Preemies
How can I tell the difference between...
1) actually wanting another child
and
2) wanting to experience all the things I feel cheated out of with DD?
I see my OB/GYN next week for my annual and plan to discuss pregnancy after unexplained pPROM with her. Aside from that, DH and I have decided to table the discussion for now. We went into our first pg with the "one and done" attitude so it's not like we decided that based on the circumstances of DD's birth.
I don't know...I feel like if maybe I could get past all the feelings that I've missed out on so many things, this wouldn't even be an issue...
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Re: How can I tell the difference between...
if you find out how to tell the difference.. let me know.
(sidenote: we wanted more than one to begin with... so we're pretty sure we're going to get another by pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption... someday.)
I was really jealous of women who had normal pregnancies and even those who were on bedrest at home. I wanted to be pregnant again just to experience what I missed out on, not necessarily to have another baby. Everything I wanted had to do with the pregnancy itself (register at BRU, wear maternity clothes, put the nursery together etc...) not actually caring for another baby. That's how I knew the difference.
BUT, I got pregnant again and things have definetly changed. This baby was 100% unplanned and I cried for a week after I found out I was pregnant. I was scared of what could happen. The good news is that I'm almost 32 weeks, no pPROM, no hospital bedrest (yay!). I've been on modified bedrest since 21 weeks, but I can deal with that. If you decide to have another baby, there is hope it can be much better then your 1st pregnancy.
I think I figured it out!
Does your family feel complete the size it is now? Does it feel like you need to add somebody to your family to make you as a group whole?
I realized a few weeks ago that our family feels complete, like we are a whole unit. I can't imagine bringing a stranger into our little home, it seems like it would be too much, just too many people. So I realized that we are done, though I would still love to experience a normal childbirth and all of the normal newborn things. But since our family is full it just isn't the right thing for us. Make sense?
This is by far the best way that I have heard it explained/analyzed.
DH and I thought long and hard about this one since I have been told more than once now that another pregnancy for me could be deadly. However, our family still doesn't seem complete. We had always pictured a house full of children and still do, so that's how we knew we weren't done. We will just be adding, hopefully, by adoption in couple of years.
Good luck!
I like the pp's observation!
I know we actually want another child because we wanted 3 before DS and our family doesn't feel "complete" yet. I can imagine more! Our experience with Andrew may limit our family size, but, we would like more ideally.
this is us exactly
I hope for at least one more so Kevin can be a big brother
I agree with Mrs. Destructo. We have 5, four from my previous marriage that he adopted and ours. I really thought I'd never feel "done". However, with that said I feel the same way as you described. It's defintely a finished feeling, I can't imagine another little personality in this colorful bunch!
But....our friends just had their second last Tuesday, all perfect, perfect pictures, everyone happy. I found myself very emotional looking at the photos thinking "Kevin missed this...." I felt envious and cheated. Our birth with Lennon was horrible, no smiles, just fearful tears all the way through then the month in the nicu. No wonder he doesn't want to try again. I just realized I was feeling sad/mourning what he'll never know. Just a normal birth.