WWYD- August logistics
In August when I have the baby, I currently don't have anyone to watch Evie while we are at the hospital. Which would be anywhere from 2-5 days depending on if I VBAC or not.
Initially, my best friend was going to take Evie, but at this point, I feel like her daughter is too much of a bully and I feel like if I'm not there, Evie will just get bullied and no one will do anything about it. That is my biggest worry with that.
We then talked about asking my SIL (my brothers wife) to fly down and stay with Evie. She was up for that and we've gone back and forth with some ideas. The biggest problem being when to buy a ticket for her if we don't know when we actually need her. I think I can just buy travel insurance so we can change the ticket though. They also talked about the whole family coming (brother, SIL, niece) and taking the camper down here. I would pay for gas and tolls and I can't even fathom how much a truck and camper gas would cost. Although, probably in line with a flight from BOS to ATL. So far, flights I've looked at have not been cheap.
But the thing is, now I'm starting to feel like I'm putting them out. They casually mentioned how they are going to skip their usual Maine camping trip to come down. And Marrianne asked me when we need her so they can request time off from work. Well, I thought I had made it clear I have no idea. My due date is Aug 21, but that means pretty much nothing. Also, they would need 2 days of driving time on each end. And I have no idea how many days I need them for.
I'm starting to think of scraping the idea of having them come.
Most normal people have grandparents who they trust to come stay with their kids, who are retired and no one worries about time off. But my IL's don't even hold Evie, never mind change a diaper. Plus they could potentially do something crazy like take her to get her ears pierced. (or, God forbid, worse!) Also, they are horrid drivers so I would never let Evie in a car that one of them was behind the wheel of.
Then there's my mom. I would need a baby sitter for my mom, never mind Evie. And forget my dad. In Evie's entire life, he's spent about 3 hours with her. (About an hour each time we visit.)
I don't know what to do. What would you do? Let E stay with friend who may let my kid get beat up? There's also the other idea in my head that Evie would be secondary and since she is not going to be an only child at the end of it, I kind of don't want her to be sharing the spotlight for how ever many days I'm gone, you know? I wanted her to have one on one attention and also stay at her own house.
Or would you ask your family to be inconvenienced.
Or should I just stay at the hospital by myself and have Nico stay at home with Evie.
I have another sister who lives in Greenville and a 16 year old niece. I asked if she could come down and Melinda never answered me, which is annoying.
Sorry this is so long. My mind is constantly racing with this.
Re: WWYD- August logistics
It really sounds like Marrianne is willing to come down and help out. Airlines do help folks when things get tight. But even if they're driving down, it won't take long for them to get here and they can care for Evie the rest of the time.
Is it possible you guys could get Evie into a daycare situation in the next month or so? That would take a lot of the worry off your hands for the daytime and Nico would just need to be home at night for her. Someone could come sit at the hospital with you overnight and help you with the baby. I could totally do that.
Or seriously, I'll take Evie for some time. It's good you're thinking about all of this ahead of time, but take a second and breathe! You'll figure it out!
What kind of bullying is it? Is there a chance Evie could really get hurt? Do you trust your friend to intercede if it gets really bad? Could you have a conversation with your friend about the bullying? My inclination would be to go for the friends with the bully (as long as you talked about the bullying before hand). It's very possible that the bullying is just a phase (although it seems like it's been going one for a while?) and/or that Evie will start standing up for herself. Sam had a friend who was constantly bullying for about a 6 month period, and now it's like it never happened. If you leave Evie with your friends, Nico could always check up on her, and stay with you at night.
The family thing sounds pretty messy and complicated. I am the kind of person that doesn't like to feel like I owe people something, so that situation (with them skipping vacation and taking off work) would make me feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, if I felt my child would be in real danger, I would go for the family and screw the complications.
One other possibility - start looking for a nanny/babysitter that you really trust. You have several months to find one and for Evie to get comfortable with her. As you get farther into your pregnancy you may want some help anyway (like one day a week). When you're interviewing, just make sure that you tell them you're looking for someone who can be there for Evie during your delivery. This might be more expensive than a plane ticket, but could be a better option overall...
Heather, I like this idea. Nico will be off from work anyhow, so he can always check in on Evie. Thanks guys. I think I am going to do the awkward conversation route.
Agree.