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Disappointed

meghans30meghans30 member
in Parenting
Just a vent really. My brother and I have a bit of a strained relationship, but we've been working on it. A few weeks ago we drove 1.5 hours to attend my nephew's 3rd birthday party @ The Little Gym. I gave him an invite to my son's birthday party for April 17th. Plenty of time for him to make arrangements to be there. He is my only brother with children and my son's only cousins. He left a message saying he wouldn't be able to attend. I'm kinda upset. I've given him plenty of notice to take a day off. Am I wrong?
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Re: Disappointed

  • SumnerBrideSumnerBride
    What was his reason?  I'd be pissed if my brother said that this far in advance.
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  • MelandJeffMelandJeff
    I would express your disappointment to him. See if a bit a of a guilt trip doesnt do the trick
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  • belle204belle204 member
    i think it's understandable to be disappointed. i guess on the bright side he told you now rather than last minute. maybe his plans will change.
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  • ZenyaZenya member
    I wouldn't be upset.  I mean he could have a wedding to go to our something.  Or he's working and has no vacation time left.  there are lots of reasons why he wouldn't be able to come. 
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  • meghans30meghans30 member

    imageSumnerBride:
    What was his reason?  I'd be pissed if my brother said that this far in advance.

    He has to work. The family dynamics are complicated. He has only made it to 2 total birthday parties in the past 5 years. I gave him plenty of notice for this very reason. I e-mailed him letting him know how disappointed I was and telling him I hoped he could squeeze it in somehow. Sometimes families suck. 

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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    In my book, work trumps parties.  He needs to support himself and his family, if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid.  I can understand him not coming but why doesn't the kids come with his wife or do you and your sil not have a good relationship either?  I never expect family or friends to take a day off of work to come to a birthday party, bringing home a paycheck to pay the bills is much more important in my book.
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  • ZenyaZenya member

    imagelittlemermaid:
    In my book, work trumps parties.  He needs to support himself and his family, if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid.  I can understand him not coming but why doesn't the kids come with his wife or do you and your sil not have a good relationship either?  I never expect family or friends to take a day off of work to come to a birthday party, bringing home a paycheck to pay the bills is much more important in my book.

    Agree.

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  • belle204belle204 member
    If she's disappointed, she's disappointed. Yeah, he has to work but it's not like she sprung it on him last minute and, again, it's good he didn't wait until last minute to reply. Sh*t. Let the girl feel what she feels. From the op regarding the already tense relationship I have a feeling this is deeper than whether he can come to some kiddie party.
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  • meghans30meghans30 member

    imagebelle204:
    If she's disappointed, she's disappointed. Yeah, he has to work but it's not like she sprung it on him last minute and, again, it's good he didn't wait until last minute to reply. Sh*t. Let the girl feel what she feels. From the op regarding the already tense relationship I have a feeling this is deeper than whether he can come to some kiddie party.

    Thanks Belle! You are right, this is much more than a kids party. I'm not very close with my SIL. Simply a vent for those who felt the need to flame me. 

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  • ali-1411ali-1411 member

    imagebelle204:
    If she's disappointed, she's disappointed. Yeah, he has to work but it's not like she sprung it on him last minute and, again, it's good he didn't wait until last minute to reply. Sh*t. Let the girl feel what she feels. From the op regarding the already tense relationship I have a feeling this is deeper than whether he can come to some kiddie party.

    Sure.  But her original post did ask, Am I wrong?

    Yes.  She's wrong.  She can feel however she wants, but she should probably let it go because you can't expect people to take off work for a birthday party.

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  • meghans30meghans30 member
    imageali-1411:

    imagebelle204:
    If she's disappointed, she's disappointed. Yeah, he has to work but it's not like she sprung it on him last minute and, again, it's good he didn't wait until last minute to reply. Sh*t. Let the girl feel what she feels. From the op regarding the already tense relationship I have a feeling this is deeper than whether he can come to some kiddie party.

    Sure.  But her original post did ask, Am I wrong?

    Yes.  She's wrong.  She can feel however she wants, but she should probably let it go because you can't expect people to take off work for a birthday party.

    Yup, I'm letting it go. Much more important things to think about today. Sick kid! 

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  • GrowingFamilyGrowingFamily

    imagelittlemermaid:
    In my book, work trumps parties.  He needs to support himself and his family, if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid.  I can understand him not coming but why doesn't the kids come with his wife or do you and your sil not have a good relationship either?  I never expect family or friends to take a day off of work to come to a birthday party, bringing home a paycheck to pay the bills is much more important in my book.

    I agree.  I do completely understand being disappointed, though :(

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  • CTFandmeCTFandme
    doesn't anyone get paid days off anymore? 
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  • Tracy1011Tracy1011

    I think it's fine to be disappointed. Mad, no...but disappointed yes.

    If I were you, since you said you have a strained relationship but have been working on it, then I would be more disappointed that he said he couldn't come...period.  He has to work, that's fine, but why (if he knows you two are trying to better your relationship) didn't he say "I can't make it that day, but how about the next weekend (or day he has off) to meet up so the kids can play?"

    That's what would hurt me the most, is he just says no, and doesn't try to meet up another time.  I sort of feel you might be more hurt over the lack of trying to better your relationship on his part, and might feel it's more onesided, since you made the trip for a party recently.

    I'm sure you understand he has to work, but might feel slighted because he isn't trying as hard as you?

    Just a thought.  I hope things get better for you!

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  • meghans30meghans30 member
    imageTracy1011:

    I think it's fine to be disappointed. Mad, no...but disappointed yes.

    If I were you, since you said you have a strained relationship but have been working on it, then I would be more disappointed that he said he couldn't come...period.  He has to work, that's fine, but why (if he knows you two are trying to better your relationship) didn't he say "I can't make it that day, but how about the next weekend (or day he has off) to meet up so the kids can play?"

    That's what would hurt me the most, is he just says no, and doesn't try to meet up another time.  I sort of feel you might be more hurt over the lack of trying to better your relationship on his part, and might feel it's more onesided, since you made the trip for a party recently.

    I'm sure you understand he has to work, but might feel slighted because he isn't trying as hard as you?

    Just a thought.  I hope things get better for you!

    Yes, this is it. This is the way it always works. He says no and the next time we'll see him is at my niece's party - if we are invited - in July. He has come to 2 birthday parties - 1 for each of the boys - total in the five years I've had kids. His kids are my kids only cousins. 

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