- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
The only response I'm looking for is "you're right" (long)
Normally when I post I'm looking for honest feedback that can either help me make a choice or make me call the doctor. Well throw that crap out the window. I want to be told I'm totally right, and that any other choice would be crazy! So here we go -
I made the choice very early that I only wanted DH and I in the delivery room. My family is out of town and coming a few days after the baby is born but MIL is setting up camp and coming down 2 weeks before to make sure she is here when it happens. I'm fine with that, not crazy about it but she's in her 70's and this would be her 1st grandchild and I can deal with company for a couple weeks before the baby comes (and she's also staying for about 6 weeks after) Agian, not crazy about it but I can deal becuase I love DH and I understand how important this is to her. She lives up north and we're in FL, so I can deal.
We don't have a great relationship, it's awkward and I'm constantly fending off lots of digs and lots of comments like, I never got stretch marks, I've never had heart burn, I only gained 20lbs, I lost all my weight in 10 day... stuff that doesn't make me feel that great. It was 45 years ago...and this is not a competition, but things like that still bother me.
Anyway, this is our first child and I have alot of nerves about delivery and labor. All I want is my AWESOME dh there with me. He is really amazing, I am so blessed. When she gets here next week we're breaking the news to her that, no you won't be cutting the cord, you won't be in the room. I feel like I'm dying of guilt. Like I'm robbing her of something. DH says things like - I'll support whatever you decide and it's your moment, your day whatever you think is best, I have your back no matter what. Secretly I just need him to say "You are 100% right, it should just be us and don't feel guilty for even a second" so since he's not saying that... I'd love to hear it from all of you! Please take this guilt away from me!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The only response I'm looking for is "you're right" (long)
You are 100% right. I am in your corner girl!!!!
Go away you crazy insane guilt - there is no room for you here.
Why would you feel guilty!!! Don't at all, I mean if she actually thinks she would be able to cut the cord she is on crack. lol. My mom and mil will be in the waiting room and they understand that after LO is born they need to give the "new" family some time of their own. She needs to remember that this isnt her baby and whatever decisions you two make she needs to respect it. Sorry you came in from out of town but there will be plenty of time after the baby is born for you to see.
I have a monster MIL so we have set the ground rules already. Wow can you tell this is a hot topic in my book.
So glad to see you have slipped gracefully into your big mamma pants! Way to go! YOU ARE 100% RIGHT! studies have shown that women who are comfortable with the people present during their births....have easier more successful labors.
I am preparing to have to do a little battling with my mother about when she will be around for my home birth. Not looking forward to it. But I know that the mind and body are connected....and birth is challenging enough. We dont need the psychological stop and go that will come from anxiety over who is present. Way to go for taking a stand and I am so glad your husband is so supportive. GL!
This!! Don't feel guilty. She can wait in the waiting room!! You are totally right!
You are 100% right and here's the kicker: that's the TRUTH.
OMG a MIL cutting the cord, wtf
DON'T FEEL GUILTY!
AT ALL!
I seriously don't get this "I feel guilty" sh*t I read so much on the bump around labor when it is your body, your baby, your process... everyone else can just. f*cking. deal.with.it.
My mum offered to be here during my labor, and although I didn't say what I was thinking ("oh hell no!"), I did thank her for the offer and tell her that although I don't know who I will be in labor (this is my first), I can't be a daughter, I can't be in that role during labor.
GL and be strong.
You're right! There's NO WAY I would let my MIL in the room when I was in labor, this is such a special and private event and you should be able to choose who you want and don't want in the delivery room with you.
This, exactly!
You are WAY more accomodating than I would ever be; my MIL is coming for 4 days the week after the baby born and I told DH there is no way she is staying with us. Your MIL should be glad you are letting her stay with you as long as you are. It's your labor, you get to decide who is there. Just make sure DH backs you up.
Earthyaky:
"I don't know who I will be in labor (this is my first), I can't be a daughter, I can't be in that role during labor."
What a great point!!! If you don't mind, I think I will use this one myself! Very smart girl!
I opened this post prepared to lie to you and tell you you're right, but I don't have to.
YOU ARE 100% RIGHT! DO NOT FEEL BAD. SORRY FOR YELLING!!
Haha. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with only wanting your dh there. If you still feel guilty, tell her she can be the first one, aside from you and dh to see/hold the baby- something to appease her a bit, but don't you dare feel compelled to have your MIL watch you give birth...I have a great relationship with my MIL, and she waited nicely outside the delivery room, lol. Good luck with this.
Thank you so much. It seems silly to think that just hearing from all of you could make me feel better but it does. You want to think your strong enough to get yourself to the right place with something... but sometimes you just need to hear it from others. Thank you!
I still can't get over your MIL staying with you for 8 wks. I would go NUTS.
You are right, it is your day, she doesn't need to be in the room.
You are 100% right. The last thing you need is your MIL to stress you out during labor - it could actually STALL your labor!!
We are not even going to tell MIL when I go into labor for fear she'll show up.
You are right.
She is understandably excited and interested in the whole event. But it is entirely acceptable for her to wait outside as long as you want. She doesn't have any "right" to be present at the birth.
You feel guilty because you are empathizing with her possible sadness over not getting to see the "big show". How about starting to empathize with yourself - realize that this is a huge event in your life and you should have it with only you and your DH. It's a bonding time for your brand new family unit.
Yes, Grandma is part of the family. But since she wasn't there when the baby was made, she has no right to be there when the baby comes out!
Thanks kerianne, and help yourself!
This!
This! This! This!