Did anyone else just "know"?

Winter*Mommy · February 2010

We tried for 5 months to get pregnant and 13 months with no contraception. In that 5 month time, I got one BFP, the next day a BFN and started my period a few days later (I figured a faulty test or a CP).... so I thought for sure I would be elated when we finally got a real BFP, but from that very first moment, I never could shake the feeling that something was wrong. I was excited and cried tears of joy, obviously... but in the back of my mind, I was worried. It wasn't the same as the normal worry that you have during pregnancy... it was much more and I would often find myself wondering how I would tell DH that we were losing the baby if/when the time came. When I started spotting, I thought, "Oh no, it really is happening." It was still shocking, but it was like in the back of my mind, I knew it was going to happen and the inevitable was playing out.

I fell down the stairs about 6 days after I ovulated (around the time of implantation) and I remember thinking, "OH NO, if this was a successful cycle, this may not end well." I don't know if it was because I fell that it was in the back of my mind a miscarriage could happen, or if it was just an innate knowledge that I knew the worst was yet to come.

I loved dreaming about our next baby, telling DD and DS about the baby and thinking of a nursery, breastfeeding, late nights, etc... but something in the back of my mind just held me back from completely embracing the pregnancy. I almost feel guilty for thinking that because it sounds like I didn't LOVE the baby, but I STILL love the baby with all of my heart and I can't wait to see him/her in Heaven.

When we told family at Christmas, I was cautious and nervous - not the normal "We're pregnant!!!! Ahhhh!". We told DH's family first and were going to tell mine the next week, but MIL put the news in her Christmas card and sent it to 200+ people after I'd asked her to keep it a secret. We were only 6 weeks pregnant and just not ready for the masses to know.... when I found out she told that many people (including sending the letter to my parents), I cried for 2 hours - I cried out of frustration at the situation, sadness that I wasn't able to tell my parents myself and that they had to read it in MILs letter, anger at the insensitivity, fear that I was ONLY 6 weeks at the time and I even wondered what she would do if we lost the baby. That thought rocked me because I felt like I shouldn't be thinking it, but I couldn't shake it.

For those that have had subsequent pregnancies after a loss, did you have the same feelings for fear of it happening again, or was it back to the normal pregnancy worry? Did anyone else feel like you just "knew"?

laura&dan05 · February 2010

First off I'm so sorry for your loss and I CANNOT believe that your MIL put the news in her Christmas card. I would be furious! I sure hope she took the time to contact all of those people after your loss to let them know. The part about your parents finding out in your MILs Christmas card is so unfair to you! Your MIL sure has me fired up this morning! I'm so upset for you!

Yep, I knew with both of my pg losses that something wasn't right. With my first pg I had nothing to compare it to but I felt like something wasn't right. I don't know how else to describe it. I called and asked for an earlier u/s (by a few days) and that's when we were told there was no fetal pole. I knew in that moment that I was going to lose the baby. We had to wait a week or so for a second u/s but I just knew that things weren't going to turn out well. When we got the news at the 2nd u/s that it was a blighted ovum my DH looked at me and said "you knew all along didn't you?" and I did but I had no idea how to tell him that I lost all hope for a positive outcome after the 1st u/s. It's not something I could put into words.

When I was pg with dd after the first u/s when we saw the h/b I didn't have any anxiety or weird feelings about the pg. She was the result of 23 months of ttc and IVF. I started announcing it, buying maternity clothes and taking weekly belly pictures. I was still cautious but that goes along with trying for so long. I worried at times but I didn't have a "bad feeling" about the pg.

