NTTCALR - DH Advice Needed

Jenny102783 · February 2010

So, I feel like DH and I are in a little rut. We got into an argument last weekend and there has been a little tension every since. Usually, I get over things super fast but this argument took me several days. We decided that we needed to go out to dinner on Wednesday night to help clear the air. It was nice but I don't know...I was really tired and DH talked about the Olympics for most of the dinner. I started spotting and my temped dropped so I am out this cycle so I am a little bummed about that, too. I feel like I wake up p!ssed off or become p!ssed off shortly there after every morning for the past week. I also feel like I have been starting stupid arguments when I normally wouldn't. Ugh. Any advice?

californiastars · February 2010

I don't know how bad things really are but have you thought about counseling? It could be good to go in individually and then together. Having a third party can help sometimes.

If you aren't to that point, maybe something to help you relax that you can do together. A couples massage or something.

jdoman · February 2010

Well, I know I always get that like before AF...especially now that we are TTC, and on top of regular PMS symptoms, I have the added disappointment of not being pg. My DH has figured out to 1) Treat me with kid gloves during that week and 2) Not respond when I try to pick fights with him. (Which makes me madder at the time, but is probably the best thing).

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is never easy. ((HUGS))

rjl07 · February 2010

I'm sorry. I don't know if I really have any good advice, but TTC is so stressful and it really takes the fun out of your normal sex life too. It's so hard because we are so focused on it and the guys don't usually have too much input. I would just try to find some quality time where you don't have to talk about TTC or work or any other stressful things and just relax.

Maybe we should set up our DH's on their own little date since mine can talk about the Olympics nonstop too!

pepomntpat · February 2010

If you feel like you are starting arguments (I do this) bite your tongue and count to 10 or 100 or whatever and think about the importance of what you are saying. Sometimes I do a quick yoga stretch, or check my e-mail,.or make my dog do tricks.

Also, what would put you in a good mood in the morning? DH usually makes me coffee in the AM. It's hard to get mad at him when he brings a steaming cup of coffee to me in bed and it's easy for him to do.

simbajsp · February 2010

I'm not sure I can offer any advice, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now. DH and I went through this for a period, and I realized it was mostly due to me being angry about the m/c and not feeling like DH gave me as much support as I felt I should have gotten from him. I am not sure if this is what is going on with you, but I hope you are able to work it out. I hope with time things get better. ((HUGS)).

Jenny102783 · February 2010

californiastars:

I don't know how bad things really are but have you thought about counseling? It could be good to go in individually and then together. Having a third party can help sometimes.

If you aren't to that point, maybe something to help you relax that you can do together. A couples massage or something.

No, it isn't bad at all. It has really just been this past week. I guess mostly, I feel like I have been an evil b!tch for the past several days. I have been p!ssy and easily annoyed. Maybe it was all just PMS but since I was convinced I was KU, I didn't link it. Ha.

Jenny102783 · February 2010

jdoman:

Well, I know I always get that like before AF...especially now that we are TTC, and on top of regular PMS symptoms, I have the added disappointment of not being pg. My DH has figured out to 1) Treat me with kid gloves during that week and 2) Not respond when I try to pick fights with him. (Which makes me madder at the time, but is probably the best thing).

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is never easy. ((HUGS))

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Can you please have your DH call mine and share his insight?!

BeachCole · February 2010

We've had a similar rut lately, and we are going to try counseling next week. Like what you were saying, it's not that there is a big problem, it's just that we aren't on the same page lately. I've also been irritable lately and I'm hoping that talking to a third party will help me not get as upset as easily.

The best things we've done lately in the mean time is going away this weekend. I'm not sure if that's possible for you guys schedule wise, etc, but I was amazed at how a change of scenery gave us the feeling of a fresh start.

Olive44 · February 2010

I get like this with DH when I am stressed out (which seems to be a lot lately!).

Jenny102783 · February 2010

rjl07:

I'm sorry. I don't know if I really have any good advice, but TTC is so stressful and it really takes the fun out of your normal sex life too. It's so hard because we are so focused on it and the guys don't usually have too much input. I would just try to find some quality time where you don't have to talk about TTC or work or any other stressful things and just relax.

Maybe we should set up our DH's on their own little date since mine can talk about the Olympics nonstop too!

:::giggles::: Isn't it the most annoying thing?! I think I made it pretty clear I wasn't interested in the topic but he persisted. Perhaps my lack of response and practically falling asleep at the table wasn't enough of a clue.

leighbball · February 2010

Huge hugs. DH and I were in a rut like that a few weeks ago. I was an emotional mess and was freaking out at everything he did wrong. My grandmother had just gone into the hospital needing emergency brain surgery and it was my mom's birthday that week...she died in 1985.

