baby "orientation manual" for visitors?

lnle · February 2010

I've been talking with my husband and parents about typing up a few pages about taking care of preemies, multiples, etc. with rules about what visitors can and can't do, and guidelines about our baby care routines (once we figure out what those routines are!). We are expecting to get inundated with visitors over the next few months and I really want to try to head off the unsolicited advice and people doing things "wrong" with our babies.

Any suggestions for this type of handout? Anything you wished you would have told visitors ahead of time? Anything that helped you be successful in actually getting visitors to be helpful instead of a nuisance?

thanks!

Mrs.McJeep · February 2010

I would first limit visitors to immediate family and adults only for the first few weeks - depending on when they are born and everything.

Also not in regards to handout but have hand sanitizer available and make sure everyone knows and respects that they must wash their hands when they come in the house if they wish to touch baby.

I was anal about it but no one who is sick or was sick within the past week. Or around anyone who was sick in past week. At first my family didn't get it, but they just respected our wishes. I would also ask your hospital if they have anything - sometimes they have stuff like this already printed up.

nygrl79 · February 2010

I agree with the pp that I would limit visitors to close family members only for the first few months (depending on how early they are born). If you can't do that, I would make the following rules:

No children under the age of 12 in the house for the first __# of weeks (that may be hard, but that is the hospital standards and you should ask your pedi for how long this rule should apply, depending on how early your babies come).

Must use sanitizer/wash hands as you walk into the house.

Only well adults

If you come to see the babies, you must bring food or call ahead to see if there is anything we need (someone may be able to stop at a store and pick up juice, milk, paper towels, whatever). This is a biggie for me. I feel like people should be willing to help out, not just come over to "hold" the babies. If they are not willing to be helpful, then they are not welcome in the first few months.

ErinCB · February 2010

As in, a handout you will give to people who come to visit?

I know NBs and preemies need to have precautions, but I think that's a bit extreme. Like, I'd be extremely put off if I was your relative, coming over with food and diapers for you and you handed me a "guidebook" on what not to do with your baby. Sorry, I just think that's a bit much.

Have your own guidelines in your mind, a set of rules and stick to them. But do it verbally and gently. You aren't dealing with a room of first graders, you're dealing with grown adults who love you and are genuinely excited for you.

I know it can be overwhelming w/ NBs in the house and if you just don't want to deal with it, don't have visitors early on. If you think people coming over are a nuisance, just don't have them. That's JMO.

Haven1 · February 2010

ErinCB:

As in, a handout you will give to people who come to visit?

I know NBs and preemies need to have precautions, but I think that's a bit extreme. Like, I'd be extremely put off if I was your relative, coming over with food and diapers for you and you handed me a "guidebook" on what not to do with your baby. Sorry, I just think that's a bit much.

Have your own guidelines in your mind, a set of rules and stick to them. But do it verbally and gently. You aren't dealing with a room of first graders, you're dealing with grown adults who love you and are genuinely excited for you.

I know it can be overwhelming w/ NBs in the house and if you just don't want to deal with it, don't have visitors early on. If you think people coming over are a nuisance, just don't have them. That's JMO.

I agree with this. A list of "rules" handed out at the door is a bit much. You can have a few big ones you can quickly say on the phone (like "only non-sick adults and you have to wash your hands when you get here") but beyond that, anything typed up is pretty off-putting.

nygrl79 · February 2010

ErinCB:

As in, a handout you will give to people who come to visit?

I know NBs and preemies need to have precautions, but I think that's a bit extreme. Like, I'd be extremely put off if I was your relative, coming over with food and diapers for you and you handed me a "guidebook" on what not to do with your baby. Sorry, I just think that's a bit much.

Have your own guidelines in your mind, a set of rules and stick to them. But do it verbally and gently. You aren't dealing with a room of first graders, you're dealing with grown adults who love you and are genuinely excited for you.

I know it can be overwhelming w/ NBs in the house and if you just don't want to deal with it, don't have visitors early on. If you think people coming over are a nuisance, just don't have them. That's JMO.

I second no "written" handouts. Just things you should tell people and that your and DH's parents should tell others for you.