This past pg was a surprise and from the start I felt like something wasn't right. It started out with my dates being really off and I was afraid I ovulated a "rotten egg." Even after we saw the h/b my DH was over the moon excited and I just couldn't believe it. I thought it might be the shock of getting pg without fertility treatments and with dd being so young but the anxiety continued. I brought it up to my OB and went in for 2 extra u/s to confirm everything was ok. I didn't have any bleeding, cramping or spotting to worry me but I just had a feeling. I don't have any belly pictures and I wasn't excited to look at maternity clothes. I wasn't comfortable announcing the pg and wasn't showing a lot but was trying to hide it. That is so unlike me. When I went in for one of my "anxiety u/s" my mom asked why I was going again and I told her I felt like something was wrong and she told me to stop worying and that everything was going to be just fine. When we went for our 12 week u/s (NT scan) I was finally ready to accept the pg and put all my fears at easy and enjoy it. That's when we got the news that something was wrong. I knew things weren't going to end well as soon as we got the news. 5 days after that we got the news the baby had T18 and 5 days after that we learned the baby had died and I was having a D&E.

I don't EVER want to feel that way again when I'm pg! It's a weird thing to describe to people but I guess I was following my instinct.

ali26 · February 2010

That is so terrible, I can't believe your MIL. I am so sorry for your loss.

I have only been pregnant once (natural m/c @ 6w5d) but I had that feeling that something was wrong starting the day before it happened. I hadn't told many people since it was so early but now I feel like if/when I am pg again I will have a hard time believing things are ok until I at least make it past the 1st tri.

jcath · February 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes yes yes I so felt like something was wrong with this pregnancy - except oddly all my tests were really good. We saw the heartbeat super early, my HCG and progesterone levels were great. My NT scan results came back great. Even though I was almost 18 weeks I still hadn't told alot of people and I hardly bought anything.

I also had a weird dream just before the appt where we found out there no longer was a heartbeat and the dream just mimicked what happened in that appt. I think maybe our bodies know more than our minds let us take in.

AppleRidge · February 2010

I am so sorry you had to deal with your MIL's insanity on top of everything else. Like PP poster said, I hope you have put the responsibility on her to untell each and every one so you don't have to deal with the inevitable questions down the road.

With my first pg, I felt like things were going to be ok until I saw some spotting. I knew at that point that we were going to be told there was no h/b at our 9w u/s. I also knew from the start with my c/p. With this last m/c, I felt an immediate sense of calm right from the start, like everything was going to be ok. I think I might have just been misinterpreting the feeling that it was all out of my control and the only thing I could feel was hopeful.

uklawgirl · February 2010

Aw I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the horrible circumstances that just make it all that much harder to bear. Some people!!

I am just starting my natural m/c so I haven't been through *everything* yet, but I did not tell anyone, except my hairdresser because my hair appointment was 2 days before my first u/s and I didn't want him to dye my hair. I didn't tell anyone, and we were sitting in the doctor's office on Monday and I just knew that we weren't going to see the heartbeat. I tried to warn my DH by telling him I was nervous and he just said "oh no it will be fine." He was surprised and I was not surprised at all.

simbajsp · February 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot believe your MIL! I would be so angry, too.

I didn't really know what to expect with my loss because it was my first time being pregnant, but I did really start to worry when I saw some spotting. I kept trying to tell myself that it was normal. When I went into the the first u/s they said I was measuring behind, and so immediately I started worrying. Even though I didn't want to believe it, I just "knew" my pregnancy wasn't going to end well. It took the second ultrasound to confirm it, but deep down I had already come to that conclusion on my own.

((HUGS))

bmp84 · February 2010

OMG, I would have strangled my MIL if she did that...

A lot of people found out before we were ready because a few people that we told leaked it all over FB, so we eventually put a little annoucement on there to clear it all up. I spent my whole pregnancy not letting myself think anything but positive thoughts because I couldn't handle even thinking of having another loss. I almost wish I had mentally prepared myself for it being a possibility.

::hugs::

mrsmorris1 · February 2010

I'm sorry for your loss and for your mil's insensitivity.

I somehow knew that things were going to end badly with this pg. I had super light spotting one day and when I went to bed that night I knew we were going to miscarry. I reached over and held my husband's hand while we fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to tell him.

