How much does DH help out?

Savara07 · February 2010

My DH will do anything and everything for D. He watches him by himself 2 days a week and helps out with everything else during the week. However, I was just talkig to my coworker with an 8 month old and she said that was not the norm. Her husband won't even help out with bath time and needs prodding to change diapers. How much does your DH do? I'm curious to see what the norm is.

MrsAmyB · February 2010

IMO it depends on the roles in the family. My DH gets up at 3 am for work, so there is no way I'm going to ask him to get up with a baby in the middle of the night. And if I did, he'd have to get into his wheelchair and maneuver throught the whole house to her room. DH does pick her up from one of her two daycares and plays with her until I get home, then Meg and I make dinner together, we all eat and then Meg and I play. They are both in bed by 8, so since he is getting ready for bed, I do the bedtime routine with her. Meg takes a bath/shower with me (always has), so he doesn't need to help there. DH would change a diaper if I wasn't home, but since his left hand doesn't work, it wasn't feasible for him to do the majority of the diaper changing.

I'm assuming he will take on more roles with Meg when the triplets come.

tfarabians · February 2010

I'm lucky dh helps out a lot maybe not the way I would do it but he never tells me no he won't do something. I do have quite a few friends though that they can't even leave dh with both kids now that they have 2. I have already told dh that won't fly with me!

Jas*sGirl · February 2010

Jas is currently a stay at home dad and is rocking at it!! When I get home Ads and I play while DH cooks....its his thing, he loves to cook.....then we eat as a family and I do bathtime routine while he gets some much needed down time.

chibipoe · February 2010

I'm in the same camp with you. DH does a lot around the house, I often refer to him as my house husband because he does so much more than I do and he's super involved with DD (gets her dressed and does her hair, does her bath, most of her food comes off of his plate, takes her to the ILs most days). It's the norm in out house so it always surprises me when I hear about how un-involved some husbands are.

preston18 · February 2010

He doesn?t ?help? at all. N is his son and our house is his home as much as they are mine. Anything that needs to be done, gets done. We both have our areas that we take care of because we?re better at it or to keep the load level, but he will not allow the laundry to sit nor will I refuse to take out the trash.

I will refuse to mow the lawn, but that?s because the mower scares me. Our neighbor?s son will mow for $25 if need be. Writing a check is me getting it done.

We both full time. If I SAH, the house would be my job and I would expect to do more and him less.

KameronLee98 · February 2010

DH helps alot around with Blake. He has been a natural since day 1 I have never really had to bug him for help at all.

jcyahne · February 2010

My DH helps out a ton with Jillian. He is unemployed, making him a SAHD right now. He takes care of the whole wake-up and breakfast routine. 2-3 days a week his mom will watch her for a bit so that he can work on his various projects (from house renovations to cars). He also is responsible for all lawn mowing. He doesn't do too much in the way of housework, but I've been on him to change that because it is a lot of work for me to clean the whole house every weekend only to have him and Jillian mess it up during the day. In the evenings and weekends, I probably take the lead more than him but he helps out a lot. Every Wednesday night, I get a break to go to my knitting group for a couple hours. During my maternity leave I'd take all baby wake-ups, but when I was working again but he wasn't he'd usually take care of them.

For the most part I think we work together well as long as I speak up when I get frustrated. I do also have to accept that the way I do things is not always the way Jeramy would do things. But in the end, it gets the job done and Jillian is very happy.

blueLu25 · February 2010

Jas*sGirl:
Jas is currently a stay at home dad and is rocking at it!! When I get home Ads and I play while DH cooks....its his thing, he loves to cook.....then we eat as a family and I do bathtime routine while he gets some much needed down time.

This is our exact routine, but with the opposite parent DH really does a lot, especially considering he is also going to school and working full time. Just like Stacy said, he would never say no to anything I ask him to do with DS. I do wish he would help more with household chores tho, being pg and all. But I never bring it up, so he probably has no idea I even am thinking that.

BabyMamma55 · February 2010

around the house DH is great, thanks to the military he likes to have a spottless house!

as far as things go with the baby... not at all. He still has yet to change her diaper becasue it "grosses him out" and he even gets mad at me if i ask him to play with her or hold her while i cook dinner. Its really frustrating... but if i tell him that i'd like help with her sometimes he just gets mad

AnnetteWalker · February 2010

My DH does SO much. He does every morning from DS's waking up till daycare drop off. I make the lunches but he does everything else. He also has to do the daycare pick up most days. He usually stays home with DS if he is sick. He also does a lot of house cleaning. His job is much more flexable than mine. And he works much closer to home than me so he has virtually no commute time.

