Please, I don't want thoughts and prayers. I just need a second to get everything out...
I said good-bye to a really good friend of mine tonight. He passed away on Tuesday night. For two years of my life, I spent just about everyday with this person. He was such an amazing friend. We used to hang out at the local Perkins, him writing songs and me drawing. Before the services, I came across a photo of a tattoo he'd asked me to draw, that I never finished. I lost it.
It's so hard being a mommy right now, because my mind is elsewhere. DH doesn't understand because the person he knew, wasn't the same person I knew. And with DH at work right now, it just makes it harder. I didn't want to say anything on the bump, but I'm completely losing it right now... he was so talented, and had more going for him than I think he knew. He's the that helped me to come out of my shell. The one who helped make me who I am. I keep replaying the last time I saw him (2 years ago) over and over in my head, wondering why things are different. I keep replaying the times at Perkins over and over.
It sucks. I feel like I'm being a bad Mommy because LO is laying next to me, and I just can't pay attention because I'm crying so hard. Shes not crying or anything, just doing her usual. Almost like she's try to cheer me up.
It's one thing not talking to a good friend in two years, it's a whole other to know you're never going to see them again. I just hope he knows the impact he had on my life in the five years I knew him.
Sorry... I just needed a place to release my pain for a second. Thanks.