My first ultrasound was scheduled for the next day and I woke up to red blood and clots. They confirmed that I had lost the baby and I began to miscarry naturally. I ended up in the hospital with an emergency d&c 4 days later due to hemorraging. It's been a nightmare but I somehow have peace about it--maybe because I was almost expecting it.

rosstobe · February 2010

I totally knew, maybe two days after we found out. I knew the cramps and things I was feeling was not normal...I guess I really knew that night when I woke up to a huge sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Besides the physical, I just had a feeling something was wrong...

L&T4/8/06 · February 2010

With my first m/c I was still hopeful when the spotting started. With DS I was a nutcase in the beginning, but felt positive most of the time. With this last one as soon as I saw a drop of brown spotting, I knew it wasn't good. All the books say spotting is Ok, but I just knew it was the end for us.

Winter*Mommy · February 2010

L&T4/8/06:
With my first m/c I was still hopeful when the spotting started. With DS I was a nutcase in the beginning, but felt positive most of the time. With this last one as soon as I saw a drop of brown spotting, I knew it wasn't good. All the books say spotting is Ok, but I just knew it was the end for us.

I felt the same way about the spotting. I didn't spot with my other two pregnancies, so when I saw it, it just became fact - I was miscarrying and it was a done deal.

I am so very sorry that you all have experienced your losses. Thank you for replying to my post - I'm glad to know I'm not alone, but it unfortunately means we're all in the same boat.

northshore25 · February 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. And for your inconsiderate MIL. Wow, I can't believe she did that. So rude. I MC my first pregnancy and found out at 9 weeks. But to be honest, I knew before my appointment. I had not been cramping but all of my symptoms went away. I had this horrible feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. DH and I were beyond crushed when we found out. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

ksyknelvr73 · February 2010

I definitely knew as well. Our first u/s, I was supposed to be about 7weeks and the baby was measuring 6w1d. They weren't able to find a heartbeat but reassured me that things were "probably okay" and I'd need to have a follow-up. After that first appointment, I KNEW in my heart that it was over. I tried so hard to think positive and hoped for a miracle or that the doctors had been wrong, but I knew better deep down. We had two more u/s afterwards and both confirmed for me the end of things. My symptoms completely went away 2 days before our last u/s...so it was definite. I really do think you know deep down. I was also INCREDIBLY HESITANT to tell anyone!!!!! And scared to get excited. I never really did get excited b/c I was sure something was wrong.

golfing_girl73 · February 2010

These are all incredible stories...including your MIL!!

I thought I was the only one who had these feelings...nice to know I'm not crazy or was being negative when I should have been excited!

When we told my family over Christmas, I tried to be excited because that's how I knew I should feel. Honestly though - I was also thinking about how I would tell them when/if I miscarried. I kept telling my parents later on - "Once we hear the heartbeat..." using that u/s as the benchmark of when I was be truely excited. They pushed the thought out of their head every time.

Three days before our u/s I told my mother "Be prepared that there may not be a heartbeat because I don't feel pregnant today". Again - she blew it off as crazy. My gut told me that it was a very real possibility.

As we waited for our u/s I sat there thinking that it was too surreal that we would actually hear the heartbeat and much more real that we would not. When the u/s tech turned off the monitor after 4 minutes and left the room I told my DH "we're done" and he didn't want to believe it either. To call my parents after was so difficult because I knew they were excited - My mother says that after we hung up she was waiting for the phone to ring and for my to tell her that there had been a mistake.

I pray that with the next pregnancy, my instincts will again be correct - but that this time I will know that everything will be okay!

bohemianbeauty7 · February 2010

mrsmorris1:
I'm sorry for your loss and for your mil's insensitivity.

