Adoption
cara-n-steve
member
Intro and ??
cara-n-steve
member
in Adoption
Hi everyone! So, a little about me: DH and I have been TTC for almost 2 years. I had one m/c this past week, other than that every month has been BFN. We have been considering adoption for a while and after this past week, we feel like it's the right way for us to have our family. I've always been open to adoption but it took DH a little longer to warm up to it. So, I'm starting to collect info. What is your opinion on domestic adoption vs. international adoption? We are leaning more toward domestic but I just wanted to see what pp's opinions are. TIA!!!
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Re: Intro and ??
We chose domestic for several reasons, but the main one was that we wanted a newborn.
If you need ideas for books and websites to check out on adoption, I have links to bunch of stuff in my blog. Link in siggy.
I'm so sorry about your m/c, but wish you luck with adoption!
I'm also sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
We wanted to adopt a newborn, so we decided to go with domestic adoption. We started off with basic books like Adoption for Dummies and just reading pretty much anything else I could get my hands on! I also started coming on this board and asking questions. We met with a couple of agencies and went to some informational meetings before we decided on which agency/program to go with.
There are quite a few adoption blogs listed on my blog, too, if you are interested in reading them. The link is in my signature.
Good luck
Hi and so sorry about your loss. We did a domestic adoption also because (at least for our first child) we wanted a newborn. We also wanted an open adoption. One advantage to an open adoption is knowing the birth parents' medical history. Cost was our final determining factor. For us, domestic was much more feasible. We may do international some day, and are already saving.
Good luck and good for you for doing lots of research. Adoption is an amazing gift!
I'm so sorry about your loss. I've also had 2 miscarriages before adopting Ben. We decided to do domestic adoption because I wanted the experience of having a newborn. We used a facilitator in GA and adopted in Texas. We were matched after Ben was already born. We went from not having a baby to being parents in 24 hours. We were able to take Ben home from the hospital.
We did a lot of research on-line but learned about our facilitator through a lady at my work whose daughter had used them for their adoption.
Good luck with your journey. This board is wonderful and the ladies are so sweet and supportive! I hope to "see" you here often.
I am very sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}
We are doing foster/adopt because we wanted to adopt an older child and we also wanted to adopt from the local area.
I would suggest reading Adoption for Dummies to get a good snapshot about all of the factors about each type of adoption. It will help you make a decision.
first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((((hugs))))))
and secondly, welcome to the board! I'm sure you'll find it really informative and supportive here.
We chose IA from Korea simply b/c DH and I are ethnically Korean.
good luck!!
Oh, thank you.
I really liked reading blogs about adoption, especially when we were waiting after our homestudy. It helps you feel like others are going through what you're going through.
Hi, and welcome to the group!
I?m very sorry to hear about your loss, and hope you find your way to your child(ren) in whatever way best fits your family soon.
I usually suggest that people considering adoption should check out an introductory book on the subject, because there are so many different kinds of adoption, each with its own process. I think books like "Adoption for Dummies" or "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Adoption" (which I used) are a great place to get started. They provide lots of basic information on adoption, the different types, the processes, and how to research an agency. Another good book is "The Complete Adoption Book." Any of these will help you decide which type of adoption best ?fits? your family.
If you then decide that domestic adoption is right for your family, you?ll need to find a good agency. I highly recommend researching any agency you are considering to make sure it abides by ethical standards. For domestic agencies, a great place to look them up is on the yahoo group called "AARD" (Adoption Agency Research ? Domestic). That group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies. You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.
If you choose international, you?ll then need to pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (https://snipurl.com/2patx). Once you've made your country choice, you'll need to find an agency that has a program specializing in adoptions from that country. The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies, and works the same way as ?AARD.?
To answer your question about which type my husband and I chose and way, we were lead to international adoption for many reasons:
1. We have always wanted to adopt, and have not TTC. As such, we wanted to make sure that the child we were adopting wasn?t likely to have other hopeful parents vying to bring them home. This lead us to toddler/?older child? adoption, between the ages of 2-6. (We are open to children with a list of possible disabilities/medical concerns or two relatively healthy siblings.) Still, we had concerns about the US foster care system, and how much trauma a child who was not given up for adoption at birth might have been exposed to prior to being available for adoption. As such, we thought it might be best to look internationally.
2. If we did adopt domestically, it would most likely have been an infant adoption, given our concerns about foster/adopt. To be honest, we feared a failed match. The statistics I?ve seen say that this happens about 20% of the time, but my anecdotal experience makes it seem much more frequent. Regardless, we weren?t comfortable with the chances.
3. We also had concerns of our child?s family requesting financial assistance long after the adoption is final. I know of cases where this has happened, and it was not something that we felt comfortable with. My husband?s ex-wife was left by her mother when she was very young, to be raised by her grandparents. She almost never heard from her (a few times over the course of her life), until after they were married. Suddenly, the mother wanted a relationship, and suggested that she could use financial help. My husband had a difficult time refusing her, and did not want to open the door to a similar possibility in our future.
4. We are so excited to be expanding our family?s cultural heritage! I am German and Egyptian, and have been raised to treasure that background. My husband is German-American. We love to travel, and have fallen in love with South America. We are eager to become a German-Egyptian-Peruvian-American family!
5. Peru is a very poor nation in which many families simply cannot support their children. There are many older children for adoption there, many of whom have lived with their families for some time, because their parents cannot take care of them any longer. It's heartbreaking; often the children are relinquished after one parent dies and the surviving parent can no longer manage to support the entire family alone. There are also many "street children" in Peru who do their best to work and scavenge to get by on their own. We have been so blessed, and have so much to give, we wanted to share it with children who might not otherwise get such a chance.
6. The orphanages in Peru are extremely child-developmentally centered. They provide age-and ability-appropriate education for the children, and do the best to help them overcome delays and unacceptable behaviors. We are comfortable with the manner in which the children are raised and cared for.
7. All children available for adoption from Peru are already living in orphanages, and their parents? rights have already been terminated, so we have no concerns of a parent feeling pressured to relinquish to allow a pending adoption to proceed.
Of course, all these are our reasons and feelings. Not everyone will agree that our fears and concerns are valid, but nonetheless, they are ours. We found a program through which we can adopt with peace of mind, and I?m confident that there is a program out there for anyone who wants to adopt.
Just to clarify, while my husband and I do harbor some fears of US open adoptions, we would still also prefer as open an adoption as possible. We would like to gather as much information about the family while in country as possible, and would love to meet with them. We are completely open to sharing information with them as our child grows, and we have every intention of repeatedly traveling back to Peru with our child. Our main concern stems from their ability to request continuing support from us, and we felt that physical distance would help prevent such an occurrence. Also, as we have learned more about domestic adoptions, we have become more comfortable with the idea of semi-open domestic adoption, and may consider that route for any future adoptions we may pursue.
Whatever you decide, I firmly believe that there is a way to adopt for anyone who really desires to. I wish you and your husband all the best luck as you consider your options and move on to complete your family!
I'm so sorry for your loss.
We are doing domestic because h is Native-American and we are working with a N-A agency but the nice thing is we are also working with Catholic Social Services and will be eligible to adopt through them also. For us it was more for financial reasons.