Nancy_Drew · February 2010

DH does an amazing job! He has always been very involved. Right now, him and A are inseperable. I do have to prod him to change a diaper if I'm home (I notice it first) but that's just because, with R, I mostly take care of him while he is still unmobile and nursing, while DH tends to A.

Plus the fact that I travel quite alot for work, he has been required to take a more active role. I do my share to help while I'm gone in that I lay out their clothes for the week, assemble non-pershible lunch stuff etc, leave lists of waht to eat and when (baby food)

He really enjoys his time with his kids and it's important to him to take an active roll. He has always put A to bed and that is his favorite time of the day, their bedtime routine.

StellaZ · February 2010

Our basic rule is DH handles everything on the ground, and I do the rest!

DH: mows, vacuums, mops, picks up dog poop, trash
ME: Cooking, bathrooms, grocery shopping, (exception to rule: I garden b/c I like to!)
SHARE: dishes and laundry (each do our own, I do baby's). For baby, I admit it's still mostly me - but he is getting more and more comfortable every day. I go to bed earlier so he takes the 1st night wake-up and I do the early am one.

I try really hard never to nag or make "honey do-lists" and let him figure out what needs to be done. It might not be WHEN I want but it usually gets done. When I leave him alone I swear he does MORE work than if I ever asked. It's funny. Sometimes I leave for hours on purpose and I come home to so much done! We both work FT and I make 2x as much $$ so there is no reason it shouldn't be 50/50.

Our basic rule is DH handles everything on the ground, and I do the rest! ...Hey, I guess that means when DS is a crawler I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, LOL

MrsEditorJax · February 2010

My DH is a rockstar. He gets up with Collin when he wakes up at 5 a.m. and gets him back to sleep, and he also takes him when he gets up for work -- around 10 or 11 -- and gets him a bottle and plays with him so I can sleep an extra hour. He watches him when I need to go somewhere without a complaint (I think he prefers dealing with poo over dealing with Costco) and he does baths every other night. And he plays with him a ton. It's really nice, because it helps me balance the other stuff I have going, i.e. trying to cook dinner or cleaning.

martini-time · February 2010

Our baby isn't here yet, but when he comes I know DH will be wonderful. He's so excited to have a child, and I know he'll participate as much as possible. He works from home most days, which will really come in handy and keep LO out of daycare for the most part. We've had so many talks about how parenting is a role for both Mom and Dad. Hey, it took 2 to make this baby, right? Stick out tongue

As of right now, he's pretty good about doing his share of the housework as well. We each have our areas of "expertise" and it works out pretty well. He cleans the kitchen, takes out the trash, and cleans the floors. I clean the bathroom (thankfully he's not the floor peeing type!) and do the laundry and most of the cooking. It works out to be pretty even most of the time, and he's totally cool about helping out more if I ask him to.

keri1013 · February 2010

I agree with Stacy that I don't think of it as him "helping" any more than he's "babysitting" when he's with DS. Smile

That being said, I do more of the house stuff simply because I am home more. Between long work hours and a long commute, DH is out of the house for about 13 hours on a good day, and I work part-time, so I do more cooking, cleaning, etc. But, DH does the majority of the dishes and on the weekends it's pretty even as far as cleaning, he usually does the bathrooms and I'll vacuum, that kind of thing. And when he's home he'll kind of take the lead with Max, doing most of the diaper changes, putting him down for naps or bedtime, staying with him on weekends while I go out and about.

kimberly.kent · February 2010

DH and I try to look at everything as a team. I SAH but we tag team the night shift. I do all of the early night stuff and since Carter is now STTN most of the time, he is up when DH is up getting ready for work. So DH will change him and bring him into me to nurse a bit.

Housework we split pretty equally. He does the pet stuff, dishes and outdoor stuff. I do cooking, laundry, and general cleaning. We both do bathrooms. DH comes home and the first thing he wants is Carter. He tries to spend as much time with Carter as possible and I send him pictures throughout the day to keep him smiling. DH has said that he never thought he'd want to be a father but just about a week ago he told me that he loves being a daddy.

breebree13 · February 2010

My DH helps out as much as he can but our situation is a little different. DH has some partial paralysis and limited range of motion. He can really only pick up Connor by his clothes or in a bear hug and when he was smaller he would only hold C if he was placed in his arms while sitting. He's never changed a diaper. Sometimes in challenging because I want to go do something and DH can't stay home with C by himself for to long. Alone time usually happens when C is asleep. DH does anything and everything I ask of him that he is physically able to do.

