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A little advice needed

monticellobridemonticellobride
in Northern California Babies

My brother and SIL are going through a really, really tough time right now. Many of you know the back story. I am struggling with how to be most supportive of them.  The details I have were shared with me by my mom, not by them.  My SIL in particular is really struggling.  I have reached out to her, but she tends to be very private. Every time I talk to my brother he says everything's fine although I know it's not.  He is working so hard to keep everything together it just breaks my heart.

I so badly want to reach out to them and be there for them during this time, but I'm at loss for how to do so.  Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

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Re: A little advice needed

  • SweetiePSweetieP
    I think that just continually reaching out in a variety of ways is the best approach.  Maybe just knowing how much you care will help her feel more comfortable with opening up.  Or she might just really be a private person.   Have you addressed the "I know it might be hard to talk to me right now knowing that I'm PG" thing?  That might also play a factor.
    Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
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  • Ang&GarrettAng&Garrett
    I think the best you can do is to just be there.  Call just to say hi.  Send emails doing the same.  Let her/them know you are there if/when they want/need to talk.  Showing you care that they are hurting might be the best and only thing they need right now.
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  • My.ABC.LifeMy.ABC.Life
    Aw L - I have no advice.  You're such a great and loving sister.  Perhaps your mom could be sure to mention at some point that were are always asking about them and want them to know you're there if they need anything.
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  • danandkellydanandkelly

    I think just continously reaching out to them in a variety of ways is best...and when they are ready they'll accept your offers.

    Maybe at this point things like meals, and tangable items are best, while in a short time just listening will be better.

    I also agree with Donna that it may be especially difficult for them to talk to you (at least face to face) since you are pg.  So I'd use other methods like text or email...just to let them know you are still there for them.

    I'm sorry.

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  • 2bearichards2bearichards

    Hugs Lisa!

    You got some good advice.  Is there a chance you could take a trip down south to spend some one on one time with your brother?

    Out of curiosity, are they in counseling?  either together or individually?

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  • Kellina71Kellina71
    Many many (((HUGS))).  I want to type more, but C is waking up from his nap....  I will try to get back to this, but I want to let you know I am thinking of you and your family....  <3
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  • I<3MYHUSBANDI<3MYHUSBAND

    I think that pp are correct about just keep trying to reach out in varies ways. I also agree that you might want to have the "I know it is hard because I am pregnant conversation" since that might be a barrier. It may make them feel better just to know you are sensative to it, and aware of how that may have affects on them when you speak. I wish them in a better place, and I hope they find comfort can't imagine how hard this is for them.

    A side note this couple also dealt with the loss of their daugther, and their insight into the journey and words may be of comfort to your family as you deal with this. https://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/ 

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  • Kellina71Kellina71
    image2bearichards:

    Hugs Lisa!

    You got some good advice.  Is there a chance you could take a trip down south to spend some one on one time with your brother?

    Out of curiosity, are they in counseling?  either together or individually?

    I was going to ask about counseling as well. The problem is- it is hard to bring that up w/ some people... so it depends on how you think they will feel about counseling and how they would take it if you ask them.  You don't want to sound like a preachy sister, but obviously you would love for them to have support.

    I am sure you already do this, but just reiterating that you are there for them and let them know you are thinking of them every so often. 

    Do you think they would be up for a visit from you?  Or would that be too difficult for them right now?  I am sure it depends on your specific relationship w/ them.

    My heart still breaks for them...I can't even imagine how you feel.  And of course I can't imagine how they feel.  :(

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  • monticellobridemonticellobride

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses.  They mean more than I can begin to tell you.  I am certain my being pregnant makes things more complicated between us.  I feel some guilt about that :(

    R, my SIL saw a counselor once, but after some things that happened this weekend they are planning on going together and maybe separately as well.  They are coming up here in a few weeks so I hope that will be time where we can offer love and support in person.

    M, thank you so much for the blog recommendation.  I will take a look at it as soon as I get home today.

    Many hugs and much thanks!

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  • scrapmama2201scrapmama2201
    You got some great advice. Sending you all big hugs!!
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  • SJBride05SJBride05
    Thinking of you and your family... {BIG HUG}
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  • dblhappinessdblhappiness
    Many, many hugs!! You've gotten some great advice and you are all still in my thoughts & prayers.
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