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2nd Trimester
Honest, flameworthy and awful.
Just got back from my second unsuccessful gender u/s in a week. Baby crossed its legs almost immediately after it popped on the screen. The lady tried for all of 30 seconds.
Here's the awful part. I'm mad and resentful. I cried for a good half hour and couldn't even look at the u/s printouts. I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't feel *that* bonded with this baby---not as much as everybody else seems too. I guess I'm just hoping that finding out boy or girl will help with that and its frustrating to keep hitting a wall.
Blah. I want a happy, warm fuzzies pregnancy. What the hell is wrong with me?
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Re: Honest, flameworthy and awful.
I'm right there with you. I feel... broken, I guess, b/c I can't at all identify with the in-utero bonding. I see the kid on the u/s and hear it's heartbeat and I'm happy everything is a-ok, but that's really it. No bond.
Awww, don't beat yourself up over it. I know how you feel. At my big u/s we got a very wishy washy tech who told us "well, it looks more like girl parts but you never can tell with ultrasound". Um, huh? It was disappointing, we had been waiting for that day for so long and mom was so excited to go shopping after (we took the day off), and it wasn't even that baby wasn't cooperating, it was that the tech was kind of just being lazy and didn't want to try to get a better look. I was definitely feeling down and not feeling that bond I had wanted to feel.
I had an elective 3D ultrasound the following weekend and was so nervous they weren't going to be able to give us a more definitive answer. I remember watching the images, and while it was definitely cool all I could think was "hurry up and try to give us a gender determination!". Luckily the guy said he was 100% sure we had a little girl and it has definitely made me feel closer to her (not just it anymore). Hopefully you won't have to wait much longer. Good luck!
Nothing is wrong with you! I'm sorry that happened to you. I want a warm and fuzzy pregnancy too, but I honestly feel like I have PMS more often than not. You are not alone!
Aw, no flames here. I understand your frustration. Prior to finding out the sex, I was very much in love with LO, but there felt like there was some kind of "wall" as you put it. When we found out, it made everything more "real" to me, as I am sure it will for you.
And I would be upset with the tech for not trying longer. My OB couldn't get my LO to move her legs for a good minute or so, but he kept trying, pushing at my stomach and moving it about until LO got so annoyed she finally showed us the goods
Sara
I totally understand what you are going through! With my first (my DD) - I felt terrible because I wasn't as warm and fuzzy as everyone else - I didn't cry when I heard the heartbeat (I was thrilled and excited but not that emotional). I loved being prego but never felt fully connected. The kicking helped a lot (we never found out her gender so I didn't have that either) - but I still felt lost.
And then I gave birth. It was amazing to hold her but much to my surprise - I was still not fully bonded. I thought I was a bad mother. (bear in mind - DD had colic for a solid 5 months!) And then - if by magic - one day she smiled at me (post colic) and I was in love! It took some time but now I think she is the greatest person on god's green earth. Everyone bonds in their own time - and so will you. Don't worry - it will happen!
I can't believe she didn't try harder.
Our elective and anatomy scans both showed LO with her legs crossed, but both techs nudged gently and she eventually complied.
Can you spring for an elective u/s?
I got in at a u/s boutique about an hour away from where I live. Appointment's on Thursday. I explained my situation and asked specifically if they could do everything possible to give me a determination. They assured me that they try to avoid the second, "free" appointment, so yes, they would.
I don't know. I'm a very impatient person by nature, add in hormones and good Lord. I'm a mess.
I just feel guilty for not feeling more "connected". I'm glad others have felt similarly.
There's nothing wrong with you. Not every woman feels particularly bonded to their unborn child: I'll admit it, I don't, and didn't with DD. I didn't actually feel bonded with her until several weeks AFTER she was born, when I'd gotten to know her. Finding out the gender was interesting to me, but didn't change anything (in other words, a real bummer on the US, but it may not have helped with the bonding thing, and that's OK too).
Don't gauge yourself based on other people (especially not blurbs on an internet board), and particularly not by what you think you're supposed to feel. The fact that not finding out tore you up obviously means you care a great deal the baby, don't expect yourself to feel or express that caring the same way other people do or belittle yourself for not doing so.
Exactly....why didn't she look a little longer?? I think i would have had to say something to her about that!
I cried a lot when I couldn't find out at my first U/S too. And I refused to look at the printouts, in fact, they're still in an envelope. I was so excited, I was going to make DH scan them for me to post pictures online, but after that I was pissed, angry, I've given up my body and everything to this baby and I don't even feel like I love him yet. I'm getting there, but nothing changed until I found out what he was, I had not bonded at all before I found out that he's a boy. AT ALL. It makes a huge difference to those of us who have our hearts set on it! I'm sorry for your bad experience, feel better!! It will get better!
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I don't think that's flameworth at all! Its disappointing when you get excited to find out the sex. Of course that's not the main reason we have u/s's but many of us look forward to that aspect.
I have friends who tried 3 times to find out the sex, each time, the baby would cross it's legs. They actually had to go back 3 times because the position it was in, left the tech unable to take important measurements. Even after 3 times, they still couldn't tell the sex.
I'm not sure how it is in the States, but in Canada, we don't have to pay for u/s's ordered by our doctor. We do have the option of going for a 3D u/s that we can pay for. They ended up doing that. The first time, the tech guessed a girl but said she wasn't 100% sure, so they invited them back for free to find out. That time, they could see for sure. Maybe you could do something like that?
Don't feel bad, I'm sure you'll feel better soon!
I doubt you feel resentful of your baby, so don't feel guilty about that. Feel free to hate on the u/s tech though! I know what you mean about needing to know what this little person is to help feel bonded. While I didn't have many issues DH had a hard time grasping this person, to the point where I was upset with him. Now that we know she is a she he has been much more excited and he is planning her arrival and meeting her.
You are pumped full of crazy hormones right now and having a baby isn't the easiest thing in the world. It is a huge deal to grasp...I don't think you should put any pressure on yourself to think/feel one way. Talk about the baby with your husband. Talk about the future and the things you plan to do with him/her. That might help you get excited for this arrival. And hopefully your insurance will keep paying for u/s's until LO becomes cooperative!
Here's wishing that you can feel some warm fuzzy feelings as you get further along and feel little feet in your ribs and see the arms sticking out of your belly! But I have faith that when you meet them in the real world you'll have no issues loving him! Lots of love!
I was thinking the same thing today. I think once I have my u/s and start feeling the kicks and punches I'll feel more bonded.
I remember when I first found out I would literally talk to my belly on a daily basis... until I found out it couldn't hear me until way later... yeah... that killed this pregnancy for me. I haven't felt quite as close ever since.
don't compare yourself too much to other people! i'm not all warm and fuzzy by any stretch. and i don't feel particulary bonded either. you will. it will all come together. this is the waiting part and it's hard. i know the sex, i feel the kicks but it's all still very abstract and unreal to me. we will still be good moms. everyone is different.
as far as the ultrasound, that stinks. i'm sorry.