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Success after IF
How important is Money to you?
We are not ones to worry about a lot of "stuff" we live on not a ton of money, and do not have anymore cc debt, but I would not say we are very financially comfortable. We pay all bills each month, and put some in savings, but are not ones to afford nice vacations.
We live in an older smallish home, and are slowly doing our own upgrades, both DH and I drive used, modest cars, and we only go out to eat once every, or every other week.
I read a lot on the boards about other's financial situations, and I have to remind myself that more than likely they are inflating the reality.
I also must say that I would not for a second trade having my children for a larger home, newer cars, or fewer money concerns.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How important is Money to you?
I think that having some extra money would eliminate some of my worries, but we are in basically the same boat as you. Our cars are early-2000s, paid off, just paid off our CC debt, but we still have our mortgage and a buttload of student loans.
This house was all we could afford before A--and will likely be our home for years to come unless we hit it big!!
It sounds like we're in a really similar situation to you (although we do still have a year of car payments for DH - wouldn't if his last car hadn't been totalled, though).
I'm more or less happy with where we are. I wish we had money to get new carpet (or make a new baby!) but I don't lament that we're not going on exotic vacations or live in a spanking new house. DH gets down about it, though, and wishes we had more expendable income.
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This is something I've thought a lot about over the past few years. My exhusband was really into stuff... the big house, the nice electronics, the luxury cars, etc. I liked it, too. It was fun to go out and buy stuff, etc. But, the reality was that even with both of us having good jobs, it wasn't a sustainable lifestyle and it started to stress us both out. I felt like we were living for that dang house payment after awhile. I never want to end up like that again.
These days, I'm with someone who I think has much more sustainable ideas about money, and it has helped me to kind of solidify my own values. We own two homes, one of which is rented out, but neither are big showy homes in the 'burbs. We bought our home with the plan to renovate it to make it fit our family, which we're doing now, but even once we've done that it will be comfortable, not fancy. We drive cars that are 2005-2006 models. I sale shop. We have a strict budget. But, part of why we do that is so that we CAN go on a lot of vacations, and remodel the house, and even do IVF without going into debt. So, I guess we're something of a mix. We like nice things, but I, at least, am learning to find what is really important to me and to my family and ensure my money goes THERE. So, we spend a fair amount of money on things, but not stupid stuff that doesn't matter.... just stuff that DOES matter to us.
Also, we have the plan to do a lot of this now so that we can focus more on saving over the next few years. Ultimately, we're interested in retiring early, starting a business, or just having the freedom not to work. So, this is sort of our "building" year, and then we'll have a lot of years of battening down the hatches. But, still, the idea remains that we want to spend our money on what matters to us, and sometimes that is fun stuff. It needs to be a balance, not an either/or.
I'm not really understanding/ following how you are coming to the conclusion that people are inflating/ lying about their financial situation.
Especially since you said we shouldn't be judging others on the post about affording treatment.
This statement is very judgmental, accusatory, and quite frankly rude to those of us on the board that are in a pretty good financial situation (as you are suggesting that we really aren?t ? we are just faking it on the boards).
We aren't really struggling by any means now, but we are making sacrifices so that I can work part-time. I would love to have more money only so that I could be a SAHM... that's just not possible with our current financial situation.
Money has never been that important to me... I didn't grow up with much money, but you would never know it by the way my mom took care of us (in fact, I didn't realize how little we had until I was older). However, it is hard sometimes to see our friends purchasing bigger houses, better cars, taking vacations, going out to eat, etc and not be a little jealous. It would be nice to not have to consider money before making every decision. On the other hand, DH and I are happy and we have a beautiful daughter, so I don't need much more. As long as we're able to afford things for DD (both her needs and some wants
) then I'm happy.
i love that we don't have to worry about money. but mh and i have made a very conscious decision to live modestly compared to how we "could" live. while we both like "stuff" we aren't defined by it and really only occasionally treat ourselves to things, small or large.
when we bought our home we decided on an older smaller fixer upper that we could make our own vs. a large mcmansion. we chose to live in a town we consider more down to earth and diverse vs. "fancier" surrounding towns where big houses = status. this was a lifestyle decision as we want our children raised not wanting for anything but to not have a sense of entitlement. it's also a "green" thing as i don't think we will ever be ones to live in a 5,000 sq ft home, we just like having a smaller carbon foot print and living as efficiently as possible.
the one way i will say we splurge is on our trips. we don't always go all out but we love to travel to unique destinations and have experiential vacations which is not always the most budget way to travel. i am also more of a spender than mh. he never spends any money on himself while i do like to have nicer clothes, shoes and handbags. before we were married i was a much more frivolous shopper than i am now, i still buy high end things but am much pickier and end up buying much less quantity wise.
mh and i have both worked incredibly hard for our success but don't see fancy cars and flashy things as good ways to express our pride in our success. we rather keep reinvesting so that not only will we never have to worry about debt but hopefully our children wont either.
