would you be upset about your DH doing this?

ShuTree · February 2010

I go upstairs to get ready for bed. DH had been up here before me while I was watching TV after the kids were in bed. I come up to our computer desk and there is lubricant on the desk. He forgot to put it away. I searched history on the browser and he was a the fox sport HOOTERs site. https://microsite.foxsports.com/Hooters/

I guess it turned him on and he decided to go at it. I don't blame him, I have no boobs, a big ass and thighs, I am moody, tired, bitchy and pregnant. At least he's not cheating on me and guys do this right?? Right!? I can't help but to feel like *** compared to these beautiful women and realize that since I've been so bitchy lately I don't blame him for jerking off to these women. But it still pisses me off. I put the site as our home page site so next time he opens the browser...surprise Is that bitchy?

CanadianMama3 · February 2010

LOL I love that !! the homepage idea I have a friend who is dealing with a similar situation she is not pregnant so I am going to tell her to do this. She put a net spy to catch him and which she has but didnt know how to confront it , I dont really have advice but I know I would be pissed, Im not the jealous type usually but c'mon actually masturbating to it rather then just a glance or two ya know ? I would be pissed

Beabs · February 2010

I'd be upset about it. He should at least make a better attempt at hiding it. What guy doesn't know how to delete the history after something like that?

monimonimoni · February 2010

No, I wouldn't be upset at all. It's unlikely he did it to hurt you, he probably just had an urge. I know it's hard not to feel yuck sometimes with the changes going on, but don't put yourself down like that. It's the last thing anyone wants to hear coming from someone they love and it's not exactly conducive to a sexy interlude. Let me ask you a question, do you dismiss any compliments your DH makes about your body? Perhaps he's too worried about offending you or hurting you so thought he'd just have a sneaky one.

juangela · February 2010

That sort of thing has never bothered me, masturbation is normal and I would not be upset about something like that. If it bothers you, talk to your husband about it. You married him, I would hope that you'd be able to communicate your feelings about that with him.

I have honestly never understood why women have issues with this. I would much rather DH looked at some porn online and masturbated than went out and cheated on me. Men are visual creatures, and just because they find those women attractive doesn't mean they don't find their wives attractive, you can't tell me you've never found any man other than your husband attractive.

Then again, I've accompanied my husband to strip clubs and we've watched porn together, so perhaps I'm a bit more liberal than some.

nati215 · February 2010

Yes I would but then again if i was not giving him any maybe I would understand. As soon as I found out we were expecting I have not done anything with my DH bc like you was not in the mood...but of course he kept bugging me and I took care of him in other ways but not the baby making way bc I am scared as hell that it would hurt the baby or something crazy like I will start bleeding or something...but whatever.

toyah81 · February 2010

juangela:

That sort of thing has never bothered me, masturbation is normal and I would not be upset about something like that. If it bothers you, talk to your husband about it. You married him, I would hope that you'd be able to communicate your feelings about that with him.

I have honestly never understood why women have issues with this. I would much rather DH looked at some porn online and masturbated than went out and cheated on me. Men are visual creatures, and just because they find those women attractive doesn't mean they don't find their wives attractive, you can't tell me you've never found any man other than your husband attractive.

Then again, I've accompanied my husband to strip clubs and we've watched porn together, so perhaps I'm a bit more liberal than some.

hehehe. I actually want to have this same attitude about it, but it just somehow makes me feel like he's a perv. I don't know why. We've actually watched porn together too. I think it's just the fact that he's being sneaky about it or something, IDK.

hotbride111 · February 2010

I absolutely would not be upset. Masturbation is completely healthy and natural for a person of either gender. I have watched porn before and I would encourage my DH to watch it if he wants to.

KateySue · February 2010

OP: It seems like it did upset you and if it did, then my thoughts are to speak to him about it. Be open and honest about the way you feel (even if you feel like maybe it is silly to be upset because of your current sex life, or whatever). Setting the website to the home page, in my opinion, is a passive way of showing hurt and it can lead to a back and forth of hurt feelings that can get out of control before you have time to realize what's going on. If you are hurt or upset, talk about it.

As far as my thoughts on the images...my DH and I believe strongly against pornography and although the images on that site might not be completely nude, it is enough to cause a man's head to turn away from his wife, and his eyes to lust after something that he is not committed to. Now of course, this is just my opinion and to each his own but I think that no matter the opinion or feelings about this subject, open communication is key to a successful marriage.

happyhoopla · February 2010

I wouldn't be upset at all. Masturbation is normal and perfectly healthy. Being passive-aggressive, however, is not very healthy reaction. Just my opnion.

iheartstuart · February 2010

I wouldn't be upset at all. And I definitely wouldn't want him to hide it better like a PP suggested. Why would you want a marriage where your DH has to lie and hide things? It's normal. Guys do it. No need to rub it in to him or make him feel bad...

kg_08 · February 2010

Yes, I would be very upset. DH would never dare because he knows he would be in SOOO much trouble! Tell him it bothers you. Then ask if you're allowed to imagine your ex boyfriend next time you guys are having sex.

ilovetolaugh · February 2010

I*Heart*Stuart:
I wouldn't be upset at all. And I definitely wouldn't want him to hide it better like a PP suggested. Why would you want a marriage where your DH has to lie and hide things? It's normal. Guys do it. No need to rub it in to him or make him feel bad...

