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1st Trimester
maleigh101
member
Anyone with less than enthusiastic ILs or parents?
maleigh101
member
My parents are ecstatic but DH's not so much.
DH just called his mother and she said:
Lovely (sarcastically)
That's nice Dan.
I thought you had other priorities.
No congrats, nothing supportive. I feel bad for DH that his parents are like this.
By the way its not like we aren't ready. DH has a job, we have good health insurance, own a house both have cars and an empty spare bedroom. The only thing is I am still in school. People finish school with children all the time. I just wish he had more support. Can anyone relate?
Vent over.
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Re: Anyone with less than enthusiastic ILs or parents?
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I bet with a little time they will become much more supportive. But it's disappointing.
We haven't told our families yet. I'm concerned about the same type of reaction from my parents. Even though I'm 27 with a FT job, house, and married for 4 years. But like you, I'm in grad school.
Hang in there.
I haven't told my parents or ILs yet but I would be pissed if they are anything BUT thrilled for us!!
What other priorities is she talking about anyway?? that seems crazy to me!
I'm sorry your ILs are not on board, but I'm sure they'll get over it! my MIL was super upset when DH's little brother got his GF pregnant (they were no where near ready for a child), and now she gets mad if she doesn't get enough time with her granddaughter. Babies win everyone over eventually.
I posted something like this yesterday
I'm sorry you had to put up with unsupportive family too. We both work, live on military housing with an extra bedroom, have excellent insurance, own 2 vehicles, have been married 2 years, the whole works, but I'm in school also, so we got some grouches yesterday when we announced the news. My dh's Aunt's first words when I told her were "Oh no!" And then she told me how we needed to be married longer and how big a strain this would put on our marriage and how I didn't understand. His grandparents asked if my birth control had failed... We've been trying to get pregnant, so there was no birth control involved.
Sorry, I kinda joined your rant with mine. But I totally know how you feel and I'm sorry 'cause it bites when the family isn't has happy as you'd hoped. BUT, this is probably the most supportive group of women in the world, so you're venting in the right place
I haven't told anyone yet for this pregnancy. However lol, when I announced to my mom when I was 17 and expecting she wasnt pleased. She came around in her own time. Now she is in love with my DD and can't get enough of her.
I understand how you feel. My parents were ecstatic, while SO's were a little less than that. They weren't rude as your MIL was, just not as excited as my parents were. A baby is a baby - planned or not, it's still a miracle.
Look for my post on what my SIL did as her reaction.
I'm sorry your MIL is being a b*tch.
With our first baby my MIL was great my FIL I think had a little mid-life crisis. He actually said to my face that I would be a high risk pregnancy because I was overweight!
My DH is in Culinary School now and I bet that they will have something to say. But that aside they are still supportive and they are great grandparents!
It's like that commercial that they have been showing during the Olympics where all the athletes are little kids and they say "to their mom's they'll always be kids" Parents will always think they know better or will always have an opinion. Be happy and live in this moment--they will come around!
HTH!
In priorities I think she is talking about me still being in school. I don';t see how that matters since I am planning on being a SAHM with 2 days a week of continuing to go to school to finish my degree.
I just have a problem that they are going to be rude with us now but then when the baby is here they will do a complete 360. I am not very cool with that. Hopefully they change their tune quick.
Thank you so much! I am sorry that you have to go through this too. It definitely sucks, especially for DH. I will message you if I ever need to, you do the same!
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
I have not had this experience, but one of my girlfriends didnt have good relationships with either sets of parents,,,,she said that the baby sort of healed the family. ( guess there was some history)
Good luck!
yeah, I didn't mean to make it sound like it was OK for them to do a 360 once the baby's here...that definitely caused a LOT of friction in DH's family and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. there's still a lot of unresolved issues and the baby is 1 now. I really hope your IL's come around once they have a chance to process the news and get a grasp of your plan (which sounds like a good plan to me!); but even if they don't, they WILL come around eventually...and hopefully deal with it better than my ILs (like maybe apologize for their reaction and rudeness...I know, I'm probably dreaming)! GL!
Yes! And Im sorry you are going through this. My mom was ok when I first told her about the baby, which was not what I expected, because it wasnt planned, and there could have been better timing...but it was good. And then a week later after SO and I had gone home she called me on the phone and tried for 45 minutes to convince me that I wasnt pregnant, it was just 2 false positives.
Focus on the positive people in your life. Thats what we are doing because regardless of the timing we want this baby and couldnt be happier about it. If youre happy thats really all that matters!
My MIL was horrible. I really felt like we were a pair of high schoolers admitting we'd gotten knocked up homecoming night...
She didn't even really congratulate us, just complained about how we'd ruined her night's sleep- then she refused to discuss or acknowledge the pregnancy for several weeks.
She's come around now and is excited I think. She just needed to hear our 'plan' for this baby. She did throw another fit when baby's EDD was bumped back a week (really MIL? it's doing to ruin things by having a EDD a week later? because babies ALWAYS come on the EDD), but she has come around.
Just be there for your DH, as I sure he's hurt by this. And try to accept it as they come around. Give them a few weeks to adjust, but if as time goes on they still are unhappy, you'll need to have a sit down discussion with them about the fact that if they want to be involved in this child's life they need to have a more positive outlook.
In the meantime, make sure you emphasize how happy and excited you are about this. If they have concerns, address them (if it's something that is not private, answer, if it is private, just say 'we've got a plan for that and it's taken care of, don't worry). Be positive, not defensive. Good luck!
I know exactly how you are feeling too! My parents were less-than-thrilled when I called them to give the big news. But, honestly, it's the exact reaction I expected from them.. I'm not very close with them. They seriously made me feel like I was 16 & pregnant and haven't talked to me about it in over 4 weeks. I'm sure my parents will come around at some point, I mean this is their first grandchild! And it's not like SO and I are children! haha We're in our late 20's, college grads, great jobs, etc.
You just have to remember, it's for you and DH.. not anyone else!
I am sorry. I know how you feel, if it helps.
When we had DS, we called DH family. MIL asked to speak to me. she said, and I quote
"Ohh you had a boy"
Me- yes I did, Ethan, he is gorgeous.
Her" Ohh, now I have no one to put the dresses on that i bought."
me "ohh, here is you son"
no congrats, no nothing. she wanted a granddaughter, and nothing else... I cried for a LONG time, but then realized I had the best thing ever, a son who would love me.