another... and it was getting stressful for me too.  Especially because they are all supposed to be surprises.  I'm not even allowed to know who some of them are.  But I talked to my DH and I convinced him to talk to the party throwers and see if they could all just work together and throw one party.  Once he realized that it was getting stressful for me even though I wasn't allowed to plan anything (except the guest list) he talked to them and they agreed to do it all together.  I still don't have a clue who is throwing it but I know that some of my friends and family have become involved in the planning.  I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  Now I can sit back and relax and wait for the one special day I get to share with all my friends and family together.  Hope that helps.  Good luck!
  • I agree with PP.  Just don't get involved.  It's their business to throw you the party.  All you are supposed to do is show up, nothing else.  If you get more involved, it looks like you are throwing showers for yourself and you are not.  Just try not to think about what everyone is doing and enjoy the zillions of parties.

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  • imagejbaby901:
    I agree with the others. People give you a baby shower. That means your only job is to show up, you shouldnt have to plan anything, that's their job. On the bright side, I would register for a crap load of stuff including lots of diapers. Lucky you, I wish I was having 4 showers!!!

     Totally agree with this from start to finish.

  • It's great you have all these people offering to throw you baby showers, but THEY are they ones throwing it. You shouldn't have to do any of the planning other than address for invites and dates that are good for you. You shouldn't be stressed about a party.

    The idea of someone hosting your party means they are the ones who pay and plan it, you should be sitting back and waiting for the fest to begin.

    Good luck. :)

  • Lay back and enjoy.Let them worry about everything. I wish I was in your position.
  • That all sounds very stressful. I to have many people to invite, my parents are divorced and remarried and I have my husbands family. Along with all my friends. So I decided to have one big baby shower and invite them all and then my work is having a shower for me too. This just seemed like the best solution instead of having so many showers. Hopefully it works out for you. Good Luck.
  • You have all been so helpful with your ideas! I am going to talk to everyone involved with the showers and give them a couple ideas and let them know that the constant questions as if I am the host instead of the mama-of-honor is  stressful. Thank you all for taking time to help!! you all are an awesome group of bumpies ...makes me glad to be an August mama!!!! 
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  • I am having 4 showers as well. My mom and Aunt is doing one in a few weeks. My sis-in-law is doing one, my co-worker, and my friends are doing one. It is actually less stressful having a couple of these since everyone lives so far apart. The only thing that anyone wants from me is addresses and dates that they will be convenient for me. This is the way it should be since they offered to do them for me. I shouldn't have to help plan anything unless they need clarification or an opinion.
  • If you want to help with planning, then you may need to put your foot down and condense some of these parties. Even if you have no hand in creating them, that is a lot to go through, parties can be stressful.


    Other wise, maybe just let them handle the plans. Either way, may require some stern-ness on your part. 

  • I completely understand how you feel. You want to help and be a part, but this is one of the few times in your life that it is ok to be pampered.  Let them worry about the showers, and let them do as much as possible for you.  You and your baby will need all the gifts, support, and love you can get.  Sometimes people, especially family, can be overbearing, but you just have to let them do it. At least for a while, so they can get it out of their system.  Personally I think babies just make people go crazy, but in a good way.  It's a new life, family member, and they all want to be a part.  Honestly, you don't need the stress of planning a shower.  I know you are not ungrateful, but you probably feel like you are superwoman and can do everything.  Well, trust me if you try your body will give you a rude awakening.  So, don't put yourself through that stress.
  • I agree for the most part with the others who replied. However, depending on when people are throwing you these showers and how you feel you may not be up to 4 different parties. I would suggest not to get involved in the planning but possibly make a simple suggestion to your aunt and your grandma to combine their parties because your aunt is still family and a few of her friends shouldn't be a big deal. If people are insistent then oh well go with the flow.
  • I am having 4 baby showers too! At first I was kinda skeptical but the need for it was called for. I work in 1 city so my friends are having one there, i am having 1 for work @ work and in the city I live in my Dad's  family is having one and the other is my Mother throwing 1. Yes divorced parents so each wanna do something for me. I now take it as a blessing. Takes up my final weekends to prep for baby since the weekdays we have no time to really prep but at least I may get all the other essentials I have not been able to go get yet. Man this month will go by FAST!!! I feel tired already. But I am going to be pampered a bit and not focus on who is having fun or not. That is what the hostess does not the Guest of Honor.

    Good luck with your showers and sit back and enjoy!

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