Yes

mamasmurf12 · February 2010

I'm with KateySue, DH and I are both strongly against porn as well. I know it's easy in our society to write it off as normal, but I think the evidence lies in the way seeing that affected you. Sad

I agree that you should talk to him about it and let him know how it hurts you.

IrishBrideND · February 2010

ilovetolaugh:

I*Heart*Stuart:
I wouldn't be upset at all. And I definitely wouldn't want him to hide it better like a PP suggested. Why would you want a marriage where your DH has to lie and hide things? It's normal. Guys do it. No need to rub it in to him or make him feel bad...

This, except its not just a guy thing. Guys AND girls do it.

If porn was not ok in your marriage, its something you should have discussed before you got married.

MrsPCallahan · February 2010

i would be upset but i would also understand. it's normal fo rhim to have the urge but also normal for you to feel somewhat insecure and betrayed. bottom line it's your dh having sexual experience with someone other than you even if it's a photo and not flesh and blood. but i do know men need that release and they are not as emotionally involved as women so it doesn't matter to them as much as it would us. it's not like they continue to think about those images afterwards. it's a mixture of feelings but you would probably do best to talk to him about your feelings anyway - communication is crucial right now. at least he didn't feel so secretive to be good at hiding it so maybe he didn't think it was a big deal.

treala05 · February 2010

juangela:

That sort of thing has never bothered me, masturbation is normal and I would not be upset about something like that. If it bothers you, talk to your husband about it. You married him, I would hope that you'd be able to communicate your feelings about that with him.

I have honestly never understood why women have issues with this. I would much rather DH looked at some porn online and masturbated than went out and cheated on me. Men are visual creatures, and just because they find those women attractive doesn't mean they don't find their wives attractive, you can't tell me you've never found any man other than your husband attractive.

Then again, I've accompanied my husband to strip clubs and we've watched porn together, so perhaps I'm a bit more liberal than some.

This exactly. Could have written this reply myself.

tmp-509854625003294 · February 2010

MrsPCallahan:
i would be upset but i would also understand. it's normal fo rhim to have the urge but also normal for you to feel somewhat insecure and betrayed. bottom line it's your dh having sexual experience with someone other than you even if it's a photo and not flesh and blood. but i do know men need that release and they are not as emotionally involved as women so it doesn't matter to them as much as it would us. it's not like they continue to think about those images afterwards. it's a mixture of feelings but you would probably do best to talk to him about your feelings anyway - communication is crucial right now. at least he didn't feel so secretive to be good at hiding it so maybe he didn't think it was a big deal.

I agree

HRMJPC · February 2010

I would be very angry and sad. However, I had a relationship prior to DH where my BF was addicted to internet porn and it made me feel so small. After that, I decided that porn was a dealbreaker for me. Then DH came along and he actually loves to spout that "Porn and strippers are degrading to MEN". I love that I found a man who will not lust after these women. I really feel blessed.

It seems like some women don't mind, but I do. Its natural to get sad about these things. Just talk to him about it. Nip it in the bud before it becomes an "issue".

marathonjunkie · February 2010

I wouldn't be upset, no.

But I think it's immature to set it as the home page instaed of talking to him about it like an adult (since it bothers you).

And btw, it's not porn.

dixee.deluxe · February 2010

marathonjunkie:
I wouldn't be upset, no.

But I think it's immature to set it as the home page instaed of talking to him about it like an adult (since it bothers you).

And btw, it's not porn.

It's advertising.

missesru · February 2010

I would feel upset, but I wouldn't act upset to him. I don't think that bringing it up to him is a good idea either. It would embarrass him for something that is totally natural.

I would be upset if DH was talking to other girls, or looking up girls he knows to talk to them for that purpose. Internet chat sites, dating sites, etc.... that would be out of line in my books.

Looking at pictures of random models and masturbating is not terrible in my mind. It doesn't change the fact that I would feel a little bit hurt and get a sick feeling in my stomach, but I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on it. They aren't "real" girls, and its not done in an attempt to hurt or cheat.

The browser thing is funny, but it is passive... and as I say, I think you're just setting up to embarrass or make him feel bad about something that he really shouldn't feel bad about. He should have done a better job of hiding it... but again, not the worst thing in the world.

