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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
**Advice/Comments Please Come In**
So we were in the hospital for the entire 7 months of Matty's life so I got to know the Drs/Nurses/Everyone in the building really well. Fast forward 5 months from his passing and the Chaplin that was with us every step of the way has called and asked me to sit on a parents panel of a hospital wide bereavement training. They will have parents on the panel representing miscarraige, stillbirth and infant loss and we will be there to talk to the very physicians that worked with us and our respective children. It is supposed to be an open forum for them to ask us about our experiences with the staff and how they can improve practices/techniques and such for grieving families. I'm scared to death and truely honored at the same time, but thats for another post.
So what I need from all of you is the best and worst things that medical professionals involved in your loss could have or did do? I know that being on this panel is ultimately about my experience but I want to be able to offer more than just my opinion when they ask how they can improve.
JMA
2/26/09-9/28/09
MMA
11/22/10
This discussion has been closed.
Re: **Advice/Comments Please Come In**
The best: Getting the love and support from the nursing staff. Aidan had two nurses that requested to be with him and those two are angels in my book. They feel in love with my sweet boy and I needed that. We also had a great neurologist who was very supportive. She really helped us when we it was time to make the decision. She cried with us, held us and she told us that we changed her life.
The worst: The nicu dr was too blunt in my opinion. I didn't want anything sugar coated, but his bedside manner was horrible. After Aidan got his first ct scan he came in to talk to us. He started off by saying I can help Aidan from the neck down, but I don't really know how to read the scan. He showed us the scan and then made it seem like Aidan only had a few hours left (he was 3 days old at this time and lived for 8 days). We met with the neurologist later and she took the time to explain everything, but because of "Dr. Meanie" I was checked out and it took me a couple of hours before I could even go back to see Aidan.
The best: the NICU nurses (I have an exception below). They were doing everything they could to save Jillian, and they made sure that were being taken care of, eating, sleeping, etc. It was nice having our primary nurses and knowing that if they were working, they would be with Jillian. My nurses were also fantastic. Before and after Jillian died, they comforted me, some cried with me, they hugged me, they told me they were praying for Jillian, etc. One said some crappy things, but he was the exception.
Not great: the medical assistants coming in to check my vitals every three seconds after Jillian died. I understand they need to make sure I'm okay, but for the love of all that is holy, I don't need to have my temperature taken when I'm in the middle of sobbing my eyes out because my daughter died. I also didn't appreciate one of the NICU nurses asking me if I felt contractions before my water broke (I didn't feel anything and did not start having any contractions until well after I got to the hospital after my water broke) and saying "well, at least you'll know what they are next time" (which makes no sense because I didn't have them).
J was on my chest at the time. If she hadn't been, I probably would have at least screamed at her.
That makes sense
Best: My Dr told me my options and asked what I wanted to do. She didn't show any bias to one option over another until I made my decision (I took the meds). After I decided, then she said thats what she would do in my situation too.
Worst: Making me wait. The appointment when we were told I miscarried was a Wednesday evening. My Dr sent me to the hospital radiology to do a more high tech sonogram to be absolutely sure. By the time that was done, my Dr office was closed. I called first thing Thursday but they couldn't fit me in until Friday. I understand I am not their only patient but when I went in Friday, the appointment took all of 3 minutes. I really wish they could have squeezed me in Thursday morning, I needed to get it all over with as soon as I could.
I have such a minor experience compared to some of the ladies here, but I have to say that u/s techs should be trained at what to say if they can't find a heartbeat and need to go get the doctor. And doctors should be trained what to say about not finding a heartbeat and acknowledging the worst has happened. I am sure it's hard to deal with b/c you have a woman/couple coming in to see their baby and now you have to break this to them (and I am sure this also screws up the doc's daily schedule), but take some time to explain to the parent(s) what is happening, what will happen, and what the options are (natural m/c vs. d&c, etc.)
My u/s tech was like a scared rabbit running around and my doctor disappointed me with how business-like she was. They scheduled an u/s to confirm for a week later, and sent me home. While I appreciate the optimism, they left me having no idea what to expect if my body did start to m/c or what I needed to do to save tissue, etc. I left with no education and no plan whatsoever.
I've learned more from you ladies here than from my doctor, and I don't think that's the way it should be.
Harper Oksana, born on her due date, January 20, 2011, and the love of my life
Best: 1) While laying on the operating table waiting for my d&c to begin, I noticed that every nurse/doctor that walked into the room looked at me in the eye and acknowledged me on the table with a "Hello". They were all busy doing what their function in the operating room was but I appreciated being acknowledged as a person- and not just another task to do that day.
2) I appreciated how many nurses told me that they too had suffered a miscarriage before. I knew that they were genuine in their comments and their experience and that they truely knew what I was going through. I felt like I was talking to a friend as they held my hand and told me about their losses and their current children (which gave me hope in a dark time).
Worst: As pp said - I would have liked for the u/s tech to have been able to say something. Although I knew what was happening as soon as she dimmed the screen - it would have been nice if she could have explained that there wasn't a heartbeat and to have shown me where it should have been seen. Instead, I had only a quick glimpse at my baby and worried that perhaps she had made a mistake. Luckily, I did get a second u/s (due to extrememly high hcg levels) so I was able to ask the questions and to see my little bean one last time.
I so agree with everything you said. The u/s tech did a piss poor job of communicating any sympathy or concern for us. She was too busy gossipping with the office staff across the hall while having the internal probe shoved up inside of me. It was awful. And my doctor was too matter of fact about things.
The hospital staff, on the other hand, was amazing before/during/after my d&c. They acknowledged that I had lost a child and that it wasn't some medical hiccup. They all shared their condolences with us. They showed genuine concern. I am so thankful for them.