Temp159135562506975 · February 2010

nygrl79:
ErinCB:

As in, a handout you will give to people who come to visit?

I know NBs and preemies need to have precautions, but I think that's a bit extreme. Like, I'd be extremely put off if I was your relative, coming over with food and diapers for you and you handed me a "guidebook" on what not to do with your baby. Sorry, I just think that's a bit much.

Have your own guidelines in your mind, a set of rules and stick to them. But do it verbally and gently. You aren't dealing with a room of first graders, you're dealing with grown adults who love you and are genuinely excited for you.

I know it can be overwhelming w/ NBs in the house and if you just don't want to deal with it, don't have visitors early on. If you think people coming over are a nuisance, just don't have them. That's JMO.

I second no "written" handouts. Just things you should tell people and that your and DH's parents should tell others for you.

i third it I know if i visited anyone (even family) and they handed me anything printed out I'd think they had lost it.

perhaps type of a quick email before you have them and send to people who you expect to be over a lot... i wouldn't think that was too odd... esp if you word it as "just wanted to send out my thoughts now before I forget and then it's too late" type of thing.

As long as you stay strong in your desires- and let people know - things will go fine. Don't be afraid to say thing- or have your DH say things - it's not time to worry about anyone's feelings- nothing matters but you and the health of the babies.

luvmagoldn · February 2010

Totally agree with the no handbook sentiment. There are many reasons for my opinion on this but mostly I think it will be a waste of time and energy for you.

Tell everyone in advance who will be allowed to visit the babies in the first few weeks (grandparents only, immediate family only, etc). Then I would give those people instructions concerning being well, not bringing their children with them, washing hands, etc.

I had a no children rule until the boys were 6 or 8 weeks old - and they weren't even premies. I just didn't want the babies exposed to germs unnecessarily and everyone seemed to understand.

lnle · February 2010

thanks ladies! I know you're right that I don't want to overwhelm people with a million rules and demands, and that I can't stop pushy advice completely. It sounds like a simple reminder to be healthy and to sanitize is important, then maybe a list of things they could do to help when they come over, and then maybe any info that's important to the babies' routines would be good. I like the idea of a whiteboard or clipboard with important info on it because even if people come over with the intention of being helpful, it will be tiring for me to have to explain everything each time.

I am a planner by nature and I keep trying to give myself the illusion of control over this overwhelming process!

So actually, the people who know me well wouldn't be surprised that I have handouts. But I agree that I don't need to be a drill sergeant about it.

janjag · February 2010

i don't know if you'll need to write stuff down (things may change and you may need to edit quite often) <edited... the white board sounds like a great idea - not offensive,and you can change as needed>, and some stuff is just hands-on. but either way there are some things we asked of everyone.

oooh, i think i have one... if you do a hand-out, include a copy of a log page (assuming you are using one!) and include that with a few entries filled out. hopefully people who are helping can feel comfortable marking for a diaper change, a feeding (how much). that would've been a help to me.

washing hands/sanitizing as soon as coming in house and before touching babies, and after every diaper change, and before fixing a bottle... etc.

holding/supporting baby's head. even my sil's (who are twins ) who have little kids seemed to forget this very easily. i'm sure full term babies don't need head support as long.

be open to what others can teach you. my sil's were a big help in bathing babies at first when i was so nervous.

allow others to do stuff like vacuum, dishes, laundry... let yourself rest (even 20min can help) and spend time with babies. so many times others would be doing baby stuff and i'd be rushing around the house cleaning, etc. and i wished i'd let others do some of that if they are wanting to.

kimarino13 · February 2010

I have limited visitors to immediate family and my best friend. They all know they are newborns and make sure to wash their hands before touching the babies. They also know not to come over if they are sick. No handouts needed. I think they would be insulted if I had a handout, actually.

jalaiaa · February 2010

If they are just visitors, I agree, a handout would be a bit much. If you have several people who are going to spend a lot of time at your house helping, maybe one page of important stuff. eg how much pumped milk/formula each takes, what size diapers each uses etc. also, you can make a TO DO list (for you, not to hand out) that way if anyone asks what they can help with you can pick a couple things off the list.

