No T&P, just need to get it out — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

No T&P, just need to get it out

Please, I don't want thoughts and prayers.  I just need a second to get everything out...

I said good-bye to a really good friend of mine tonight.  He passed away on Tuesday night.  For two years of my life, I spent just about everyday with this person.  He was such an amazing friend. We used to hang out at the local Perkins, him writing songs and me drawing.  Before the services, I came across a photo of a tattoo he'd asked me to draw, that I never finished.  I lost it.

It's so hard being a mommy right now, because my mind is elsewhere.  DH doesn't understand because the person he knew, wasn't the same person I knew.  And with DH at work right now, it just makes it harder.  I didn't want to say anything on the bump, but I'm completely losing it right now... he was so talented, and had more going for him than I think he knew.  He's the that helped me to come out of my shell.  The one who helped make me who I am.  I keep replaying the last time I saw him (2 years ago) over and over in my head, wondering why things are different.  I keep replaying the times at Perkins over and over. 

It sucks.  I feel like I'm being a bad Mommy because LO is laying next to me, and I just can't pay attention because I'm crying so hard.  Shes not crying or anything, just doing her usual.  Almost like she's try to cheer me up.


It's one thing not talking to a good friend in two years, it's a whole other to know you're never going to see them again.  I just hope he knows the impact he had on my life in the five years I knew him. 

 Sorry... I just needed a place to  release my pain for a second.  Thanks.

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Re: No T&P, just need to get it out

  • *Hugs*

    "Love is what makes pain bearable." - I love you my Angels. 
    **All After a Loss Welcome**
    BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
    BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
    BFP #3: 12/19/13 (4 w1d) EDD 8/27/14 - 1/1/14 discovered it was ectopic/ tube had burst/ had surgery to remove tube (@ 6 weeks)
    BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
    BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow! 

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  • Pick up your baby, cuddle her and remember that life goes on. Know that now your LO will have a guardian angel.
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  • It's amazing how just getting out, even to internet strangers can help you feel so much better.  This all sucks.  Luckily, LO fell asleep, so I don't feel so bad sitting here letting everything just hit me.  Dh doesn't know this, but if things had gone differently the last time I saw my friend, things could very well be different in my life.  In a way, I'm lucky, because I got the greatest little girl I could ever ask for.  But that doesn't make the past hurt any less. 

    At the services, when the parents of my friend were speaking, all I could think was "I could never imagine this happening to me..." or "I would never be able to hold composure"... His parents are going through hell right now.  Ha.  The kid was less than a week from starting a new life.  Getting out of our small town and starting a new life far far away. 

    He's always going to have an impact on our town.  An amazing muscian, writer, friend.  He's the legend that will never be forgotten.  And I am lucky enough to have known him.

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  • ::::hugs::::: cuddle with your sweet baby and remember to be thankful for all the things in life you have! I'm so sorry about your friend- I can only imagine your pain. Like pp said- you lo now has a guardian angel!
    Parker 12:09:09 Alyssa 5:31:12
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