DH no longer on board for IVF

momagain2009 · February 2010

And since I need him for his sperm I have a feeling we'll be canceling this IVF cycle. He's been talking to other people who have gone through this and he feels like we're messing with Mother Nature.

I hate him right now. I really, really do. Crying

jdeats12 · February 2010

I am so sorry that you're going through this. It is tough when you and your DH aren't on the same page. **hugs**

Temp590840000005378 · February 2010

OMG, I'm so sorry!! Do you think he will come around or do you really believe him? That is so completely crappy!! I can totally see why you are hating him, I would be soooo upset, UGH!!!

roselln2 · February 2010

I'm so sorry. Big (((HUGS))) for you.

njohnson1972 · February 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this.

People get medical treatment all of the time - that's how I look at it. Not as intervention. Diabetics and cancer patients are treated all the time - is that intervention with mother nature?

MoFree · February 2010

I'm so sorry. Is there any way you can speak with a therapist so this issue doesn't fester and become a potential deal breaker.

Personally, I don't get the idea of "not messing with Mother Nature." My husband received multiple transfusions as a result of his accident, should he have bled to death rather than mess with nature. Do people who require life-saving organ transplants or chemo therapy mess with nature. Do you think it's possible that he's really afraid of failure and in his convoluted thinking it's easier not to try than risk failure.

I certainly understand your feelings of hatred and hope you're able to resolve this issue in a way where you are on the same page.

amaksym05 · February 2010

I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.. I am so sorry.. I would be so angry as well.. Maybe a break with help. I am praying it will!(((hugs))) We are all here for ya girl!

jds0521 · February 2010

I'm so sorry - you should consider talking to a therapist/counselor if you really feel strongly about doing it. If you guys don't come to some sort of agreement, and you just don't do it b/c of his perception, then you will probably end up resenting him in the long run. Big ((HUGS)) & GL.

CJ71903 · February 2010

((((Hugs)))) It sux to not be on the same page as your hubby. I would be angry too, but maybe he'll come around.

KelinandKevin · February 2010

I am so sorry hon! Don't worry - he still might change his mind. At first my DH wasn't on board either, but after watching me go through countless fertility treatments without success he realized that IVF was our only way. If you want to talk about it you know how to find me!

mspatche · February 2010

So sad! I hope you are able to talk to him and come to a decision together!

If it wasn't for IVF, I would never be able to have my husbands child. (MFI) Sometime mother nature needs a little help!

LuvWIfootball · February 2010

That sucks! What has he been talking about with these other people? If they're people who've also gone through IVF, what could have possibly been said to make him change his mind? Is it because those people have not been successful yet?

Regardless, you situation is not the same as those people and it sucks that he's changed his mind. As other people have said, medical intervention is used for many things in life and not considered "messing with Mother Nature". This shouldn't be either.

Hopefully he'll change his mind again. Maybe you could consider couples counseling in the mean time? Just a thought.

I hope things work out for you.

gymnst1013 · February 2010

I'm so sorry!! I really hope he comes around.

firegirlkorb1 · February 2010

I'm so sorry, I hope he changes his mind. (((hugs)))

LCB34 · February 2010

jds0521:
I'm so sorry - you should consider talking to a therapist/counselor if you really feel strongly about doing it. If you guys don't come to some sort of agreement, and you just don't do it b/c of his perception, then you will probably end up resenting him in the long run. Big ((HUGS)) & GL.

I completely agree with all of this.

ktwilley · February 2010

I'm so sorry.

(((((HUGS)))))

I hope that he comes around.

Edwina.McDunnough · February 2010

I am really sorry. I hope you can work this out.

yodasmistress · February 2010

LuvWIfootball:
As other people have said, medical intervention is used for many things in life and not considered "messing with Mother Nature". This shouldn't be either.

This. It is irrational to pick and choose where to apply the "we shouldn't use medical technology" philosophy. IMO, if you're ok with organ transplants and cancer treatments you should be ok with IVF.

susanc07 · February 2010

oh no. i'm sorry.

i hope he comes around. ((hugs))

Mrs.B2007 · February 2010

I'm so sorry!

panda246 · February 2010

Oh no. I hope you two can talk and work this out. T&P.

Susan&Courtney · February 2010

I'm so sorry. I hope that you guys can get on the same page.

QuiltingBee · February 2010

I'm so sorry. That must be especially hard since you've already started your cycle. I hope he comes around, but I agree with others who recommended that you (or both of you) see a therapist to talk it out.

I'm so very sorry.

aj5oh00 · February 2010

I'm so sorry...big ((HUGS))

DMD1029 · February 2010

I'm so sorry. I've been through this same fight with my DH many, many times. What has ultimately worked with my DH is when I point out all of the kids of our friends - who he adores - and remind him that they are all the result of fertility treatments. I also remind him - as unthreateningly as possible - that stalling isn't helping anything. It only causes my eggs to age further and results in more BFNs. Fertilitly treatments and IVF have been around now for a full generation. Science has helped millions of couples and can help you guys too.

Just know that there are others who have gone through this. Holler if you need more e-emotional support!

stork1 · February 2010

I am sorry, maybe he is just feeling this way now, maybe he will change his mind. Has he heard the RE talk about it and answer his questions? This could just be poor timing for HIM.

I hope he comes around. Good luck

onedaychristinak · February 2010

Hoping he just needs some time to stop and reflect. The ladies make some great points regarding "picking and choosing" messing with Mother Nature (Cancer treatments, surgeries, etc.) Very valid point to bring up to you DH.

Try to stay positive and no that your love for each other will get you through this hurdle.

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