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Advice/Vent post re: my mom
My mom is really getting to me with this particular subject, and every time I try to talk to her about anything "difficult" she ends the conversation immediately so she doesn't have to deal with it. I need to vent and get some input here.
When my parents decided to reconcile in 2002, my mom and I were both living in Dallas. She moved back up to AK to be with my dad, and gave me their old bedroom furniture (that she had in Dallas). It's really nice solid teak- a dresser, 2 nightstands, and a mirror. It's probably around 20 years old now, and it's in great condition. She didn't want to ship it up to AK because it's heavy and expensive, and she had no plans to return to TX ever (we didn't know Dad was sick yet). So she gave it to me, with no apparent intention of ever wanting it back.
FF to now, 8 years later-
She's now in a "happier state of mind" about the furniture (because, you know, she's been extremely distressed and unhappy since Dad died and it was too painful for her to think of using the dresser they shared), and would like to take it back. She didn't ask if she could have it, she just told me she was going to sell her current furniture and take mine.
Neither DH or I are okay with this, and when I tried to tell her this she got all huffy and upset and ended the conversation.
IF the furniture she was selling had the same pieces, I might be willing to trade, but it doesn't. It's nightstands and a bed. And I really like the furniture she wants to take; I always have.
Of course, she thinks that because she has an "emotional attachment" to it that that supersedes everything else. Never mind that I have somewhat of an attachment to it as well! I grew up with it, and I have ONE thing of my Dad's that he willed to me, because everything else he left me my mom either pawned or allowed to get stolen (I won't go into details here, but rest assured that this was 100% her fault).
She doesn't need it, but she wants it. At the very least it will leave us with nothing but a bed in our guest room, and we would have to spend money to replace it. Money we do not have. We have spent a TON of money helping her out down here, and I'm not inclined to spend any more because of her whims. If she had said "Here, you can use this until I need it again" that would be one thing, but that's not the case.
Am I out of line for not wanting her to take this furniture back?
It's such a delicate subject for her (anything she doesn't want to deal with is delicate) and I don't want to upset her, but at the same time I don't want to give this to her.
She was supposed to come over today, but I'm 99% sure she won't now because she's upset at me. That's her "way", which sucks because Hadley has been asking for her all morning. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice/Vent post re: my mom
I think that it comes down to the fact that she gave it to you - not to hold or use until she could get it. She gifted it to you. She has furniture now and isn't in need of it. She just wants it. I don't think it's fair for her to expect to get it back. Maybe her assumption was that she was letting you use it until she was ready for it - but it doesn't sound that way at all.
I would simply tell her no - that it was a gift, it means a lot to you b/c of your dad and that you aren't going to give it back. Then tell her if she wants to talk about it, you're more than willing to talk about it. Otherwise, end of discussion.
Precisely.
ditto!