MsGirl1 · February 2010

My DH will do things but I have to ask him to do it most of the time. On the rare occasion that he actually does something around the house unprompted, I am shocked.

He works full time and doesn't get home until after 6 most nights. Therefore, most of the work with the kids is on me. This has caused a lot of stress on our relationship and we are trying to work through it.

Don't get me wrong, he is great with the boys. It just seems that all his time is "fun" time and I feel like I'm always the one doing all the work.

llking_2984 · February 2010

I agree it depends on the roles in the house. DH is a real clean freak so he does a lot of the basic house cleaning like doing laundry, vacuuming, dishes. Where as I fold the laundry, cook (DH is horrible) and also help with dishes. DH is home a lot of the time Ryder and DD because he works nights usually and doesn't get off til 11pm, so I usually get up in the middle of the night with Ryder especially since I am holding onto that one BF at night. DH does help out with other things with the older kids and Ryder when needed. He isnt' afraid of changing diapers, he plays with him, but bath time is something I do. I would have to say just looking at it we are pretty even in what we do, although being a Mom, you often have the children coming to you when they need stuff instead of going to Dad...Why is that?

I will say the only thing that bothers me is when DH is with all 4 he does get a little "freaked out" when they kids act up or become a handful. I think that is a guy thing because he isn't a very good multitasker and handling all 4 I will even say is a handful. The thing I have noticed though is it usually isn't Ryder who makes having all 4 difficult it's the other 3 not getting along with each other.

CDMay2006 · February 2010

I'm not there yet, obviously, but just the fact that it is typical to talk about the father's role in parenting as "helping out" offers a clue.

StellaZ · February 2010

BabyMamma55:
as far as things go with the baby... not at all. He still has yet to change her diaper becasue it "grosses him out" and he even gets mad at me if i ask him to play with her or hold her while i cook dinner. Its really frustrating... but if i tell him that i'd like help with her sometimes he just gets mad

Oh honey, that's tough. At 4 months he should really be more comfortable with her than that. Your DD needs that one-on-one bonding time. My DH had ZERO kid experience until DS was born, so I admit I did only leave them alone when DS was in a GOOD mood for the first few months - so it was a positive experience for them both. But now, with all the smiles and giggles, he knows it's not always fun, but worth it being hands-on. They are really close now, it's sweet.

JRS72206 · February 2010

My DH helps a TON. He does bath and books every single night, plays with her, feeds her dinner most nights (to be fair this is when I'm usually working), takes her all night when I go out with friends (couple times a month), watches her all weekend while I'm out at shoots. This how we've always been at I wouldn't allow it to be any other way. She's OUR baby and both our responsibility.

iheartstuart · February 2010

My DH helps out a lot. I'm definitely lucky. When he gets home he spends time with dd and feeds her, changes her, etc. He does most of the bath times, reads to her.

IdahoGirl · February 2010

preston18:

He doesn?t ?help? at all. N is his son and our house is his home as much as they are mine. Anything that needs to be done, gets done. We both have our areas that we take care of because we?re better at it or to keep the load level, but he will not allow the laundry to sit nor will I refuse to take out the trash.

I will refuse to mow the lawn, but that?s because the mower scares me. Our neighbor?s son will mow for $25 if need be. Writing a check is me getting it done.

We both full time. If I SAH, the house would be my job and I would expect to do more and him less.

This.

indigo91804 · February 2010

My DH and I do it all. The only thing that is "his" is paying the bills, things that require tools, and mowing the lawn. My only thing is grocery shopping, kid shopping and making sure they have all they need for clothing and school and such and the family calendar. Other than that we both do it. Sat. or Sun. is family cleaning day (vacuuming, bathroom scrubbing, toy cleaning, laundry, and whatever else needs doing). I usually make a list of item that need to get done this week and DH and I just pick them off as we go. Bath night is every other night and who ever is here does it.

When the boys were babies we both did everything. I worked Sat. and Sun. for a long time and DH worked 4 tens to keep down daycare costs. He was a full time participant from the start.

Alli923 · February 2010

We both take care of our household. I totally agree with Preston, he doesn't "help," he lives here too, Lucy is his baby too, the animals are his too. We share all of the responsibilities of our life together.

The only established chores we have (and we agreed on these more than 7 yrs. ago and they' always stuck) are that he takes out the trash/recycle/compost and I clean the bathrooms and pay bills (however we budget together and are always on the same page with finances). Otherwise, we do almost everything together and if one of us can't (like now that I'm recovering from my c-section) the other picks up the slack.

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