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Advice on friend's baby's death

sramasundersramasunder
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

one of my closest friends (med school roomie of 4 years) just lost her 5 month baby yesterday.  the baby was born with an underdeveloped brain and could not muster a true respiratory drive.  My LO is 6 weeks old and both of our other best friends/roomies from med school also have LOs (one with an 8 mos old and one with a 19 month old and another on the way).

 We all live out on the east coast and she is out in Seattle.  We are all planning to fly to Seattle to sit shiva (mourn) with her family this coming weekend but none of us want to bring our babies for fear of saddening her more.  My LO is very very young and I'm so scared to leave her.  My DH is great with her and I have enough pumped milk for her, but I'm still kind of freaking out...any advice?

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Re: Advice on friend's baby's death

  • jenny&ben112506jenny&ben112506
    I completely understand not wanting to leave her, but if your DH is great with her and you were able to pump enough milk, I think it will be okay.  I think that not bringing the babies is probably a good idea, as hard as it is to be away.  It will give you a chance to really be there for your friend, as well as not saddening her more.
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  • luckyangelluckyangel member
    You trusted DH enough to have a child with him...trust him to take care of your child.  He will do fine!
    accordingtoabby.com" "From of suffering emerges the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahlil Gibran
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  • mdnawilsmdnawils
    That is a really tough situation.  Personally as hard as it would be I would leave LO at home too.  Since you feel comfortable with DH having her and she has milk to last her she will be okay.  Just know that you are doing the right thing for your friend and being there for her when she needs you.
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  • kattyleighkattyleigh member
    I think you should go be with your friend, even if you can't make the entire weekend.  I know that is a long trip, but maybe you could just go for a day?  Your DH will definitely be able to handle it.  Do you have any other family nearby?  I'm very sorry for your friend.
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  • FlyswmerFlyswmer

    I suggest going without your LO.  Babies didn't bother me when Julia died BUT if you have your LO there you might not be able to focus on your friend.  Everything is still a blur but the other moms I talked to that lost their babies said time is the only healer.  And I have to say that's totally true.  Unfortunately there is nothing you can say to make it better.  Just be there for her even if it's just sitting in the room with her without talking.  I would have never gotten through her life and death with out my support system.

     ((((SUPER BIG HUGS))) to your friend.  

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  • shihtzumommashihtzumomma member
    imageFlyswmer:

    I suggest going without your LO.  Babies didn't bother me when Julia died BUT if you have your LO there you might not be able to focus on your friend.  Everything is still a blur but the other moms I talked to that lost their babies said time is the only healer.  And I have to say that's totally true.  Unfortunately there is nothing you can say to make it better.  Just be there for her even if it's just sitting in the room with her without talking.  I would have never gotten through her life and death with out my support system.

     ((((SUPER BIG HUGS))) to your friend.  

    Good advice. Though in my case, other babies did make me very sad. I needed my friends though. I say go and be with her, leave LO with DH. I'm so sorry for your friend. :(

    image
    image
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