"Just because I don't have kids" rant

cbandjp · February 2010

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I just have to rant about it. I worked in a daycare for 5 years (baby room through school-age) and I was also nanny for twins (1 1/2 to 3 yrs old). I feel like I have pretty good experience with kids (I'm also a teacher now). I get so tired of people talking to me like I've never been around a baby or a child in my life. I've experienced a lot while nannying. I was with them from the moment they woke up to when they went to bed and occasionally slept over night. I'm so tired of hearing, "You'll know what I mean when you have your baby." Okay rant over.

kwinters87 · February 2010

I feel your pain! I nannied for a long time as well and my grandmother loves to tell the that I'm not good with babies and that my little sister (who nannies part time) should be the one to take care of my baby. Ticks me off every time!

RadicalDreamer143 · February 2010

I hear ya. I pretty much raised my (now 16 year old) brother, since my mother and SF couldn't be bothered - I even got up with him every few hours during the night, would use my money to buy him clothes, etc. Trust me, I have a bit of a clue about how sleep deprived I will be, though at least this time around I'm not in school.

doremi29 · February 2010

This drives me nuts- and the worst culprits of this are my fellow teachers in the faculty room!! I don't claim to know what it's going to be like to have a newborn 24/7, but for some reason they always have to throw it in my face that I don't have a child yet, while at the same time making parenthood sound so negative.

scubaspot · February 2010

I am with you. I worked in daycare and as a nanny when I was in college and then became a teacher. People tell me all the time "wait until you have babies". What really pi$$ed me off was when my sister told me I didn't know what I was talking about because I didn't have kids yet. I might not have children but I have changed THOUSANDS of diapers, fed multiple babies, fed lunch to 13 toddlers at one time and put to sleep a room of 13 toddlers with the help of only one other person. I am not an expert by any stretch but I am not ignorant either so please don't tell me I cannot have an opinion on diaper brands because I have yet to change a diaper that belongs to my child.

tlmommy2b:) · February 2010

doremi29:
This drives me nuts- and the worst culprits of this are my fellow teachers in the faculty room!! I don't claim to know what it's going to be like to have a newborn 24/7, but for some reason they always have to throw it in my face that I don't have a child yet, while at the same time making parenthood sound so negative.

This! I am a teacher as well. I don't know why women have to be so damn negative. Isn't becoming a mother supposed to be a good thing? Why are they trying to make me dread it?

cateye · February 2010

I totally agree! I had lots of experience with kids before having DD and it really irked me when people said those kinds of things, too. Being a 24/7 parent IS different from nannying, but not by that much.

doremi29 · February 2010

tlmalstrom:

doremi29:
This drives me nuts- and the worst culprits of this are my fellow teachers in the faculty room!! I don't claim to know what it's going to be like to have a newborn 24/7, but for some reason they always have to throw it in my face that I don't have a child yet, while at the same time making parenthood sound so negative.

This! I am a teacher as well. I don't know why women have to be so damn negative. Isn't becoming a mother supposed to be a good thing? Why are they trying to make me dread it?

Exactly! If it was all so horrible, wouldn't they have stopped after one LO?! All of these woman who are blabbing on and on at lunch time making parenting into a horror story all have 2 or more children so I'm guessing the good outweighs the bad and I'm sure we'll all get through it just fine :-)

cbandjp · February 2010

cateye:
I totally agree! I had lots of experience with kids before having DD and it really irked me when people said those kinds of things, too. Being a 24/7 parent IS different from nannying, but not by that much.

I agree. I thought it was tough because it was like raising someone else's kids the way they want.

NikkiBenzo · February 2010

They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.

cbandjp · February 2010

NikkiBenzo:
They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.

I agree. But I'm tired of hearing about diaper changes, bottle feeding, etc. I've changes some explosions in my time.

Ciconrad · February 2010

doremi29:
tlmalstrom:

doremi29:
This drives me nuts- and the worst culprits of this are my fellow teachers in the faculty room!! I don't claim to know what it's going to be like to have a newborn 24/7, but for some reason they always have to throw it in my face that I don't have a child yet, while at the same time making parenthood sound so negative.

This! I am a teacher as well. I don't know why women have to be so damn negative. Isn't becoming a mother supposed to be a good thing? Why are they trying to make me dread it?

Exactly! If it was all so horrible, wouldn't they have stopped after one LO?! All of these woman who are blabbing on and on at lunch time making parenting into a horror story all have 2 or more children so I'm guessing the good outweighs the bad and I'm sure we'll all get through it just fine :-)

The good outweighs the bad, by far...but there is a lot of insanity you experience once you become a parent. It's sort of a natural response when you get together with a bunch of moms to start commiserating on the craziness your kids have thrown at you. It doesn't mean you hate being a parent or don't love them or regret having them, you just have a way of sharing your experiences.

CutieGirl22 · February 2010

NikkiBenzo:

They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.

Totally Agree

BlueRidgeMama · February 2010

cateye:
Being a 24/7 parent IS different from nannying, but not by that much.

Guess I'm one of those people who thinks that it is different by a LOT. It bugs me when people say that too, but honestly, as cliche as it is, when you have *your own* kids everything changes.

jenkm · February 2010

NikkiBenzo:
They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.

I truly believe you're right, that it's something you can't understand until you've been there. I still think it's super annoying when people say it. It's like an "I told you so" or something. Just. Shut. Up.

There's nothing in life that you can TRULY understand until you've lived it - no reason to rub that in. Remember when your parents used to say "you'll understand when you grow up" or something similar? Super annoying, teaches nothing, accomplishes nothing.

1MusicMaker · February 2010

I agree with nikki on this one. I have always been around kids, and taught preshool/elementary school for several years before I had DS. But, it's just different when you have your own.

acaudill042106 · February 2010

Those phrases used to annoy me...BEFORE I had kids of my own. Now I totally understand. I have even said it..yikes...I know. But the dedication and love is just so much more overwhelming.

MsKay88 · February 2010

tlmalstrom:

This! I am a teacher as well. I don't know why women have to be so damn negative. Isn't becoming a mother supposed to be a good thing? Why are they trying to make me dread it?

This exactly! I hate listening to other mothers tell expectant mothers horror stories. Being a mom is hard but it's an awesome and wonderful experience! I love it and I am so excited for everyone of you no matter what number you're on.

And, noone knows everything about children even if they've had seven of their own. Every day is a learning experience.

KateNonymous · February 2010

I don't have as much experience as you, but I was also a nanny (lived in) for a time.

Generally, though, what I like to say is this: "I don't have kids, but I did have parents."

winomom22 · February 2010

Having your own child IS very different than taking caring of another person's child. The ultimate responsibility for that child lies on you when it's your own-you don't ever get a day off. Perhaps that is what people are referring to-not necessarily the tasks involved. There is a lot more to parenting than just changing diapers and preparing meals. While the good does outweigh the bad, it is very challenging. I share funny stories about my child as well as horrific ones. It's all part of motherhood and I think it's good to hear about the good, the bad and the ugly. I wish more people emphasized how hard it truly is so I wasn't so shell shocked when I had my own.

greeneyes9800 · February 2010

Honestly, a year from now, you will totally understand where they are coming from. It use to make me SO mad when parents of my second graders would say something like that. I taught for seven years before having DD. I thought I knew and understood, but truthfully you have no idea until you are a parent. You will see!

funnibaby · February 2010

tlmalstrom:

doremi29:
This drives me nuts- and the worst culprits of this are my fellow teachers in the faculty room!! I don't claim to know what it's going to be like to have a newborn 24/7, but for some reason they always have to throw it in my face that I don't have a child yet, while at the same time making parenthood sound so negative.

This! I am a teacher as well. I don't know why women have to be so damn negative. Isn't becoming a mother supposed to be a good thing? Why are they trying to make me dread it?

I work in L&D and there are actually a few moms that tell me about all the fun they have with their kids, funny stories, etc... It is refreshing to hear that there are people who love being parents rather than tell you horror stories and how awful it is going to be.

Heather

baby_soon_31 · February 2010

jenkm:
NikkiBenzo:
They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.

I truly believe you're right, that it's something you can't understand until you've been there. I still think it's super annoying when people say it. It's like an "I told you so" or something. Just. Shut. Up.

There's nothing in life that you can TRULY understand until you've lived it - no reason to rub that in. Remember when your parents used to say "you'll understand when you grow up" or something similar? Super annoying, teaches nothing, accomplishes nothing.

i agree that it may be different once you have kids of your own, but i also think that not only it is annoying to hear that, but it really may not be that different for people with extensive experience. I have not been around kids that much before i had my first child, and it has been an eye opener for me personally, but i have known people who literally raised their little brothers and sisters and i am sure that they truly know what it is like to be a parent and have kids of their own...

NikkiBenzo · February 2010

baby_soon_31:
jenkm:
NikkiBenzo:
They may not necessarily mean that you don't know what it is like to be around kids because it is true that no matter how long or how much you know about kids - even if you were a pediatrician - you never truly know what it is like until you have your own. The love is completely different and your dedication to your own is completely different. Maybe that is what they are talking about. JMO.
I truly believe you're right, that it's something you can't understand until you've been there. I still think it's super annoying when people say it. It's like an "I told you so" or something. Just. Shut. Up.
There's nothing in life that you can TRULY understand until you've lived it - no reason to rub that in. Remember when your parents used to say "you'll understand when you grow up" or something similar? Super annoying, teaches nothing, accomplishes nothing.

i agree that it may be different once you have kids of your own, but i also think that not only it is annoying to hear that, but it really may not be that different for people with extensive experience. I have not been around kids that much before i had my first child, and it has been an eye opener for me personally, but i have known people who literally raised their little brothers and sisters and i am sure that they truly know what it is like to be a parent and have kids of their own...

I see what you are saying, but it is still different then raising your sibling or someone else that you love very much - the love is TOTALLY different for your own child. I am talking from a love and dedication perspective, not an experience perspective though, keep that in mind. have a brother and I would take a bullet for him, but I would take TEN for my child.

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