an etiquette question for this board

janjag · February 2010

i have a question about how bad news is handled on this board.

while going through IVF i spent alot of time on another message board. then when i got pg, i graduated to the board for ladies who were pg or raising children after IVF. many of us went through multiple cycles. many of us became facebook friends to keep in touch even though we don't visit that message board much anymore. i guess in a way, a more "intimate" board, if that's possible in cyberspace.

when posting a reply to someone's bad news (a failed ivf cycle, a m/c, etc) it was expected that you would temporarily remove your happy news ticker, and/or your picture of your baby. it was a sign of respect, and a recognition that a person going through a tough time wouldn't need to see a pic of your gorgeous kids or need to see you are 22wks along... kwim?

maybe this site isn't set up to easily do that. i have a hard time figuring out how to add new pictures here... anyway i'm wondering what some other people think about this issue.

janjag · February 2010

MrsLee04:
I understand the gesture as a concept, but it wouldn't work on the nest/bump because as soon as you put them back in they will reappear in the sad post. You can't pick and choose which posts you have siggies in or not. So once you put them back in, the person can look back at their post and still see the pics and tickers of others.

ok, that makes sense. too bad though. the bump is so great b/c there are so many participants and so many points of view. but it is also set up to be less intimate... you can't reply directly to one person (w/e-mail notification) and this issue of responding to sad posts. have also seen people being mean/cliquey (sp?) at times. nothing's perfect

jalaiaa · February 2010

janjag:
MrsLee04:
I understand the gesture as a concept, but it wouldn't work on the nest/bump because as soon as you put them back in they will reappear in the sad post. You can't pick and choose which posts you have siggies in or not. So once you put them back in, the person can look back at their post and still see the pics and tickers of others.
ok, that makes sense. too bad though. the bump is so great b/c there are so many participants and so many points of view. but it is also set up to be less intimate... you can't reply directly to one person (w/e-mail notification) and this issue of responding to sad posts. have also seen people being mean/cliquey (sp?) at times. nothing's perfect

Isn't it funny that even in cyberspace there are cliques. I think it is so crazy. Se la vi.

macchiatto · February 2010

Yeah, I wish it were possible to remove your siggy just from certain posts. I know on other boards I'm on, people can set it so they don't see anyone's siggies, whether because of loading time or if they are going through a difficult time. Is that possible on the Bump?

pea-kay · February 2010

I know what you mean. I feel terrible keeping my sig up in certain posts, but unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it unless you remove your sig altogether, forever.

TDM · February 2010

I usually avoid posting on some boards/posts particularly for this reason.

I am on another site like what you're referring to (FT, for short) and they automatically hide your siggy on certain boards out of respect.

Yet another site I'm on just gives you the option to remove it from certain posts.

groovygrl · February 2010

you can private message in case anyone didnt mention it- you click on 'contact' at the bottom of a person's post. i dont know how to do it if you dont have a post from them in front of you tho...

Temp6313048411121614 · February 2010

MrsLee04:
I understand the gesture as a concept, but it wouldn't work on the nest/bump because as soon as you put them back in they will reappear in the sad post. You can't pick and choose which posts you have siggies in or not. So once you put them back in, the person can look back at their post and still see the pics and tickers of others.

This. Also, unfortunately there's sad news often so people would be adding deleting siggy's every few days. I wish this wasn't an issue and nobody ever had to write a bad post (don't we all wish that).

janjag · February 2010

Aussie*s_Mom:

MrsLee04:
I understand the gesture as a concept, but it wouldn't work on the nest/bump because as soon as you put them back in they will reappear in the sad post. You can't pick and choose which posts you have siggies in or not. So once you put them back in, the person can look back at their post and still see the pics and tickers of others.

This. Also, unfortunately there's sad news often so people would be adding deleting siggy's every few days. I wish this wasn't an issue and nobody ever had to write a bad post (don't we all wish that).

i think it's just the way this site is set up... a technical thing. on the other board i used you could very easily remove parts of your siggie, or pics. for individual posts. then the very next time you posted the info would automatically reappear with no action required on your part.

Leigh71 · February 2010

I wish they had that option (to block your siggy on certain replies/posts). When I was on another website for those who were grieving a miscarriage....there was this one gal who always posted on everything!!

She was so blunt in her responses. If that wasn't bad enough she had a huge siggy picture of her healthy baby girl. And when I say huge, it was so big you had to scroll forever to get past the large photograph. It was so hard to see her on all the posts. Especially when I had been TTC for 12 years.

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