I don't think people really inflate their financial situation on here.
It is kinda about decisions. Some people want to take lavish vacations multiple times a year and live in a modest house. Some want to spend that money to get pregnant - or we have no choice. Some want to live in a super nice house and not go on that many vacations. It is all about priorities. Some people would rather live in a OK house and send their child to private school. Everyone makes choices. Yes, some people have less choices because of the amount of money they make, but most people can live within their means.
Some people live month to month and some save a lot. Some people drive a car for awhile and some need a new car every 2 years. Some people both partners work and some choose not to.
It's ok. It is just life decisions and priorities.
we have no bad debt & very healthy savings accounts. we both work FT & rarely spend big.
so we're more than comfortable- we're not planning on jetting off to aruba 3x a year or anything- but we have more than enough to meet our needs & that's while driving nicer cars, a new home & the things we want.
we're very good with money & refuse to spend above our means. we've also both worked our asses off our entire lives in order to be debt free & stay that way.
it's very important to us to have excellent credit & money for whatever may come up.
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My husband works very hard at his career and provides a good life for his family. Of course I like the material things. Who wouldn't? I like vacations and our nice house.
Does this mean I value these things more than my family? NO! I know you didn't mean it like this - but this post comes off as people who have nice things value those things more than their kids. And - why do you assume that people are inflating it?
ETA: I re-read your OP, and I feel like I jumped to quickly. There wasn't anything wrong with what you posted. I shouldn't have taken away what I did from it. Sorry for my first response : )
My DH and I lived well below are means for quite some time while saving. Our house was small and it was ok for the two of us. We now moved once we had a baby.
We both make good money, but money isn't important to us. We just live within our means. We both choose to work because it is enjoyable to us (most days).
We are a one income family and in Maine, it's very hard to do that. I've been thinking of going back to work lately so that we can live more comfortably. The income/cost of living ratio here is a little scary.
While we do have some in savings, it's not a lot and we would like not to dip into that for IF treatments, but will probably have to as we are thinking about doing them in May.
We live in an old house that needs to be fixed up, and we both have modest cars (one which is paid off, one isn't). We, however, are not house poor which is nice. Hopefully we will get a good deal out of this house someday!
But, I guess my answer is, I would be happier if we had more money, yes.
Why would you make this assumption? If I told you we were well off and have lots of nice things (material things such as the "big house", nice cars, etc.) and don't worry about money because we have a very sizable savings, emergency fund, and close to zero debt you would assume I was inflating reality?
I'm not looking to pick a fight just trying to understand where you are coming from.
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I like having enough that I don't have to worry about it, but it's not important to me that I have a flashy life.
We're smart with our money, we don't live beyond our means, we save a lot (hoping for an early retirement for DH), and we appreciate what we have.
We live very comfortably (thanks to my husband) and I like nice things, but I grew up with NOTHING so I also know the value of a dollar. And I want my children to have more than I had. And this may be flameworthy to some, but there aer certain things we want for our children (private school education and paying for college, for instance) which have led us to the decision to limit our family to two children, at the most. I'm not saying these things are necessary, but it's what we choose for our family.
ETA: And, for the record, I think you're wrong that "most" people exaggerate their financial situation. There may be a few wackadoos that do, for whatever reason, but I think most people here are pretty genuine, and I'm not sure what would lead you to believe otherwise.
I don't think this is flameworthy at all. This is our choice as well. We will only have two children. My mom had 4 and we saved a lot but as kids we didn't have much. I want to have a good life for my kids (not saying others don't, just saying that when I was little I felt poor). Not that there is anything wrong with having 5 kids, but again, it is your life choices/decisions.
Not flameworthy. We feel the same way about education. You know what you want for your family and you do everything you can to make it happen. That is praiseworthy!
I don't think this is flame worthy at all. We have a similar philosophy as we have the same wants for our children.
