vent... (but, am i wrong??)
My mother calls me yesterday and tells me that my grandmother wants to know if I can lend my cousin's fiancee the mantilla we used at our wedding. Mind you, the mantilla we used, my grandmother made for us. We had a Catholic ceremony and this mantilla was a part of the ceremony that was important to me and DH. The tradition of it, the symbolism, it was what we wanted.
My grandmother wanted me to lend my cousin's fiancee the mantilla because their wedding is outside on the beach and she is going to be cold. I said no. 1) this mantilla means a lot to me. My grandmother made it for me and it's very special. 2) I didn't use it in my wedding to cover my shoulders or as just a shawl. It was a very personal and special moment it was used for. 3) uhm, you planned a wedding in February on the beach and you bought a $2000 strapless dress and didn't think to get some sort of cover up???
My mom and dad and grandmother are upset at me b/c I don't want to lend it to her (oh, did I mention the wedding is outdoors and everyone will be eating an all you can eat buffet from Shorty's bbq? not exactly the cleanest option. I don't want bbq sauce on our mantilla, either.) And how come my sister hasn't been asked, either? Ugh. I'm just irritated.
Do I suck it up and lend it to her?? Oh, and SHE hasn't even called to ask me... neither has my grandmother (who, btw, was altering and hemming her wedding dress, I guess that's why she's been involved in the whole wardrobe thing.) I feel that if it were that important to borrow mine, she should call me... or at least have my cousin call me, you know?
Is this understandable? or am I overreacting?
Re: vent... (but, am i wrong??)
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
You're not overeacting. I would have said no, too. Especially since you have two daughters that might want to use a BBQ stain-free mantilla at their weddings someday. It's not a wardrobe piece, it's symbolic and meaningful to you, and I wouldn't want to lend it to anyone either.
ditto Leanna. hehee
Seriously, tell them that it has a lot of sentimental value to you and you would prefer it remain in your possession for your daughters. Then offer her your white cardigan sweater instead.
Jason & Patricia 5/28/06
and now i'm getting this "guilt trip" that my grandmother is going to go out and spend $100 to make a lace shawl. Uhmm.... ok 1) why??? have the bride f*king go out and buy a f*king cardigan from forever 21 and 2) how is that my problem if my grandmother is going to buy a 100 worth of fabric?
ugh. whatever.
You have every right to be cranky - you're very pregnant.
Is the cousin a granddaughter also? if so, your grandmother should make her one too if she made one for you. This is not your problem. Stand your ground. If your grandmother WANTS to go out and spend $100 then she should have. However, this seems poor planning on the part of the bride to wait until 3 days before the outdoor wedding in February to realize she might need a cover up. Not your problem.
no, my cousin is the groom. she's from up north (nebraska) and you'd think that someone planning a wedding in February would "get" that it would be cold, right??? It's notn like she's from Hawaii or somewhere in the Caribbean where it wouldn't get cold and she didn't realize that the weather gets colder in Feb... she's from freaking Nebraska, for godsake. dude. that's the reason they chose Feb on the beach!! Bc they knew it wouldn't be cold!!
exactly, rach. i want to pass this on to my girls. It's like Abby's baptism gown... I wanted that for Abby and Sarah... and if my sister ever has a daughter, I will offer it to her (she bought it for A's baptism.) But I want it kept in my family, immediate only. It's why I didn't offer it to SIL... I want it to be used by immediate familiy AND by people who will "get" the religious significance and meaning, as well. Not just becasue it's a pretty shawl/dress.
In her defense , it isn't usually cold in February here, thelast weekend of February is actually the most popular wedding weekend in south Florida because the weather is usually beautiful! I got married outdoors and wasn't cold at all.
Anyway, can you just say it's stored somewhere and you have no idea where ( in some box somewhere) and there is no guarantee that you will be able to find it? That way it seems you wanted to help but really couldnt?
I don't think you're overreacting. My response would have been something between a "ni pinga" and a " HELL no"
Grandma things mean a lot to me and the only person who would ever touch anything my grandma made me is my daughter. Period. End of discussion. You don't like it? too effin bad
Thank you, have a nice day!
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this ALL the way!! aside from the fact that she rubbed me the wrong way, giving me death stares and a snubbed nose, I think it's insane that you're being asked to give your mantilla and allow it to be used as a shawl! it isn't a shawl. I could see if you had a shawl and she wanted to borrow that but 1. she hasn't even asked you and 2. it isn't an article of clothing. lastly, if she spent 2 grand on a dress, she can for sure find some place to buy a little jacket.
you're too nice, or I'm far to much of a b*tc* because if I were 9 months pregnant and this happened to me, I would have told everyone they were out of their minds and a ton of other un-board friendly words.
) and damn, I had a good day today, so that's my opinion when I'm UNcranky. LOL
You are 100% right! If you don't want to lend it out, that is up to you. Let her get her own!
And I'm lol'ing at the all you can eat Shorty's BBQ buffet!! Ay yi yi...
This!
I think you are overreacting. I haven't read past the OP, so I don't know if there is more to the story, but you asked, and I answered.
Tania
Tania, did you use your mom's mantilla as a mantilla?
UMMMM, this. WTF? It's your freaking handmade mantilla that you used at your wedding. That's such a special, symbolic thing. It's not a pretty fashion statement or something used to stay warm. It was part of a religious ceremony. No way. It's crazy that they would even think to ask. Tell her to go buy a pretty $10 pashmina at the Mart.