What did I do? I sat down with him, cried, and told him everything I was feeling. It helped us because he didn't realize the stress I was feeling...plus I had just gotten AF and had thought I was pg after our first cycle ttcal.

My advice is try to have a heart to heart where there is no tv, no nothing...just you two. I brought a box of tissues for mine b/c I knew I was going to need it. After that, dh was much better about his stupid things...although he still is leaving empty water bottles around the condo and making stupid comments...grrr.

If that doesn't work or you don't feel satisfied, maybe a counseling session would be good. I've battled depression and anxiety since college and there are times when that is soooo helpful for me. I also agree with trying to do something for the two of you...a massage, a date night, a Wii challenge...

GL!

Jenny102783 · February 2010

pepomntpat:

If you feel like you are starting arguments (I do this) bite your tongue and count to 10 or 100 or whatever and think about the importance of what you are saying. Sometimes I do a quick yoga stretch, or check my e-mail,.or make my dog do tricks.

Also, what would put you in a good mood in the morning? DH usually makes me coffee in the AM. It's hard to get mad at him when he brings a steaming cup of coffee to me in bed and it's easy for him to do.

That is great advice. I'll have to give it a try.

I just feel like he has been doing small, annoying things. The other morning, he finished the cereal and didn't even tell me so I didn't have any breakfast. We have to let our dog out twice in the morning. I do it once and he does it once. The other morning, he left without doing it.

KristysRedBarn · February 2010

I'm sorry your going through this. Honestly, I usually find that time to myself is the best cure because it's not him, it's me. I go do something I want to do, or I put in a movie I like, paint my nails, bake, etc. If he is pressing me, I'll be honest and tell him I need some space. BTW, I wish DH would talk Olympics with me, I love them and he couldn't care less.

leighbball · February 2010

I forgot to add that I recently read "Don;t Sweat the Small Stuff, and its all small stuff" and it made me feel so much better. I'm still stressing out about certain things, but I feel like in terms of my m/c and all, I've learned how to change my thinking for the better.

Jenny102783 · February 2010

Thanks, ladies! This is all great advice! I really appreciate it!

This morning, DH said, "please stop taking your anger out on me and Kasper." Kasper is my dog. Ahh. I felt like crap! Kasper has been licking herself lately and the sound is starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard to me so I have been yelling at her to stop.

I know I'll be slightly annoyed with my drive home because we have bad weather but I told DH that I would try to leave it at the door. I am going to try really hard to have a great night tonight and maybe do something fun together tomorrow.

Thanks again, ladies!

ERICA21779 · February 2010

Do you feel like you left somethings unresolved from last weekends fight??? I find if I don't communicate to my dh what really upset me about the fight that it stays with me until I do so. Also the stress of TTC and the upset of BFNs will definately contribute to your moodiness and desire to want to fight it out. Try to talk it out, approach it in a non-confrontational manner and admit some of the blame in it and see how it goes.

Hang in there!

Jenny102783 · February 2010

leighbball:

Huge hugs. DH and I were in a rut like that a few weeks ago. I was an emotional mess and was freaking out at everything he did wrong. My grandmother had just gone into the hospital needing emergency brain surgery and it was my mom's birthday that week...she died in 1985.

What did I do? I sat down with him, cried, and told him everything I was feeling. It helped us because he didn't realize the stress I was feeling...plus I had just gotten AF and had thought I was pg after our first cycle ttcal.

My advice is try to have a heart to heart where there is no tv, no nothing...just you two. I brought a box of tissues for mine b/c I knew I was going to need it. After that, dh was much better about his stupid things...although he still is leaving empty water bottles around the condo and making stupid comments...grrr.

If that doesn't work or you don't feel satisfied, maybe a counseling session would be good. I've battled depression and anxiety since college and there are times when that is soooo helpful for me. I also agree with trying to do something for the two of you...a massage, a date night, a Wii challenge...

GL!

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope everything is okay now. And I know how hard anniversaries can be. :::hugs:::

I like the idea of a Wii challenge!

Jenny102783 · February 2010

ERICA21779:

Do you feel like you left somethings unresolved from last weekends fight??? I find if I don't communicate to my dh what really upset me about the fight that it stays with me until I do so. Also the stress of TTC and the upset of BFNs will definately contribute to your moodiness and desire to want to fight it out. Try to talk it out, approach it in a non-confrontational manner and admit some of the blame in it and see how it goes.

Hang in there!

Definitely. I don't know exactly what though. I think mostly I am just still mad about it but I have already communicated why and what should be different. I need to just let it go already. I almost feel as though I am displacing my anger from that argument and getting annoyed over little things. You know?

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