Success after IF
armywife76
member
Uh oh, is this anti-AP?
armywife76
member
I just checked out the link to the AP principles site that was posted yesterday. It seems like the exact opposite of what most of my friends recommend. In fact, several of them swear by the book Babywise for helping to establish sleeping patterns, especially those planning to return to work. I haven't read it yet but it's next on my reading list. I don't remember seeing anyone post about BW. Has anyone tried it or have strong feelings one way or the other?
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Re: Uh oh, is this anti-AP?
Maybe I should start by saying I'm not AP or anything else, I don't like the idea of being labeled, I just do what works best for my family and my baby...
I have a friend who is HARDCORE babywise. I think there are some good points (although I admit, I didn't read the book) but she took it to the extreme doing things like rubbing ice on baby's foot to keep him awake after a feeding or letting him cry for an hour because it wasn't time to eat yet. I could never get behind those practices.
I found (with my admittedly easy, laid back baby) that by feeding on demand she worked herself into a schedule and then I found easy ways to tweak it to make it work best for all of us.
I'd recommend reading it, what's that going to hurt? but keep in mind, you have to do what works best for the whole family.
E
I read it and I think the whole controversy is blown out of proportion. I didn't read anywhere in the book that it tells you not to feed your baby if he/she is hungry or anything so awful like that. The general idea I got is that your baby is an important member of your family, but not the center of the universe. So they feel it's important for your baby to grow up knowing that all the members of your family are important. Therefore it's ok to do your best to get the baby on a schedule that works for all of you for eating and sleeping.
I recommend you read it for yourself instead of buying into the hysteria surrounding it. I was expecting it to advocate all sorts of horrible things and it didn't (unless I missed something). Like every other book/philosophy, you have to take from it what you can and always use common sense and your own comfort as a guide. There are no right or wrong "rules" to parenthood in my experience. Lots of different approaches can achieve the same goal - a happy, healthy baby and family.
I'm not a huge fan of the book. I honestly think that things run smoother when you let the baby dictate their own schedule. When Paige was a newborn, that would have been disastrous for us. She wasn't interested in eating during the day, but from 5 PM - 10 PM she was eating every 30 minutes. That is just what she preferred.
That being said - I don't think the book is as bad as some people think. There are some good points in there. Read it, and take away what you want from it. Some babies might thrive on a structured schedule like that. Mine wouldn't have.
Disclaimer - I've never read Babywise.
From what I've heard on here, many people do not support the method outlined in Babywise because it is too rigid. If you follow the schedule outlined to a T (like the PP mentioned her friend does) you could do some damage to the baby b/c babies are supposed to be fed more often initially, especially if they're BF. However, if you take some of the principles and use it in a reasonable manner (ie. if your kid is hungry after 2 hours instead of 3, feed the baby then).
Personally, my favorite so far has been the Baby Whisperer. While she does not recommend a schedule, she does recommend a routine. Her method is "EASY" - Eat, activity, sleep, you. So basically, DD wakes up n the morning, we eat first thing, play for 1-1.5 more hours, then she naps and I do my thing. I also liked "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" for a guide of how much sleep DD should be getting based on her age (though I do think it's a little off - according to that book, she should be down to 2 naps per day by now, but she's still doing 3-4).
Actually, I think all this parenting method stuff is stuff I worried about more before I had DD at home. Once you have your baby home and are actually applying all this stuff, you kind of figure out what works best for you. There are so many "methods" out there, I'm sure one will fit what you're doing. We were doing EASY long before I read the book.
if your looking for a good read for guidance (the key word) I suggest the baby whisperer. the EASY method is logical and worked beautifully for us. however, this book got me kicked off the AP board.
of course a mother always looks for cues from baby but ginny never told us when she was sleepy (until we hit the full-on meltdown -- no fun for anyone.) we followed the rhythm of EASY and it established a flexible routine that simply made sense. we have a great sleeper now!
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"our IF story"
I haven't read any parenting books yet and have zero experience - but that sounds so, so harsh. I'm hoping sleep deprivation does not push me to that point.
ITA. I also think that some parents (like me) genuinely believe that babies thrive on a routine and predictability, at least when they are very young. It annoys me to no end when people go around saying that Baby Whisperer/Babywise parents want the baby on "our schedule" like we do that so we can leave them at home to run to the mall. The BW/BW moms I've met have mostly commented that it made their babies happier and it made it easier to figure out what their baby needed.
Since you asked... I have strong, strong feelings of DISLIKE for the concepts and opinions put forth in Babywise. I think trying to adhere to any kind of rigid schedule, and letting a young baby CIO for any length of time are really, really bad and damaging ideas.
Babies don't ask to be born. WE bring them here. We owe them a loving, soothing, environment - full of warmth, embraces, and calm. A place they can learn to trust and feel safe. There is nothing more natural and normal than HOLDING your young baby - A LOT. Even while they sleep sometimes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
A favorite quote that I think sums it up well, "remember, you are raising a human being, not managing an inconvenience." Also - check out the quote in my siggy - by a REAL baby and sleep expert - not an idiot (like the guy who wrote Babywise.) My 2 cents .. because you asked!
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
This is exactly true for me. I've never read any books; always followed Cal's cues for feeding, sleeping, etc., and it has all unfolded beautifully into a predictable schedule. (No, he doesn't quite STTN, but that's never been a goal of ours, either.) That said, I don't have a high needs baby or one who fights sleep...if that were the case, I might be responding differently! But I do think that following the natural cycle of things is a good first step - if things don't go well for you or baby after that point, perhaps looking into gentle encouragement of a schedule could be beneficial. I've heard good things about the No Cry Sleep Solution.
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Agreed with this, but I haven't read Babywise. Just have steered clear based on what I read. And I'll also disclose that I'm pretty AP (at least I try to be) so I'm biased, but I'm not die-hard AP (we may be sleep training soon because none of us are getting the kind of sleep we need - baby included).