LONG confession / vent / whine / plea for help inside

sistrkate · February 2010

I have a sleep mess of my own making but I am really paying for it now.

Tyler has been sleeping in his car seat since we brought him home as a newborn. We told this to the pedi at one of our first visits, and she said that was OK for a couple of months, it wouldn't hurt anything and if it got him to sleep, yippee.

Well, it worked like a charm for the longest time -- he started STTN at 4 weeks of age and he did it for 3 months. Along about mid January, when he turned 4 months old, he started waking up once during the night. The next week or so, he started waking multiple times. Now it's to the point that he's up every couple of hours and is a real bear to get down at night.

I've been trying to break him of this car seat habit. I bought a sleep positioner, thinking it would give him a similar feeling of "confinement" or closeness like his seat does without actually being in it. It doesn't work at all. He is still swaddled at night and seems to like that, but I'm wondering if I should try taking away the swaddle so he can make himself more comfortable -- but I don't want to make too many changes at once.

This is all compounded by the fact that he WILL NOT -- absolutely WILL NOT -- take a pacifier or a bottle, and will have NOTHING to do with DH comforting him. It's gotta be me, or he screams bloody murder. And he will keep up the screaming for 15 minutes or more even while DH is holding him, rocking him, singing to him, etc. It's all about mommy.

Like I said, I know I made this mess and I'm trying to clean it up.....but I am so tired, I don't know what to do anymore. I know he won't sleep in the car seat forever, but I am feeling really guilty about him being in it. Has anyone ever had this problem? Any ideas to help us? Please?

Signed,

weary sleepless guilt-ridden mother

cat81305 · February 2010

**HUGS** You should not feel guilty. DD will not calm for DH either but luckily she doesn't scream often. I personally would get him out of the carseat...a friend kept her son in it til he was like 10mths old and he would not roll over or anything b/c he never had that oppurtunity at night like most kids. He also did not scoot, go in circles or anything (not sure if Tyler does or not). I would keep him swaddled or try a half swaddle (arms only out?)and see how that works for him. Have you tried different bottles for him? I know if you go back to work he will have to have one. I am sorry that I don't have any suggestions for you :0( In the long run, you need to do what you need to do to get your sleep and keep some sanity! I feel for you and wish it was easier for you! I need suggestions on getting my 2 year old to go to bed and sleep thru the night, UGH!!! I will pray for you that things will get easier!!

Traycee1242 · February 2010

You poor thing!

First of all..stop feeling guitly... you've done what works for you... it's just changing now. I wouldn't call it a mess or blame yourself. You did what your child needed and he needed to sleep in his car seat. It's okay! Big Smile

Do you think it's possible the reason he probably started waking was the 4 month wakeful and now it could be teething?. Have you tried tylenol or motrin before bed??? (this was a simple solution to our multiple night waker!)

Has he slept in the crib at all? Naps? If not... I would start with putting the carseat in the crib for a few nights to get him used to it. I would also start de-swaddling... maybe swaddle him and leave 1 arm out... then the next night both arms and slowly wean him. Once he gets used to that then put him in the crib for awhile with no carseat.... after a couple minutes (if he's upset) then let him sleep in the carseat... and keep increasing the time spent in the crib w/out the carseat. Hopefully the slow wean will work.

As far as the Mommy attachment/preference... I'm right there with you. DS all but panics if I leave the room. He screams if DH tries to comfort him. It SUCKS! I have read that this is a phase so we are just going with it. I try to have DH come with me/sit by me when I comfort him so he sees Daddy is right there too. Hopefully that will help.... but it is very hard (not to mention exhausting) to be the only one who can comfort your child.

GL!!

allobosc · February 2010

Kinda ditto the pp...

My friends went through the exact same thing. They began by putting her in her carseat in the crib and then transitioned to just the crib.

Does he spend any other time in the crib? Like can you put him in it and fold clothes or something while still in his room with him? That might help him not be so scared at first.

teacherjess · February 2010

I hope Kel comes in to respond to this, because if I remember right, her DS slept in the carseat for awhile. You have to do what you have to do to get sleep, you know? You went with what worked at the time, but doesn't it seem like JUST when you get them figured out, they change?!

Don't feel guilty or feel like you've made this situation what it is. There is always time for change with sleep patterns, it just takes time and patience (a lot of time and patience, unfortunately) to see what works. I would keep trying to find sleeping positions that may suit him better if the carseat is no longer working-- you may need to just keep trying until you find something he is okay with.

As far as the comforting thing, I remember that stage and it can be really trying. I am thinking Tyler is probably associating you with comfort because you are the one nursing him (and you're nursing him, I'm assuming, before bed, so maybe there is a connection there in his mind). I know it's probably really hard with Justin still needing someone, but is there any way your DH could participate in Tyler's nighttime routine? Maybe he could be there while you're nursing Tyler before bed and when you're putting him down, or maybe once or twice a week he could feed Tyler a bottle of BM before bed so that Tyler associates him with that "before-bed" time? I always fed Leah before bed and it seemed like once DH started feeding her before bed instead, she was much more comfortable with him being the one to go in and comfort her at night instead of always me.

Even if none of this helps, hang in there-- he won't sleep in a carseat forever!

Moesten · February 2010

That's tough Sisterkate! Hopefully Kel will jump in here. She had the same issue with her DS - he was sleeping in his car seat for a long time (6 months or so?) and they had a tough time transitioning him. Maybe she can share her experience with you.