A certain level of money is important to me--because my DH makes what he does, I am able to stay at home with our son. I was very mindful when I got married to marry a man who would be able to support our future family while I stayed home with the children (now child). A man of good character who is genuine, loving, caring and funny were important too. . . but the ability to provide was also of value and on my "list".
That said, I have never been on a fancy vacation without my parents. We go out to eat, and buy smaller items, but our furniture is from our single days. We are slowly replacing it with "real" furniture. We rent because we move so often that buying is not a smart option. We have newer cars because my DH really like cars, but we are keeping our current vehicles until they are paid off (if not longer). We are building our savings.
Do I value money? Hell yes. Do we have as much as we'd like? No! But, we are comfortable with what we have and strive to do better to ensure a good future for ourselves and our son.
I remember when I first came on the nest (BOTB), being amazed at what at least SEEMED like the average house (I don't know if people still do it now, but back then on that board people posted pics of their houses in their bios.). They were all gorgeous!! Everything anyone could ever want, beautifully decorated with brand new furnishings, etc. Maybe they're in debt up to their eyeballs, who knows.
Anyway...our life is more like yours. Very modest. And that stuff isn't a priority for us. It'd be nice to have, but heck, I wouldn't mind buying myself a new outfit first! It's been a (long) while! Really, the only thing we splurge on is food & wine (and I mean what we buy & bring home...don't go out much anymore).
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I remember this, too. It took me a while to remind myself that people have different (not bad or good) priorities (and, of course, live in different areas). We could never have one of those "average houses" - *but* we choose to live within x miles of our jobs and pay a premium to do so. My sister and her husband put a lot of emphasis on square footage and newness, and don't care much about location
Also, some people are also more willing to go into debt than others, put less emphasis on saving, etc.
Anyway, maybe this is kind of what the OP meant . . .
I am in sort of a different situation when it comes to money because I inheratied some when my mother passed away 8 yrs ago. She came from a fairly well off family and when she died it was put into trust for my brother and I. I didn't have to worry about paying for college or grad school. And was able to have the wedding that I have always dreamed of.
Everything else I have had to work for. I am not one of those spoiled trust fund kids who gets nices cars and shops all day. DH and I both work, I don't drive a super nice car and DH and I rent our current house because we don't want to own (FL market is terrible) and we don't know if we are staying here. We don't go on crazy vacations and spend friviously. The rest of this money is a nest egg, that I can use if I choose to stay home with my children or I can use to help send them to college or private school.
Now, would I GIVE back that money in a second not to have the image in my brain of seeing my mother on her death bed. Does it kill me that she didn't get to see me get marrield and won't get to see her grandchildren. YES. But, I am not going to apologize for what I have and I also don't think it is fair for ANYONE to judge how others live/and or choose to spend there money. We don't know what others have gone through or sacraficed for what they have.
I'm also confused about why people would inflate reality. I've never been terribly spendy - it drives my MIL nuts that we try to live below our means - but I enjoy nice things and I work my butt off to pay for them. I always have.
Money is certainly not more important to me than my family, but it is important to me to be able to provide for my family. I make more than my DH and if either of us decided to be a stay at home parent, it would be him. This may be flameworthy, but I feel like my abilities/work ethic are a gift and its important to me that I cover most of our expenses, because I'm the one that can (and still maintain a reasonable work/life balance).
So I guess I don't know how to answer your question - it's not the most important thing in the world to me and I would gladly give up my job, my house, my car, etc. if I thought it would be better for DH and our little one on the way, BUT I still think money is important if it means I can give my DH and little guy a better life.
I'm lurking, but just had to say this is one of the smartest things I've read about this topic today.
My husband works VERY hard to provide for us, and we spend our money with great frugalness. We'll ALWAYS choose a getaway over a new(er) car, we drink cheap wine, we buy a LOT of stuff pre-owned, and use coupons to dine out, etc... and he does smart things with his investments and savings.
His bottom line is: "We're not taking it (money) with us. Might as well enjoy it now." I'm sure someone people think "Oh yea, they went around the world for 6 months and now she's freaking cuz IF is OOP..." but you don't know the deal behind that trip. You don't know how our money is budgeted now or then. So one could EASILY judge us on the surface.
There's an Amanda Marshall song I LOVE... "Everyone's got a story... that woman, she just lost her mother, and that taxi driver's got a PhD. "
So yeah. To each their own.
I think money is important to everyone. but it's how you choose to spend it.... no one can judge that, it's subjective.
I've always loved how wise you are!!!