Nikki1007 · February 2010

I agree a handout may be a bit much. For the people who will be staying and helping for awhile then maybe a one page sheet with important info like which baby needs what and when etc. Just verbally remind people to wash their hands and use sanitizer and go over any specifics verbally. No one is going to want to sit down and read a handout when there are babies in the other room to get to. Maybe a quick email to people who will be coming over to go over some things would be helpful.

ougrad1 · February 2010

I've never done anything like this but, I would make a poster of quick reference kinds of things rather than a "handout." You could put it in a place where they would go first like by the kitchen sink to wash their hands before they begin messing with the babies.

By this, I do not mean "rules" just things in general like please wash your hands before handling the babies. Anything you'd say verbally before letting them get started.

After leaving Emerosn with a sitter that young, I'd always need to know when she ate last and how much, when she slept last (time she went down and time she got up) and whether or not she had a bm. I'd make a daily record of these things for each baby put it in a three ring notebook. If you have lots of visitors handling the babies this is pretty necessary so, you'll know where they all are at in their "schedule."

Honestly those are the things that you have to keep up with to get from point a to point b with any baby.

ecleptic · February 2010

I have family with preemie triplets- they're 9mo now but they're still little I nanny one day a week (childcare has been rough to arrange) and visit outside of that too- so I spend a bit of time with the boys.

Littering the house with bottles of sanitizer helped me remember to keep my hands clean the first few weeks they were home- I'm not exactly in the habit of sanitizing my hands constantly but they were still very fragile when they came home from the NICU. A pump bottle for every flat surface seemed to do the trick.

Beyond that- everyone was expected to call first and get the how-to run down and people seemed to be brought in small groups- introducing just one or two new people and letting folks who already had the system down to help teach others. My husband and I got the full run down when they were still in the NICU and by the time they were home we were comfortable holding and feeding and burping (They were so incredibly tiny. Oy!) and so it was easy to hand off one or two to us and let mom/dad spend one-on-one time with a new guest showing them the basics while we kept the others entertained. Let reliable guests help

Some things that have helped immeasurably with keeping visitors useful that took a while to shake out-

Dry erase board with the feeding schedule. Especially with three and visitors rotating in and out of the house-it's much easier if you can write down the expected feeding times so that when someone asks you if a specific baby is hungry you can glance at the board and say: yes, it's about feeding time- grab a bottle or no, they just finished eating. Otherwise you wind up with a dozen nibbled on bottles littering the house from people trying to help feed them when they weren't hungry.

Mark bottles with dry erase pens. Dry erase means you can change the designation- don't commit yourself to specific bottles by using permanent for specific babies of you may run out of one baby's bottles mysteriously. We do a B, T, or A (based on names). All three of them have different formula needs so mixing bottles up isn't great. Plus if one gets sick- the fastest way to spread a cold is by mixing bottles up. As long as they're marked when they're made or before they're put up- you can easily tell someone else to grab the A bottle for baby A and go to town without having to remember what color bottle ring you had or shape of bottle or if you put it on the top shelf or the bottom shelf.

Have a big box of burp cloths/bibs available in the main sitting area. Your guests will come with nice clothes. This is silly because babies love to spit up all over nice clothes. Having a big stack of easily reachable cloths makes it easy for visitors to acquire their own in case of a disaster (or just in case they're smart enough to want one before the spit up)- leaving your hands free to handle other things.

Have an easily accessible/visible changing area. Especially if you have a lot of family who want to "help"- carting the baby off to the nursery for changing is a bit of a hassle. Make the diapers/wipes easy to find (our trips had a bassinet packnplay that was used for baby changing with piles of diapers and wipes) and don't be shy about suggesting that your guests give changing the baby a try.

The hardest thing about trying to be a useful guest is when the parents have a system that only they can decipher. They whisk the baby off to be changed out of view- they insist on acquiring formula themselves or feeding the baby themselves- leaving the want-to-be-helpful guest sitting there a little bewildered and feeling totally useless while the new parents runs around like a chicken with its head cut off being a hostess and mom.

