Shower for someone who is already a mom
karaknr
member
My SIL is PG with her second child in 3 years, but this baby is a girl and her first was a boy. MY family just always throws a shower for each baby, but my In Laws think its rude to hold more than 1 baby shower per person in a lifetime. My MIL was the one that told me no one was doing a second shower for her so I suggested I throw one. She told me it was rude to. Granted, my SIL and I really arent close at all (not even entirely sure she likes me), but still, I think she should have this baby celebrated as well.
Anyone else ever heard of not throwing a second shower for the second baby? Am I wrong and it really is rude to throw a second shower? I figured as long as mom wasnt the one throwing it, who cares? But let me have your opinions on the matter please:)
Re: Shower for someone who is already a mom
I don't get the whole "but this one is a different gender" thing. Ok...and???
You can celebrate a baby without having a baby shower. If you want to celebrate the baby then have a party or a dinner, not a baby shower because the purpose of a shower isn't to celebrate a baby- it's to give the parents gifts. With that in mind, yes it's tacky, especially if it wasn't that long ago when a person had the last shower.
But most people these days don't really care and do what they want. So go ahead, shower away, but don't be surprised if there are people who find it rude and tacky.
I've never known anyone to host a shower for a second-time Mom.
There was no need to Flame based on that question. "Yes I would think it's rude to host a second shower, and maybe you can just throw a party instead" would have sufficed.
I think every family is different in what they do regarding showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc.. children. While it is something your family does, since your in-laws do NOT do this and since you and your SIL are not that close (you said) I would just let it go. If it is not something their family does, everyone may take issue with it. You don't want to offend anyone.
If that situation comes about with someone on your side of the family - throw them a shower if you want, but I would leave this situation alone.
If, after the baby is born, you want to throw a "welcome baby" party, then I guess you could do that. Again though, if you aren't that close to your SIL, you might just want to let it go.
I really don't think that she was flaming you. You asked a question that she answered and added why most people feel it is tacky to have a 2nd shower. There was nothing rude, mean or inappropriate about her answer. I assure you that in Bump Land her answer was worded very nicely. Some of these ladies will say things that will make your flesh melt.
Yeah this was what I was thinking. I have just never heard of it being rude to have 2. (shocking, I dont know everything haha). I probably wont throw anything at all since it seems like no one wants to do it. It wasnt ever a matter of me really wanting to throw her a shower (idc, I just didnt want her feelings to be hurt), but they obviously wont be haha. Thanks for the advice though!
I agree that's the best way to go. You already know her preference, and you're saving her from being in the awkward position of politely and graciously declining your offer. Less awkwardness all around is always a good thing - and doubly so when pregnancy hormones are involved.
Honestly, SIL is kindof mean. I think if i mentioned it and she really hated the idea she'd make me feel really bad for trying to be nice. If she were a more approachable person I would totally just ask her what she wanted me to do. But she's just not. Again, if we were close this probably wouldnt even be an issue because I would've gone to her in the first place.
To PP: yeah, its common practice in my family to throw more than 1 shower, I hadnt heard otherwise until MIL said something so it's a totally new concept to me. I agree, I think for a second gender sometimes you just need some new things. But, I think that for any new kid youre going to have to buy SOME new things anyway. Fortunatly SIL has pretty non specific items as far as the big stuff when she had her first. But she will still need nursery decore, clothes, bibs, more bottles, more binkies, more blankets, a new boopie cover... ect... HOWEVER, I get that not all people think its necessary.
Im just gonna buy her something nice for the nursery and be done with it lol.
In my family and with my friends we celebrate every single baby. No one finds it rude or tacky or inappropriate. In fact as soon as someone says they are pregant everyone starts planning. I am probably the only one in my family to have a women only shower. Ever. That was an uproar and yet it seems like in other parts co-ed showers are not the norm.
I think the first thing you should do is offer to have a shower for your SIL. If she says no thank you then there is no point in this discussion. If she says yes then go from there. She may want something small or nothing at all.
BTW - don't take other's opinions too personally. I tend to think that people forget that their way is not the only way. They don't consider other cultures, traditions, points of view and believe their own idea of etiquette is always right. It can be self rightous at times but you did ask for opinions & they mean well.