All of this exactly. We have a decent home/car but not nearly as nice as others in our financial situation. We choose to live less luxuriously and to save a lot just in case and to pay down debt (student loans are our only debt other than the but they're hefty). We like to use our extra $ to travel, eat out and do other "experiential" things, and it's nice to be able to buy clothes and stuff when I want.
I'm not sure what kind of responses were expected here. I don't think anyone, regardless of financial situation, would trade their children for nicer lifestyles...and I don't think people lie about their finances here, what would be the point?
Money is not that important to me, but I live comfortably. I've never had to worry about paying the bills. I think if I were in a different situation, I would feel differently. For me - as long as I have enough to live comfortably (pay my bills, go out and do things I want to do, roof over my head, etc) then I'm okay with that.
I've actually talked with DH about taking a lower paying job at some point if my work/life balance is out of whack.
Both DH and I are very conservative so we always underspend. Right now, I wish I was comfortable with "buying more" because we're about to move and I'd love to get my "dream house" but I'm too cautious to spend the money on it!
I'd say that yes, money is important to me, but not for flashy things. For me, it is all about security. My dad died when I was 8 years old and my mom was left with 5 kids. Luckily, my parents were smart in the decisions they made with their money , and we were okay. My mom struggled to make ends meet, and looking back, I am not sure how she did it, but she did. We did no have much, but we had enough.
For me, it is imperative that we have a good deal of money in savings and investments. I may just be scarred from my childhood, but I need to know that God forbid something happened to my DH, my child and I will be okay. Therefore, we own our home, it is smaller than I would like, and I am sure at some point we will upgrade, but for now it affords us to save substantially and not carry any debt. It is also one of the reasons why I have chosen not to be a SAHM.
We do enjoy traveling and it is important to me to be able to travel with our son. That is something I did not have as a child and really want for my son. While I do not want to privately school my kids ( no offense to those who do, but H and I are both public school teachers
), I do feel strongly about about paying for college. There was NO money for my schooling and because I knew I needed a masters degree for the profession I wanted, I had to choose a school for affordability , rather than where I really wanted to go. I do not want my child to have to worry about that and have to be worried about being saddled with tons of loans.
I think others have said it best, it is all about what is a priority to you. Some may judge me not wanting to be a SAHM, but that is just a decision that I know will work best for our family.
Is money important yes, because I need the security of knowing that we can plan for retirement and pay our bills and also afford to save for DS college and have at least one more child. DH and I don't drive fancy cars, one is paid off and the other will be next year and we plan to drive our cars into the ground because cars aren't important to us. We save a lot for retirement and our only debt is the one car note, a mortgage and DH SLs (which are huge).
While I don't want a bigger house, I do wish it was in a better location to better schools and we plan to move in 4 years so DS can go to a better school in our district. Do I wish I had more money, yes but we manage. DH is getting a second job to cover the SL that starts in May until he can find a higher paying job because we would rather do it this way then take away from our retirement accounts. We are making the best decisions we can for now. DH just finished law school and hopefully he will find a better paying job soon. We want to start saving for DS college and get life insurance this year, so we are cutting back in areas and putting things in place so that we can do this by the end of the year because this is a priority for us.
I think people have diffent priorities and lifestyle choices. We don't know how hard or long they have worked to get where they are or what sacrafices they have had to make along the way. I think money is important to everyone because it is the means by which we can live the way we choose. People choose to spend and save differently, I don't think it is anyone right to judge how people choose to spend their money.
After a loss at 13wks and years dealing with IF and failed treatments (3 failed IUI and 1 failed IVF), we have been blessed with DS (surprise BFP) and now his little sister (2nd round of clomid and TI) on her way.
My DH and I both came from families without a lot of money (me single mom, him blue collar workers) Fortunately, we both learned the value of money and what things are most important to us. We are lucky that DH's parents sacraficed a lot to help give him a good education and after years of hard work and our own sacrafices, we are now very financially stable. We like a few others have said, live well below our means. Yes, we splurge here and there but within limitations. What is most important to us is having savings and investments for the future and that is where we focus our money.
So in some areas we could be seen as cheap while frivilous in others. But we are smart about our money and know it could all change at any minute. Of course money is important, but not as important as our marriage, our happiness, our children, and so on.
As far as others are concerned, some people have lots of money and like to talk about it, others have no money and like to talk about it. And then there are many people in between. I don't worry about the financial situation of other people just my family.