I somehow knew that things were going to end badly with this pg. I had super light spotting one day and when I went to bed that night I knew we were going to miscarry. I reached over and held my husband's hand while we fell asleep and I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Your story made me cry because I did the exact same thing with my last m/c (my third) I started bleeding in the middle of the night, got up and went to the bathroom, put on a pad, got back in bed, took my husband's hand and went back to sleep. I knew it was the end.

bohemianbeauty7 · February 2010

With my first pregnancy it was weird because I was really naive and didn't really think it could happen to me, but I had a bad feeling the entire time and was REALLY sick. With my second, I just sorta figured it would happen, but then got some hope because we had two great ultrasounds and great bloodwork, but once I saw spotting I knew. With my third, I pretty much knew it would miscarry from the time I got the BFP. Problem is, I'm not sure if I will ever feel positive about a pregnancy, ever.

mdm2137 · February 2010

I'm so sorry your MIL did that. I had extreme anxiety while I was pregnant, and I remember feeling uncomfortable when people would ask me if I planned to breastfeed, use cloth diapers, etc. I just felt like talking about those things felt "fake" and it was too soon. Looking back I think in the back of my mind I knew I would never get to that point with this baby.

Valjoy11 · February 2010

I had a very bad feeling the moment I saw brown spotting... even though it was my first pregnancy and we didn't get confirmation until almost 2 weeks later that it was a BO, when the spotting started I just prepared for the worst. I almost wasn't really surprised in a way.

We were just so shocked it had finally happened, especially since we both had gut feelings we weren't going to get KU until the spring or summer for some reason, so I didn't really get excited. I have to admit though that I have a fatalistic streak in me. DH thought everything was going to be fine the entire time, even after the betas came back not doubling! Truth be told, he optimism kind of annoyed me.

spincat9 · February 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story really resonated for me.

We decided a long time ago (before we were even married) that we wouldn't tell anyone we were pregnant until we got through the 1st trimester and heard a heartbeat. Given my age I was very nervous. We got pregnant on our first try and almost from the get go I thought there was something wrong. I was in the ER at 5 1/2 weeks w/severe abdominal pain and they couldn't find anything wrong so they supposed it was a ruptured ovarian cyst. The baby apparently died at 7 weeks, but we didn't know until I started miscarrying at 11 weeks. I never felt pregnant. I didn't put on a single pound. I was never sick or nauseous. I started having some cramping on a Wednesday and when I got home and saw the blood I knew. I called the dr. and my husband and they wanted to stay positive but I still just knew.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Reading all these stories I really do believe the body has a power to know when something is wrong. I'm praying for healthy babies for all of us.

crystabelle · February 2010

I had a dream two nights before I found out that the baby had stopped growing (a week earlier) that I was standing in a white room wearing all white and blood started dripping out of me. I woke up freaked out. We knew that there was a chance of this since the heartbeat had been weak the week before, but I still had hope up until the dream

Laurakat81 · February 2010

I think I "knew" as well. I kind of think I always knew in the back of my mind that I was going to miscarry but obviously I'm no psychic so I always assumed I was just paranoid since my mom had a miscarriage before me and my brothers were born.

When I got pregnant I certainly was not planning on miscarrying and was very hopeful that all would be okay. But there was this tiny voice in the back of my head that felt like it was more than just a worry.

I had my first check up at 5 weeks and 3 days and all that we could see was the gestational sac and yolk sac and my doctor assured me that was quite normal but I remember leaving the doctor's office and getting in the car and just crying. I'd read plenty of posts from girls who saw the fetal pole and even heartbeats at that stage and here I was with nothing to be seen. The doctor was not worried at all and wanted me to come back in in four weeks but i convinced her to let me come back in in two weeks just to ease my fears. During that two week wait for the next appointment my husband was really able to calm my fears and I was able to push the little voice in the back of my head away and I rarely thought about it. I actually thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy during that time. I thought that I was nuts for ever being so worried because after all the doctor was not worried, everything I read said it was okay, and I even felt so incredibly pregnant. But then literally 30 minutes before my next appointment that feeling came back and I knew...I mean I really knew that we weren't going to get good news. I said a prayer to God to get me through he heartache I knew was coming. And sure enough we found out that our baby had passed away a week before. I don't know how I knew...i was not having any physical symptoms of a loss. And I still felt very pregnant. It was still such a shock and has been such a heartbreaking journey.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hadn't been on this site in a few weeks. It still really pisses me off that people have to come here at all. It is so unfair.

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