Vent

austxgrl · February 2010

I am by no means wanting any pitty or anything by this I just need to vent.

I have been putting off getting my final blood work for about a week now. I was suppposed to get it last Thursday but I didn't go and I have tried so hard to make myself go every day since then but haven't been able to mentally get myself there. I guess I just really don't need to hear once again that it is over. So Tuesday two seperate nurses from Dr. V's office called to tell me that I need to go get the bloodwork done. I went yesterday at lunch and for some reason they did not get a reading so I had to go again today. I went in at lunch and told the girl not only what arm to use but what vein to use. She didn't want to listen and said she found a perfect vein on the other arm. Whatever, just get this over with. Well, guess what, she missed the vein. So she tries again in the same arm after I suggest again that she use the other arm and she misses again. At this point she goes to get someone else to do it. She comes in and I show her the exact vein, she uses it and it is done. In the meantime, I'm in tears. I can't stop them. Its not from the pain becuase that is really all relative at this point. I'm just so tired of all of it. I'm tired of being pocked and prodded for nothing and I'm tired of the emotional toll this is taking on DH and I.

We are having an insurance day at the office today and I had a conference call to find out exactly how much has been billed to insurance and how much, if any, we have left for IF. I'm waiting on the email now and on one hand I'm praying that we have at least some to try again because I know that it is going to take so long to save for adoption and if we have at least some for IF then we can get started trying on that sooner. But at the same time the thought of going through IVF again makes me ill. It is hard. Really really hard. But then I think about all of these girls on the IF board that have done IVF 5 and 6 and more times and I feel like such a wimp that I am so tired after just one shot. And I really am not yet ready to deal with the thought of never being pregnant.

This is all totally pointless and going absolutley no where I just needed to get it out. A few girls on the board have recommended a grief counselor in town and we will be seeing him next week so I'm sure this will all get sorted out then, I just needed to vent now. OK, vent over. Thanks

balihaigirl · February 2010

hugs. so sorry. Crying

flymansWife · February 2010

vent away hun. i wish i had the words to make this all easier for you! (((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))

userdeleted · February 2010

I'm so sorry

Please, vent away. Sometimes it feels better to just let it all out.

burntorangetang · February 2010

No words, just ((hugs)).

brideonjuly8 · February 2010

Love you. (((hugs)))

Chandley · February 2010

we love you! Left Hug

libbyann · February 2010

Kim777 · February 2010

I'm so sorry. You are not a wimp at all and you have every right to be sad, regardless of what anyone else has gone through. {{big hugs}}

PrincessBrideSarah · February 2010

I am so sorry. Your situation really sucks and it is not fair. I hope that you have enough coverage left to make one more try at IVF possible.

I also get freaked when I see the ladies on IF and SAIF who have done 5+ IVFs. There is one woman who got pregnant on IVF #8 (baby is born now).

I wonder how they did so many IVFs both financially and emotionally. I feel completely broken (like the way you break someone's spirit or zest for life) after all DH and I have gone through. Even with pretty good coverage, our IVF cost us a few thousand dollars. Plus all the other thousands of dollars spent on surgery, the failed pregnancy, and the multiple failed IUIs.

Infertility takes a huge toll emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I really feel for you and know that this is a very hard thing to go through.

I hope you are able to find some peace with the grief counselor. You may want to ask if the counselor has experience with infertility and/or pregnancy loss. There are therapists out there who don't get that infertility is a huge loss and incredibly stressful. I actually see infertility as a roller coaster of loss and hope. Mixed in with that are all the wonderful hormones being used as part of the treatment process.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Know that you are supported and heard. Do whatever you need to do to cope and feel better and don't expect too much from yourself.

Emer · February 2010

{{{{hugs}}}}

GuavaGal · February 2010

smb29 · February 2010

Big hugs!!

jml5q · February 2010

fjaril · February 2010

*hugs*

austxgrl · February 2010

Kelly (nurse) just called and my levels are back down to zero. My heart dropped when I heard that. So stupid becuase I know this already. UGH! Well, at least I can move on from this cycle now.

HSartteach · February 2010

We're here for you anytime, so vent away. I can't imagine all that you are going through. <<hugs>>

kiarox2002 · February 2010

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

spideyswifey · February 2010

Hugs and prayers. You have every right to vent.

emabend · February 2010

First of all, you are hardly a wimp. You have been through a lot more than most of us on this board. You have every right to feel sad and frustrated. I really do hope and pray you still have enough IVF funds available to give it one more try.

<hugs>

AustinMimi · February 2010

Vent away! And let me know if you want to get that drink next week. DH is going to be OOT, so you know, when the cat's away, the mice will play...

jkinslow · February 2010

You are definitely not a wimp!! I am amazed at all that you and DH have done. I have been reading your wonderfully written and touching blog and I have to say that you are truly amazing! ((((((((hugs)))))))

AustinAggie · February 2010

Hugs!

ndluvsrk · February 2010

I'm so so sorry, Austxgirl.

As always, you and your DH are in my thoughts.

Lots of hugs,

~NDK~

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