Re: Ashdonne's situation....

princess101 · February 2010

If my DH got drunk and was asking me if I was going to work the next day or whatever and never came home that night I'd be wondering if he was cheating. Especially if this wasn't the first time.

I know my Dh would never do something like that but i'd definitely want to know where/when/what he was doing and "I passed out" would so NOT fly with me.

Maybe i'm a beyotch but I don't think i'd be here when he got home if DH pulled something like that.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES PEOPLE!

dmogmo · February 2010

buckin · February 2010

I agree. Sounds extremely fishy to me.

mrs.maybride · February 2010

I don't know. I can see it happening ONCE. Maybe even once a year (especially if I knew the friends he was with, because his friends are my friends and they're all married).

But if it happened more than once, or became a habit, it's not that I wouldn't be there, but he'd have a bag on the front steps and a screwdriver would be broken off in the lock if it was too late at night for me to have the lock changed.

tamerbelles · February 2010

I agree that when it has happened more than once, I would find a hotel for a little while and make him think about what he's done.

However, I do not think that two binge drinking incidents necessarily mean he's cheating. Just MHO.

lo45fd98wq32 · February 2010

I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

baze2 · February 2010

tamerbelles:
I agree that when it has happened more than once, I would find a hotel for a little while and make him think about what he's done.
However, I do not think that two binge drinking incidents necessarily mean he's cheating. Just MHO.

baze2 · February 2010

tamerbelles:
I agree that when it has happened more than once, I would find a hotel for a little while and make him think about what he's done.
However, I do not think that two binge drinking incidents necessarily mean he's cheating. Just MHO.

baze2 · February 2010

So sorry for the double post with no comment. Not really sure what happened. I agree with Tamer but I wouldn't get a hotel. I would not through my babies schedule and routine off.

princess101 · February 2010

I guess I should add that it's not the binge drinking in itself, it's the not calling, the questions about her plans for the next day and his lack of communication altogether. DH can go out and drink with friends and stay out til whenever but he keeps in touch and i know where he is and who he is with and it's not a suprise.The lack of regard for his child and his wife would be my problem and that shouldn't be tolerated IMO.

akalutts · February 2010

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

This, except my DH doesn't drink, so if he were, there would be a really big problem.

buckin · February 2010

tamerbelles:

I agree that when it has happened more than once, I would find a hotel for a little while and make him think about what he's done.

However, I do not think that two binge drinking incidents necessarily mean he's cheating. Just MHO.

TWO times, plus not answering the phone, being deceptive, asking when you are going to work etc, plus the douchey things that have gone on with his family? He may not be cheating but he's nowhere close to wining husband of the year award either.

Screw the hotel idea, make his arse stay somewhere else and THINK about things. Maybe his friend with the bigass TV will put his arse up for a weekend and really live up the bachelor life like he seems to want.

Alex17 · February 2010

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

I agree with this. But, I would be a little wierded out if I didn't know the people where he was "passed out."

murphyec · February 2010

Ehh if it happened once in a blue moon, I wouldn't say anything to DH about it. I trust him completely, if he says he passed out at a friends house, then he did. If it was a regular occurrence, then I would make a huge stink about it.

mrs.maybride · February 2010

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

Oh, I'd be pissed, but I don't think I'd jump immediately to "he must be cheating." I'm not so naive to think that it could never happen to me, but I'm secure enough in my marriage and I have enough trust in my H for that to not be the first place my mind went. If he'd ever given me half a reason to suspect cheating, though, we'd have a different story on our hands.

NavyClan · February 2010

Maybe I'm naive, but under the same circumstances I wouldn't think to question cheating. I'd be pissed as hell and there would be words, but I would never jump to cheating.

lo45fd98wq32 · February 2010

mrs.maybride:

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

Oh, I'd be pissed, but I don't think I'd jump immediately to "he must be cheating." I'm not so naive to think that it could never happen to me, but I'm secure enough in my marriage and I have enough trust in my H for that to not be the first place my mind went. If he'd ever given me half a reason to suspect cheating, though, we'd have a different story on our hands.

Agreed. I'd think he's doing any number of things, but I wouldn't think he's cheating. He is far too lame to even think of it.

princess101 · February 2010

kdodge423:
What if he was passed out? What would you expect him to tell you beyond that? Ashdonne knows where he was, who he was with, and what he was doing. Covers everything you would want to know to think the he is not cheating.

But what do I know- apparently I don't even know how to stand up for myself.

I guess i'm naive on the "passing out" thing. I've never just outright "passed out" with no thought to my family.

I wasn't saying you couldn't stand up for yourself, I know that you can and do. I don't know why you thought I was referring to you.

mrs.maybride · February 2010

princess101:
I guess I should add that it's not the binge drinking in itself, it's the not calling, the questions about her plans for the next day and his lack of communication altogether. DH can go out and drink with friends and stay out til whenever but he keeps in touch and i know where he is and who he is with and it's not a suprise.The lack of regard for his child and his wife would be my problem and that shouldn't be tolerated IMO.

I totally agree with this. But I wouldn't jump to cheating. Just that my H was being a douchebag and was in serious need of a throatpunch.

princess101 · February 2010

I guess it depends on your DH then. I don't worry about my DH because he doesn't do this kind of thing. IF he did do something with such a lack of regard for me i'd want to know why he thought that was acceptable in the first place. The cheating thing was only because of how she described his actions and the asking questions about her whereabouts the next day etc. I'd find that odd for sure but that's just me.

baze2 · February 2010

I didn't take him asking about her the next day as anything but drunken garbled blabber. I don't think jumping to cheating is right.

I do think that he needs to be a little more responsible but people only treat us as we allow them to. Ashdonne, needs to sit his ass down and chew him out or whatever she thinks is right. But if she just holds agrudge for a little bit then blows it off, he will continue to be an asshat!

ashdonne · February 2010

AuntIsha:
mrs.maybride:

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

Oh, I'd be pissed, but I don't think I'd jump immediately to "he must be cheating." I'm not so naive to think that it could never happen to me, but I'm secure enough in my marriage and I have enough trust in my H for that to not be the first place my mind went. If he'd ever given me half a reason to suspect cheating, though, we'd have a different story on our hands.

Agreed. I'd think he's doing any number of things, but I wouldn't think he's cheating. He is far too lame to even think of it.

LOL I love this---exactly how I feel about the cheating thing right now---too lame to pull it off.

To the OP: When I talked to him last night at 3am he was completely wasted and didn't even make sense so I don't know that he even knew what day it was so it didn't strike me as weird that he asks if I was going to work. I have a regular daily M-F work schedule so there is no reason that I would not be at work that day.

There has never been any reason I would have to get suspicious of cheating---if there was I would probably be worried about that. He has a gambling and possible drinking problem and those are the issues I am having with him right now. If it became a habit of him not coming home, first of all I would not be around for that and secondly I would think he was possibly cheating if it were a habit.

I have already made an appointment with a counselor today for next week. I am hoping he will go with me but if not I will be going alone. I am not so naive to think that marriage does not need work sometimes so I am willing to put in the work and keep things together as long as he is too. If he refuses to go to counseling, then he is going to have to move in with his parents for a while. The house is my house and I am not leaving but I don't want him there if he is not going to try. If that doesn't qualify as standing up for myself then I don't know what does.

nikkifudgestick · February 2010

I wouldn't worry so much about his questions because I've been drunk and repeated a question or something that was on my mind before I started drinking and if he passed out, he was obviously pretty far gone. Which isn't right, but I don't think it would be enough to make me leave.

What would have bothered me is just not coming home when he said he would and especially when there's a baby at home. I should probably post this in Ashdonne's post, but I really think he's just trying to hold on to being a kid and this is his way of coping with becoming a parent. It's not a good way and that needs to be resolved, but I don't think he's necessarily a bad person for it.
I'm saying this without knowing the other family things y'all are talking about though so maybe I'm way off base.

princess101 · February 2010

ashdonne:
AuntIsha:
mrs.maybride:

AuntIsha:
I have a hard time with plans changing last minute, and DH knows this. If he had planned to be out drinking, I wouldn't have been phased. If he had planned to be playing video games and home by a certain time to help care for our child, I'd of been pissed, no question.

Oh, I'd be pissed, but I don't think I'd jump immediately to "he must be cheating." I'm not so naive to think that it could never happen to me, but I'm secure enough in my marriage and I have enough trust in my H for that to not be the first place my mind went. If he'd ever given me half a reason to suspect cheating, though, we'd have a different story on our hands.

Agreed. I'd think he's doing any number of things, but I wouldn't think he's cheating. He is far too lame to even think of it.

LOL I love this---exactly how I feel about the cheating thing right now---too lame to pull it off.

To the OP: When I talked to him last night at 3am he was completely wasted and didn't even make sense so I don't know that he even knew what day it was so it didn't strike me as weird that he asks if I was going to work. I have a regular daily M-F work schedule so there is no reason that I would not be at work that day.

There has never been any reason I would have to get suspicious of cheating---if there was I would probably be worried about that. He has a gambling and possible drinking problem and those are the issues I am having with him right now. If it became a habit of him not coming home, first of all I would not be around for that and secondly I would think he was possibly cheating if it were a habit.

I have already made an appointment with a counselor today for next week. I am hoping he will go with me but if not I will be going alone. I am not so naive to think that marriage does not need work sometimes so I am willing to put in the work and keep things together as long as he is too. If he refuses to go to counseling, then he is going to have to move in with his parents for a while. The house is my house and I am not leaving but I don't want him there if he is not going to try. If that doesn't qualify as standing up for myself then I don't know what does.

Ok. He's your husband, you know him, I don't. Glad you have a plan. I hope it all works out for the best and he can step up and get over his attempt at reclaiming his youth.

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