Don't worry - he won't go off to Kindergarten still sleeping in his car seat!

RXjenna · February 2010

I wish I had more advice for you. Sounds like the other girls gave you rsome good tips. Just wanted to give ((HUGS))! You're a great mommy!

JLPT830 · February 2010

Hang in there Katie....you are a great mommy and I ditto what everyone has already said. I know this won't necessarily help the car seat issue, but have you tried a noise machine? We found that DS was soothed by the sound of the dishwasher or the vent fan in the bathroom early on and so we decided to try a little white noise. It made transitioning from his bouncy seat to his bassinet a little easier. We use (and still do!!) the homedics one. Sometimes I like to fall asleep to the sound of the ocean too! :-) What if you slept with a blanket so it got your scent and then DH used the blanket whenever trying to soothe Tyler???

suprchicy · February 2010

I can't help much with the carseat issue, but DD had a really hard time with DH for a while. I would go to run errands and DH would call with her screaming bloody murder in the background and he'd be at his wits end. I could pick her up and she'd be fine in 5 minutes. Finally I think it just took letting DH alone with her and they both eventually settled in together. I told DH all our tricks (rocking, walking, the hair dryer), and finally they both just settled in one day with the hair dryer after about 30 minutes of screaming and it's all been good since. I think it just took one day of DH getting her settled on his own for her to kind of say "huh, ok, guess he's not so bad". It also helped him be more confident with her which I think also helped. I also like the idea of him having something with your scent on it. It might help calm him down enough to help your DH get him settled.

kel716 · February 2010

Katie, hang in there. It has to get better! I honestly think his sleep issues are Tyler's way of telling you he's not comfortable anymore.

I'm amazed at your memories!! Yes, Brandon slept in his carseat until he was 6 mos old. Then he figured out how to escape... he wasn't swaddled (he HATED that from day 1), and it caused all sorts of stress for dh and I. Add to that the stupid Storkcraft crib issues, and I think I was a worry wart for a few weeks. Anyway, here's what we did...

We had done the carseat in the crib thing from 3 mos-4 mos. Then the crib was recalled & B was in a wakeful period. We moved the carseat to our room and that seemed to do the trick and that got us through the wakeful stage. We put his seat back in his room once he was STTN again. DH one day found him rolling on the floor and not in his carseat when he woke up from a nap. He did it again the next morning when he got up from STTN. Basically he rocked the carseat back and forth until the bottom touched the ground and scooted himself out. Fairly impressive! But not so cute. All of this started on a Thursday.

So we tried a few things... carseat in the crib. He still escaped. Carseat in the PNP. Still escaped. While he never escaped the PNP or the crib, we were nervous that he would wind up getting injured. I had bought an incline for under his crib from OUAC to try to get him to sleep in his crib reclined and not flat. He did have a mild-moderate case of acid reflux. I had tried it several months prior (maybe 2.5 mos?) and all he did was use it as a slide in his crib.

So by Sunday myelf and DH were exhausted. I had multiple posts on here about what to do because I was at a loss. If he didn't want to sleep, he'd escape. It got to be 6:30 pm and B hadn't napped yet that day. He was a fuss butt, so I put the incline in his crib, laid him in there, and low and behold he fell asleep. He woke up from that nap, and dh and I thought "alright, we'll ease him into this crib thing." We tried putting him in the carseat. He REFUSED! We laid him in the crib that night and the rest is history.

So, the moral of all this if you read my novel is maybe try an incline in his crib so he gets that reclined feeling? You don't have to actually buy an incline; you can just fold a bath towel and put it under one side of the mattress. The other thing I found out at this point is I had a stomach sleeper on my hands. At this point, Brandon was rolling and as soon as you put him in the crib, he rolled onto his tummy to sleep at nighit. Since he had good neck control and was rolling, pedi (as well as dh and I) were fine with it.

Something else to consider is that until about 8-9 mos, B was a terrible napper. We always followed his cues, but we would never know when he was going to nap. It worked better for our schedules (which vary daily) for us to follow his cues rather than schedule him. Now, B consistently naps for 1.5-2.5 hrs/day. Add to that time in the crib to settle down and time to wake up and you have 2.5-3 hrs each day. I wish you lots of luck and hope he gets out of the mommy stage soon for your sanity!

kel716 · February 2010

Katie,

I went and found my old carseat posts. Here's the links:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11302594.aspx

And the next one:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11323936.aspx

And another:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11337989.aspx

And another:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11381119.aspx

And the last one:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/11383216.aspx

And all of these were a week before B turned 6 weeks. Can you see how stressed I was?? I hope that gives you some ideas!

MelissaMc22 · February 2010

Katie,

I am so sorry. Although we don't have the carseat issue, we have had our share of non sleeping problems. Right now S is waking 2-3 times a night, which sucks- but at least he is sleeping well when asleep, goes down easily for both of us (he used to scream with DH also!) and goes back to sleep after his wakeups. I am at least thankful for those things!

Here is my advice, and it may be controversial- but consider putting him on his belly. AFter night of night of Sawyer busting out of his swaddle, whining endlessly, and just seeming generally uncomfortable- we rolled him over and BAM- out like a light! For some reason the belly sleeping helps him settle easier and stay asleep longer. Also, he doesn't need me to nurse him, which means DH can help. Heaven!

I also think time has helped, I notice small changes everyday. Hang in there, you are not alone!!

Hugs!

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