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Success after IF
LCB34
member
Another S/O of surprise BFPs
LCB34
member
Does anyone else get sad (for themselves) when reading about the surprise BFPs?
I am so happy for the ladies that got so lucky but it just reminds me yet again that this will (most likely) be our only baby.
The chances are stacked against us and per both my RE and OB I really just need to have a hysterectomy after having this baby as my endo is starting to really mess with my non-reproductive organs (bowels and bladder).
We may try a FET with our lone frostie in a few years but it wasn?t the best quality when frozen so I doubt it will survive thaw.
While I am sad about the situation, part of me thinks it would probably be best for me mentally to just stay on BCP until my hysterectomy so that I don?t go crazy holding out hope for that surprise BFP that will pretty much never come.
Am I alone in these thoughts?
(And I really promise I LOVE hearing about SAIFers that get surprise BFPs ? this is just one of those IF wounds that I still carry I guess.)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Another S/O of surprise BFPs
Yes. I was just talking about this with someone, actually. I LOVE that SAIFers get surprise BFPs, but it does make me sad to realize we're probably one-and-done. It has nothing to do with reproduction and everything to do with the fact that 1) my husband thinks we'd be better off putting all our resources into one child and 2) my PPD scared and scarred him so badly that he's terrified of having another child. We had planned to just start trying again after the 6-week appt. and joked that we hoped we'd be one of those lucky couples for whom pregnancy "fixes" things. But now I'm on BCP instead.
Sigh.
I definitely have mixed feelings... while we still have reason to believe IVF can work for us again in the future, i have family members and friends who have struggled HARD to conceive 2nd children and have had nothing but failures, so my heart immediately goes out to them when I hear about surprise BFPs. because I know they would give anything to have an unplanned surprise.
I am so happy for them, and would be so thrilled to have a surprise BFP myself someday... but it definitely comes with feelings of sadness and unfairness, too.
Because we're fancy like that.
I hope it is ok that I respond. I always hoped I would get one, but did not have confidence that I would.
TTC brings out MAJOR anxiety (read crazies) in me. DH and I have discussed, and were discussing going on BCP until ready to see the RE in a few years because of what the possibility of getting pregnant or not does to my mind.
Since Lincoln came, I just kept it in my mind that As of THIS date, I am calm, and not obsessing about it. I always knew that tomorrow could be different, but for now that was how I felt. I had to purposefully remind myself that plans were fluid, and could change, and when we are done with our childbearing years, we will see our family as perfect. I had faith that God was not going to let me feel like I had failed in that area. (Not that I would get what I wanted necessarily, but that I would be content with what we had)
Having a hysto. is a BIG decision, and if staying on BCP for a while can control your endo, I would do that until you see a more clear picture of what your family is going to look like.
And yes the wounds of IF do not ever heal..... at least mine have not yet.
There are a few instances that give me hope, but many make me sad for me too - only because our odds are so, so low and it's a reminder that I will probably not ever experience that moment of shock and surprise and wonder and joy.
I totally get where you're coming from. Totally.
ETA: my feelings are also complicated by the fact that if we DO get a miracle pg I will immediately be terrified for the baby since our problem seems to be "bad" eggs, AND I will be very nervous about the ramifications for Sam, since any sibling would be a half sibling. Add to that the fact that I already feel guilty for wanting a surprise BFP since it necessarily implies that I want a biological child - as though Sam isn't enough.
All of this would have been avoided if we had been lucky enough to have any frosites from our DE cycle but alas - we did not.
Boo.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
This Exactly. I don't think I would have been able to say it any better.
I don't think that we will ever be able to get a surprise BFP. Unless DH comes off his ulcer meds (which he can't or he will end up in the ER with a bleeding ulcer again) as well as all the other problems that he has got. We are fortunate enough though to have 4 frozen and I hope that I get to use them sooner rather then later. But I think the "surprise" aspect is out the window for us..
Yeah, chances are Dillon is my one and only. I have no hope of a surprise - DOR, AMA and the fact that we never once used BC since we got married (not always actively TTC, but never preventing). SO all that means unless we want to do IVF again, which we can't afford, this will be the end of the line. I do not want to stretch myself thin on a non existing baby when I could give that to Dillon.
In a way, I don't want to start TTC, because I am afraid I will live in the land of the lost again. In another way, I want that hope and that miracle. So right now, I am sort of figuring this all out. Acceptance of having an only child and going on BC or trying for a miracle that most likely won't happen.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
i fully understand where you are coming from. i have no idea if a surprise bfp is possible for me, i mean i could be one of those people that pregnancy fixes my pcos, but who knows.
it just seems unrealistic right now for me to be able to get pregnant again fertility treatments or not. bedrest from 16 weeks on is hard enough to deal with when it's just mh the dogs and i, i can't imagine these kind of restrictions with 2 children to care for. so this most likely will be my only pregnancy.
totally- the chances of a suprise BFP with 2 blocked tubes & MFI is slim to none. the husband always says "it could happen!" but i'm more realistic.
yes we're doing an FET within the next few months, but there is no guar. that will work. it bums me out that i even have to consider "well if this doesn't work then...?"
but i'm always happy when a SAIFer gets a suprise BFP- makes me smile a bit more than it make me sad for me
look at the birds | bless this food
Yes, it makes me sad for me. We tried for one and didn't get it. It sucks that IVF really is our only option, and even that isn't a sure thing. Not to mention how much we are going to have to pay. We already spent more money to get Paige than what we paid for my car (and I have a Lexus SUV!! ha!!) and it just sucks that we are having to do it all over again. But I want another baby enough to do it.
I am always happy for BFPs here and on IF. We all deserve to have as many kids as we want! So...happy for them, sad for me.
Thanks for admitting these feelings, girls. I share so many of them but have felt too guilty to admit it on my own.
We're pretty unlikely to have a surprise BFP, given DH's MFI and even if we do get one, more than likely we'd lose it before I even knew I was pregnant. I need pretty serious hormonal support to keep a pregnancy going, ideally in the LP. I hope we'll be able to attempt IVF again, but we're still paying off the last one, so it just might not be a reality for us. I have a moment of sadness just about every day in thinking Ollie might be our one and only.
And as much as anything, I am again reminded of how IVF changed me. I hate that it has stopped me from being 100% happy for someone else's reproductive triumphs - I can't seem to take my own situation out of the equation anymore. So I feel terrible for worrying about myself instead of rejoicing wholeheartedly for someone else. I am thrilled for them - everyone deserves to have the family they desire - but sad for myself.
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
I can relate to this. We're not in quite the same situation, as I don't have endo issues and it's quite possible we'll be able to have another via IVF someday, but as far as not wanting to even wonder about a surprise BFP, I SO get that. I was planning on getting a hormonal IUD once I'm done BFing even though I wouldn't mind getting pregnant, but since I know how unlikely that is (and never get a period which my OB doesn't like) I don't want to deal with wondering and getting my hopes up. Even now while still BFing I've tested like 3 times because I thought maybe it could happen...I can't do that for the next 3 years or I'll go nuts.
This exactly.
I hate that we are feeling this way, but it feels good to know that I am not alone.
I am happy for all the BFPs for SAIFers--treatment and surprise. ..
But I do get sad. We are "one and done". It is very unlikely that we would get pregnant on our own (I think that we have a fertilization problem), but we won't be trying. I felt miserable during most, no, all of my pregnancy. And then to have developed HELLP Syndrome at the bitter end and gotten so sick is more than we dare risk again. Add to that the post partum depression and anxiety that I'm dealing with. . . .not to mention I'm AMA and I would have to go off of my ADD medications...clearly--we are done, for many good reasons. But that doesn't mean I don't wish it were different.
But, there is a big difference between zero children and one child. I am beyond thankful for my precious little boy and that makes it much better. I am blessed and I try to remind myself of that whenever I start to feel badly. I have more than, at one point, I dared hope for.