I hope that helps.

nicole112709 · February 2010

ilovetolaugh:

I*Heart*Stuart:
I wouldn't be upset at all. And I definitely wouldn't want him to hide it better like a PP suggested. Why would you want a marriage where your DH has to lie and hide things? It's normal. Guys do it. No need to rub it in to him or make him feel bad...

or maybe you SHOULD "Rub it in to him" Maybe he'll quit looking at porn Devil

MamaNikita · February 2010

I fall on the liberal end of things too. i think the fact that he left the lube out might have just been a way of hinting to you that he's sexually frustrated without coming out and saying it. maybe he doesn't want to pressure you verbally but just was trying to drop hints. guys aren't that great at dropping hints, but they're pretty good at hiding things when they want to. he obviously didn't try very hard.

because of the pregnancy we're down to the once-a-week thing, which is far less frequent than pre-pregnancy, mainly just because weekends are the only time we can really relax and take our time to make sure everything is comfortable. if DH wants to satisfy himself when i'm not able to, that doesn't bother me in the slightest. because i know he's doing it himself and in our home and not with someone else. we watch porn together, so i even know what he's watching.

the key is definitely communicating, though. let him know you're feeling a little insecure about your body issues, but i really think he's just trying to let you know that he wants you and misses you by being so obvious about things.

bstrangely · February 2010

MamaNikita:
I fall on the liberal end of things too. i think the fact that he left the lube out might have just been a way of hinting to you that he's sexually frustrated without coming out and saying it. maybe he doesn't want to pressure you verbally but just was trying to drop hints. guys aren't that great at dropping hints, but they're pretty good at hiding things when they want to. he obviously didn't try very hard...
the key is definitely communicating, though. let him know you're feeling a little insecure about your body issues, but i really think he's just trying to let you know that he wants you and misses you by being so obvious about things.

i don't know about that... my husband and i are chatting about this thread and he pointed out that if it were him, and i set that page as the homepage, he wouldn't even immediately think i'd done that. he said he would probably just go, "oh sh!t! i left it up!!"

sometimes i think girls are so uh... passive aggressive, that they assume guys are the same way, when many just aren't. i doubt he left the lube out on purpose. and the significance of the homepage might be utterly lost on him too.

iheartstuart · February 2010

nicole112709:
ilovetolaugh:

I*Heart*Stuart:
I wouldn't be upset at all. And I definitely wouldn't want him to hide it better like a PP suggested. Why would you want a marriage where your DH has to lie and hide things? It's normal. Guys do it. No need to rub it in to him or make him feel bad...

or maybe you SHOULD "Rub it in to him" Maybe he'll quit looking at porn

HAHAHAHA!! Love it....just LOVE it

StefB28 · February 2010

I can understand why you are upset. Do you want to have sex more often? If so, I can certainly understand why you were felt like DH was choosing these images over you! I'm completely fine with my husband masturbating as often as he wants, as long as it's in addition to being with me, not instead of being with me.

KaylaJayne · February 2010

mamasmurf12:
I'm with KateySue, DH and I are both strongly against porn as well. I know it's easy in our society to write it off as normal, but I think the evidence lies in the way seeing that affected you. I agree that you should talk to him about it and let him know how it hurts you.

Ditto. I would be upset, too.

KatieC06 · February 2010

I'd say the vast majority of men (married or not) masturbate on a regular basis. That site was far from porn but he definitely could have done a better job of hiding it. Just think, it could have been much MUCH worse.

stork1 · February 2010

I wouldn't be upset, especially if I was moody and not crazy about my body right now. I usually look at it as he isn't bothering me about it and he isn't cheating. Everyone is happy. You can be upset if you wanted to have sex with him that night? Just my opinion.

huntington79 · February 2010

Yes, I would be upset. I think the homepage thing is funny - but agree with most ppl that it's a little passive-aggressive. And like most ppl have already said - communication is key. If it bothers you (which it obviously does), it's not good for you or your marriage.

This is a very sensitive subject and I know that everyone has different opinions - so this is simply mine.

I didn't look at the site, because I don't want anything close to porn anywhere near my computer. Sure, I'd much rather my husband masturbate than cheat on me, but that doesn't make the choice he made a good one. I don't applaud men for choosing the "lesser of two evils". Like one person said - he's looking for sexual satisfaction somewhere other than his wife, and that's just not healthy. And even if masturbation is a normal and healthy thing - men don't have to look at something to get turned on. If they get the urge (which I understand that they do frequently - without visual stimulation) - they can just masturbate. No porn or lusting after another woman needed.

chewychigozie · February 2010

KateySue:

OP: It seems like it did upset you and if it did, then my thoughts are to speak to him about it. Be open and honest about the way you feel (even if you feel like maybe it is silly to be upset because of your current sex life, or whatever). Setting the website to the home page, in my opinion, is a passive way of showing hurt and it can lead to a back and forth of hurt feelings that can get out of control before you have time to realize what's going on. If you are hurt or upset, talk about it.

As far as my thoughts on the images...my DH and I believe strongly against pornography and although the images on that site might not be completely nude, it is enough to cause a man's head to turn away from his wife, and his eyes to lust after something that he is not committed to. Now of course, this is just my opinion and to each his own but I think that no matter the opinion or feelings about this subject, open communication is key to a successful marriage.

I totally agree with this! My husband and i are also strongly against pornography too! And i have known my husband for 5 years. we share the same feelings about this type of issue. I think you should talk to your husband instead of trying to embarrass him of his actions. Its very wrong. Communication and trust is key to a successful and happy marriage. So talk it over with your Husband.

Want a personalized experience?

would you be upset about your DH doing this?

Re: would you be upset about your DH doing this?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards