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1st Trimester
feel so bad for my co worker
On Monday I found out that the girl sitting next to me at work was 12 weeks along but she was really nervous about her pregnancy because she's 37yrs old. So she was only telling a few people. She had her first u/s yesterday and never came in to work but I didnt think much of it because it was snowing out. Then this morning she didnt come in either. Our manager just pulled us into her office and told us she has lost the baby and she would be out until Monday. I feel so horrible for her. Our manager told us that when she did come back to work she didnt want to talk about it with anyone. I feel like no matter what we say to her its not going to help...even my usual monday morning question of how was your weekend might not be right. Do you ladies have any suggestions?
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Re: feel so bad for my co worker
Pretty much "I'm sorry" is the only thing you can offer...but if you're not that close it might be better to just say nothing. I know that sounds cold, but she might not want it brought up.
Also since you're pregnant, it might be hard for her to see you being pregnant (I know you're not showing yet, and you might not have told her anyway)...so just be aware that it might be hard for her to see your belly or hear about pregnancy stories.
The sympathy card telling that if she does want to talk, that you'd be willing to listen is a good one. If she said she doesn't want to talk about it, she won't bring it up.
Don't ask something casual like how her weekend was--you know the answer. It's going to be awful.
Just give her space.
Umm I don't think it was your managers place to share such highly sensitive information with your whole department.
Having said that: you should make yourself available IF she wants to reach out to you.
well, i think if she said that she does not want to talk about it, you should respect that. a smile when she comes back is enough.
i don't know your relationship with her, but if something like this happened to me and one of the women in my office that i'm not close to said anything after I'd asked my boss to not talk about it, then anything, no matter how well intentioned it was, would be something i wouldn't want.
This.
She asked our manager to tell the people who knew she was pregnant about what happened and explain to us that we were not to bring it up when she came back to work on Monday. So I think I will just smile at her when she comes back and she knows where I am if she wants to talk. I totally agree with some of the other comments about how if we weren't close to begin with to give her the space she needs.
She told the people in our group (7 of us). And she asked our manager to share the news with us so we wouldnt ask her about her pregnancy when she came back.
Okay got it! That makes more sense.
Sorry about that I probably should have included that part in my original post.
Like several have mentioned already, I would go the card route.
However, try a Hallmark store where there are miscarriage-specific cards that may have just the words she needs the hear. Then leave it on her desk so she can open when she's ready.
As a therapist, I see several women who have miscarried or having difficulty TTC after a loss. But it's typically been 3-6 months by the time they seek counseling. So down the road, if she is showing signs of depression or overwhelming grief/sadness -- somebody needs to suggest that she talk to someone.
So sorry
I would assume that since the manager said that the employee doesn't want to discuss it when she returned back to work on Monday, that she gave the okay for him/her to announce.
We had a similar thing happen at work, except my co-worker was 40 weeks and went in for a NST. She also asked that everyone be told because she didn't want to return to work and have people ask how the baby was - it makes for an awkward moment for both parties. We sent her trays of food to her house and waited for her to bring it up before it was discussed.
A cupcake and a "I'm here if you need to talk".
The problem with people not talking about it at work is that after I miscarried in the middle of October, coworkers would still ask me why I wasn't showing. They did this until January when I told my boss that I was pregnant again.
I totally understand not wanting to talk about it when it's still fresh, but it would be nice to know that someone is willing to talk to you if you need it. At my work it was just the elephant in the room that noone would mention. Anything would have been better than the break room going silent every time I walked in.
2011 Reading Challenge
Just adding onto my post, if she's as angry as I was, and she knows you're pregnant, avoid her. I hated pregnant people and people with small children for a good month after it happened. My husbands cousin popped out her kid 2 days after we miscarried and I told my husband that if I had to go to Christmas he should drive, as I would have wanted to run her perky blonde butt over. Thankfully, the stars aligned and we did not go to that side of the family's christmas.
2011 Reading Challenge