Hi Everyone,
It's been 21 days since my baby girl was born and now is when I finally have the chance to tell you all about it. I'm more of a lurker around here, but your stories and advice have helped me so much, I feel like I need to contribute this story to help others too.
Brielle Mavie's birth was quite the surprise. I went to the hospital on Monday, Feb 1 at 5pm because I had felt her movements slow down. They did a sonogram and said everything was fine, but when they put me on the monitor it turned out that I was in labor and didn't know it. I'd been 1 cm dialated for about 3 weeks. When my Dr. checked me again at the hospital I was still only 1 cm, but having contractions (that I didn't feel) every 2-5 minutes. After two hours, they checked me again and I was 2 cm. At that point they put me on Pitocin and I waited out the labor. I didn't take the epidural because I really wanted a natural birth, so I felt EVERYTHING. It was really painful (especially after they broke my water), but I'm really happy that I got to experience it.
After 12 hours of labor (last 3 of which were insane) I wasn't progressing past 4 cm and we decided on a c-section. I was super scared and disappointed, but her head was coming sideways and there was no way I would be able to deliver her. They were afraid she'd be in distress if I waited any longer, so 12 hours later, she was born via c-section.
While I was in the hospital, I was so drugged and tired that I didn't have time to realize what had just happened, but once I got home, the post partum hit big time. Whenever I was alone I'd cry because I was so disappoined I'd ended up having a c-section. It was made worse by the fact that she is my first baby and now I'll probably never be able to deliver naturally.
I was also planning to breastfeed for at least 6 months, but on Thursday I decided to give up breastfeeding. Wednesday I went to a lactation consultant and I found out that Brie was only getting 3/4 oz per feeding (and yes that was between both breasts). Apparently my body doesn't make enough milk due to my PCOS. Brie was only weighing 6 lbs 5 oz. She should have been back at her birth weight at that point. If I were to let this go on, she'd be labeled "failure to thrive" (a horrible, horrible term). Anyway, the LC wanted me to feed her every two hours (alternating breast and formula until my milk came in) and then pump immediately after feeding. I tried it. By the time I was done, it was time to feed again. I was losing my mind. On Thursday I decided to feed Brie only formula. She is a completely different baby. She had spent the last two weeks of her life screaming her head off. The poor girl has been starving. I feel horribly guilty and disappointed that I (once again) can't do things the way I wanted/expected, but I realize that these things are just selfish. At the end of the day pushing her out or breastfeeding her are things I WANT, but not necessarily things she NEEDS. I'm trying to let it go. The past few days things been a lot easier.
Motherhood has been an adventure. The craziness is starting to wind down and I'm finally enjoying being Brielle's mother. I keep surprising myself with how much I know instinctively. It feels almost like I've been her mom before.
Thank you for reading and for all the advice and support you all have offered me!
Re: Birth Story
You are not alone! This is exactly how I felt/feel, and now almost 5 months later, I don't necessarily cry about it but I still feel very upset. You just have to focus on the fact that you have a beautiful, healthy baby. That always seems to help me. Best of luck to you! I can't wait to see pictures.
I'm so sorry you didn't get the kind of delivery you wanted. But I am glad to hear the Brielle is here and safe and that you are adapting to motherhood well
A lot of us were thrown for loops with the kinds of deliveries we had, but c-section/vaginal, breast/formula, meds/med-free doesn't matter. We do what's best for our babies in the ways that we know how. Good luck, and please know that we're all here for you.
Congratulations on your new baby...can't wait to see pictures
Awww Hang in there - it will get easier - the first months i feel are the hardest - the lack of sleep, many feedings, etc - but it will get easier (of course a new set of problems comes with the later months) but I always thought the first 3 months were hard - just bc you feel helpless.
Dont beat yourself up to bad about the csection or bf - you got to do what is best for you. and it sounds like you are on the right track
I think our daughters might have the same bday - except I was last year
This sounds like a great attitude to have. Don't be so hard on yourself, she's now getting everything she needs from you.
Congratulations and enjoy your new baby girl!
Ditto
At the time that my daughter was born, I was desperate to get her out at that point and even though I cried as they took me to the OR, deep down I was somewhat relieved that labor was going to be over. Afterward, when it hit me that the rest of my deliveries would have to be c-sections (I'm not brave enough to attempt a vbac), it was disappointment all over again. I will say, though, now that I have my happy, healthy daughter and I've had a few months to bond with her, etc., I realize that it doesn't matter how they come out, as long as both you and the baby stay safe. It sucks that we'll never have the experience of a vaginal birth, but we're very, very, very, very lucky nonetheless.
Congrats on Brielle! Enjoy every second with her
Aww, congrats on your little girl! Those first few weeks are rough, and I remember feeling the same way at about 3 weeks--that I finally had time to think for more than a moment at a time. Here's hoping things keep getting better and better! And hey, there's always VBAC if you want to try for a natural delivery with a later child.
Tania