Trust me when I say that the vast majority of your guests are going to be awestruck at the concept of trying to juggle three newborns at once and won't be expecting the visit to be like visiting a parent of a singleton. They won't know what to expect- and would usually like to be helpful... but have no idea what you need help with. Tell us to hold a baby. Tell us to feed a baby. Dump a baby in our laps and let us adore them while you catch a breather and have a drink.

sourpop · February 2010

Our IRL friend had twins and I just recently asked her what her rules were (they had them at the beg of H1N1 season back in Oct at 34 weeks).

ANYONE that wanted to see them HAD to get the h1n1 shot.

Shoes OFF in the house.

Come clean (clean clothes, clean hands).

When you get there wash your hands and THEN use sanitizer.

No kissing face or hands of babies.

No strong smells (perfumes, hair sprays, etc).

Limited visits to an hour at a time (unless its someone you WANT there for a longer amount of time).

No kids can come over under the age of 10 for the first 6 months (this was strict docs orders, due to the scary flu season).

groovygrl · February 2010

Um, wow. To most of this. This is going to come off as seriously bitchy but IMHO if you're going to feel the need to control every aspect of everything visitors (not actual caretakers or sitters) do, then you should just limit your visitors. It's one thing to ask people to please wash or sanitize hands before touching your baby but quite another to give them detailed written instructions about everything they're allowed & not allowed to do. I mean, not to be totally snarky but are you going to tell them how to wipe your kid's butt if they offer to change the diaper? I'd rather not visit or just visit & not come near your baby, to be honest.

Visitors (except family members or people who you have asked to actually HELP) are not going to come over expecting to do all sorts of things w/ and for your baby. They may want to hold him/her and beyond hand sanitization, what kind of 'instruction' would you plan to give for that? They will not likely expect to feed your child unless you request or offer and then you can just nicely tell them how you normally do it. If you aren't open to it being done any way outside of how you do it, then don't offer/ask. And they won't want to change the diaper, don't worry . I have yet to have someone that isn't a grandparent offer to do that.

If your babies are preemies & need special care & precautions beyond the hand sanitizing, etc then you really should just limit visitors to a few ppl who you can talk to in detail about what you expect/want done so you can protect their health.

Caretakers are a different story- eg if you want the feeding/changing/ etc documented in a certain way, just show them how! But if you allow other ppl to help out w/ your kids, expect that sometimes it won't be in the exact same way you do it & in most cases, this is really not a big deal. With 2 babies, I had to let go of some of the control & just realize some things are really not important enough to get worked up over, so I can only imagine with 3.

Sorry to go off but this rubbed me the wrong way a little. I was so thankful for anyone who was willing to help me, esp once MH went back to work and I don't know how willing they would've been if I had been so anal.

GL!

k&b51907 · February 2010

We just asked people to sanitize their hands and to not kiss the babies. However, per the dr's in the NICU, we limited our visitors to immediate family. Since they were preemies it was too much to risk getting them sick, especially with RSV being so popular this season. We are just now inviting people over to meet the boys. It sucks because we want to show them off but don't want them to possibly sick.

And I have to say our visitors don't come over to help....they just want to see the babies.

jettagurl · February 2010

I agree with the previous two posters. People are coming over to ooh and ahh at your babies, not to work the assembly line. Keep sanitizer by the door, or immediate usher then to the restroom. Keep a log, but don't expect everyone else to fill it out - you/DH should be handing the bottles out, so write it down and write to oz down when you pick the bottle up, jot it down when you someone changes a diaper. Maybe/probably this comes from not being a first-time mom... but if you want to keep your sanity, you'll really want to lighten up. I really truly honestly don't mean to sound snarky if it does.....I just know you'll drive yourself crazy if you micromanage like that.

I'd send a general email out even before the birth that you'll be welcoming the babies soon and you'll be in contact once they are home and doing well enough for visitors. Ask that they keep correspondence limited to email (or whatever) so that ringing phones don't interrupt sleeping, and if you have a lot of ppl wanting to help overnights/make dinner/run errands then delegate someone to schedule all that for you. Once you're ready for visitors, send an email reminding them that healthy individuals only, and to please email when they'd like to come over (so it's scheduled/you're not caught breastfeeding or showering or whatever).

But Relax....and get ready to really ENJOY those babies.

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