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Getting excited about BFP after miscarriages?

SKM1111SKM1111
in TTC After a Loss

Hi all, I don't post here, but figured this was the best place to put some of my feelings out there.

I've had two early miscarriages since we started TTC #2. I am currently on 10 DPO and am dreading taking a HPT in a few days. I am dreading it being negative and also it being positive. Both times we were elated. And both times our elation turned to devastation.

If I'm pregnant this time or in the months to come, I don't think we'll tell anyone for weeks. And I'm sure everyone here has similar concerns. I just know that I will be a nervous wreck until I hear that heartbeat. In fact, I don't think I will be able to really enjoy any early stage of my pregnancy. I hate feeling this way. I hate being scared. I just can't fight off that feeling.

Thanks for letting me vent here. 

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Re: Getting excited about BFP after miscarriages?

  • redstars93redstars93 member

    If you don't post here, why would you vent here??

    How would you feel if I showed up at your door and biitched about my cold and then walked away??

    WTF

    Momma to three boys: Henry - 4yo Alex - 18mo Jack - born 2/23/12 at 20w due to ruptured uterus (previa and accreta resulting in hysterectomy) He only lived here on Earth for an hour, but he will live in our hearts forever. m/c #1: sept '09, m/c #2: july '10
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  • LLRTLLRT member

    So sorry about your losses. You have valid concerns that many people have in this situation.

    Hugs

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  • Olive44Olive44 member
    I think we can all relate to this feeling.  I can't wait for my next BFP, but I will be scared shiitless the whole time.  I think someone said it best when they said "our innocence is gone when it comes to pregnancy."
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  • Texas77againTexas77again member

    ok, thanks for sharing. 

    please do us a favor...if you do get a bfp, post it on PgAL.  sorry for your losses.

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  • SKM1111SKM1111

    Wow, redstars, I am sorry for offending you so.

    I only "vented" here because no one IRL knows we are actively trying to conceive much less that we've suffered two losses.

    I've posted on my local board a few times about this, but no one knows what I'm going through better than the "TTC after a loss" board. I didn't realize you had to be a regular over here to seek some solace from ladies who've been there.

    Maybe an introduction first to allow me to post here and lessen your animosity toward me? My name is Sarah. My husband is Mike. We have a two year old. And I am scared out of my mind that I can never have another baby.

    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • trendymomtrendymom
    i am sorry for your losses!
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  • redstars93redstars93 member
    imageSKM1111:

    Wow, redstars, I am sorry for offending you so.

    I only "vented" here because no one IRL knows we are actively trying to conceive much less that we've suffered two losses.

    I've posted on my local board a few times about this, but no one knows what I'm going through better than the "TTC after a loss" board. I didn't realize you had to be a regular over here to seek some solace from ladies who've been there.

    Maybe an introduction first to allow me to post here and lessen your animosity toward me? My name is Sarah. My husband is Mike. We have a two year old. And I am scared out of my mind that I can never have another baby.

    Hi Sarah, I am very sorry for your losses. It's just weird to see someone post about how they never post here but they still want support.

    I am biitchy and cranky today.

    Momma to three boys: Henry - 4yo Alex - 18mo Jack - born 2/23/12 at 20w due to ruptured uterus (previa and accreta resulting in hysterectomy) He only lived here on Earth for an hour, but he will live in our hearts forever. m/c #1: sept '09, m/c #2: july '10
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  • SKM1111SKM1111

    Thanks RedStars

    I just didn't know where else to post. GOOD luck to you on your TTC journey!!

    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • redstars93redstars93 member
    imageSKM1111:

    Thanks RedStars

    I just didn't know where else to post. GOOD luck to you on your TTC journey!!

    This board is awesome and full of amazing women. If you don't get your BFP this month, you should stick around. GL!

    Momma to three boys: Henry - 4yo Alex - 18mo Jack - born 2/23/12 at 20w due to ruptured uterus (previa and accreta resulting in hysterectomy) He only lived here on Earth for an hour, but he will live in our hearts forever. m/c #1: sept '09, m/c #2: july '10
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  • babygirlpriestbabygirlpriest

    Hi Sarah,

    1. I am so very sorry to hear about your losses.
    2. You son is simply adorable.
    3. Lately we've had quite a few people post an introduction announcing they think they're preg... then the next day post a BFP. Or an introduction by way of a BFP announcement. I'm sure you understand it feels like a bit of a slap in the face when a stranger annouces a BFP.

    I hope you'll stick around and get to know us. This is an amazing group of smart, funny and most of all supportive women. If you do decide to stay, just remember the rule of thumb here is you have to give support to get support. If not then I hope your TTC journey is very short and that you'll be on PGAL very soon.

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  • heathergirl67heathergirl67 member
    That's the sad thing.  None of us will be 100% excited when get a BFP for the rest of our lives.  There will always be a little bit of worry, anxiety, and dread mixed in.  The mantra that many people use is, "My desire to have another baby is greater than my fear of another loss."  Or something like that.  Good luck!
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  • northshore25northshore25
    I agree. I am going to be so cautious about getting a BFP and then with every pregnant related emotion after. I hate being scared to be pregnant too. GL to you.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP Oct. 2010-MC & D&C Dec. 2010 BFP March 2011-Cooper born Dec. 6, 2011 weighing 9 lbs 1/2 oz. Suprise BFP May 27th 2012 - Sawyer born Jan. 20, 2013 weighing 8 lbs 9 oz. ?
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  • northshore25northshore25
    PS. your son is so adorable!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP Oct. 2010-MC & D&C Dec. 2010 BFP March 2011-Cooper born Dec. 6, 2011 weighing 9 lbs 1/2 oz. Suprise BFP May 27th 2012 - Sawyer born Jan. 20, 2013 weighing 8 lbs 9 oz. ?
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  • Erin RNErin RN
    I'm sorry for your loss. Its funny that you posted about this because I've been feeling this way all day. I think its a way of "protecting" myself. I just don't find myself getting as excited right now as I did last time. With the CP, I didn't have time to get excited. Everything happened so fast and I really didn't know what had happened until later. Last time I was so excited from day 1. This time I'm happy but very cautious. I'm sure once I know everything is okay, I'll be able to get excited. I just hope that day comes soon!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Babywearing, cloth diapering, formula and breastmilk feeding, still can't believe I'm a mom, momma to my little man, two furbabies, and two angel babies.
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