The Importance Of Thank You

CashewsMommy · February 2010

I went to a baby shower back in the beginning of November with a bunch of my family members. We finally recieved a thank you note today. It was just a generic "Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness" note with a picutre of her son.

I have already heard from my grandmother, aunt, cousin and my mother complaining about it. They complained about the way it was generic computer printed and not personal. They complained about how late it was, and keep telling me not to make the same "mistakes" when it comes time for my shower.

So when it comes to thank you notes from showers... what do you like about them when you get them? When it comes to your shower, how do you plan on writing (or how did you write) your thank you notes?

crysmike · February 2010

She printed them off of a computer? Wow! I think that prompt thank you notes are so important. After the wedding, I sent them all within a month (within 2 weeks of returning from the honeymoon). I sent them all at the same time (in case aunts compared notes!). I also think that handwriting them is important, as is referring to the specific gift that the person gave you. I also try to throw something personal in - like commenting on a conversation we had or how the gift will be used. This isn't to say that I'm critical of other people's notes or anything - these are just my personal thank you note rules.

Chicwed · February 2010

crysmike:
I also think that handwriting them is important, as is referring to the specific gift that the person gave you. I also try to throw something personal in - like commenting on a conversation we had or how the gift will be used.

AMEN SISTER!! I totally agree with you. Not only should this rule apply to thank you notes, but also birthday cards and christmas/ holiday cards.

tyke29 · February 2010

I recieved a wedding gift Thank you card that was a photo card (like xmas) that had the couples wedding picture and a general thank you for being a part of this special time in our lives. I really liked it. I did not think it was in bad taste at all. They personally sent them to everyone and did sign them. But things like this don't bother me. I am fine with a verbal thank you at a shower. If I am not present then an email or card is nice so that I can know the person received the gift.

paxilchyk · February 2010

With all three of my wedding showers I wrote my thank you's the day after. In each note I tried to include a personal touch either about the gift or about my relationship with that person. My mom got lots of compliments on my notes! I intend to do the same with baby shower gifts. Sadly the wedding thank you's were a little less timely and personal but I had a lot more to write at one time and one can only write so many before they all start sounding the same!

sugarland726 · February 2010

They must be handwritten and nothing makes me happier (as both a received and sender of cards) to have them done within a week. If people took the time to shop for me then I feel I should express my thanks promptly. They should be written with specific thanks for the gift, perhaps your thoughts on said item, and possibly usage (maybe not with a breast pump!)

Ex. Thank you so much for the diaper cake! As a new mom you know how many diapers we'll be going through, so I can't have enough! It meant so much to me that you could come to my shower. I can't wait to get our little ones together for play dates!

The most important thing (to me) is that it must be heartfelt. It is bothersome to receive what you know is the same message in every card, and to me, borderline offensive when I don't receive the card within a few weeks.

bloverly · February 2010

YES! My area of expertise...I love correspondence and stationary and etiquette. Good thank you's consist of 3 main goals. 1) Thank the person for their thoughtfulness, gift, generosity, etc. 2) Tell the person how you will use the item, or how excited you are to get it because you'd been hoping to receive it...ie, "The Boppy and cover are perfect! I've heard that they are so useful and comfy for both me and the baby. I cannot wait to give it a try!". And 3), to again thank them for coming to the shower, or for being thoughtful enough to send a gift, etc. It's always nice to add in something about hoping to see them soon or something of a similar nature. If money is given, you don't have to say the specific amount, but it is good to mention what you think you might use it for. HTH!

mr&mrswelch · February 2010

handwritten

personalized

mention of specific gift(s)

plans for/other comment regarding specific gift(s)

thank you

sent out w/in 2weeks

ImBatmom2507 · February 2010

tyke29:
... this don't bother me. I am fine with a verbal thank you at a shower. If I am not present then an email or card is nice so that I can know the person received the gift.

This. If I'm told "Thank You" at the shower, that's enough for me. I don't get upset if I don't get a card, because the shower wasn't for me, it was for them, and at least I got to help make it special. I personally hate having to write out 200+ "Thank You" cards after every occasion. (DH has a LARGE family.)

stgn01 · February 2010

mr&mrswelch:
handwritten
personalized
mention of specific gift(s)
plans for/other comment regarding specific gift(s)
thank you
sent out w/in 2weeks

This is exactly what I do. MIL's friend that was at my bridal shower and invited to my baby shower was joking with me that I probably have half of my thank-you's written b/c I was so timely with them for the bridal shower.

One of my really good friends got married in June 2007. I'm still waiting for a thank you note from her shower and her wedding! Some people just don't do the whole "good manners" thing.

cookieinva · February 2010

I think I have a double standard in that I don't care too much what people say or send to me yet I have strong feelings about what I should be sending out. Not sure why, but that's how I feel. If someone gives me a verbal thank you or whatever I'm fine with that. But if I'm sending out thank you's, they must be handwritten, even though my handwriting sucks bad, and they should be sure to not only thank someone for their specific gift and mention how it may be used but should also clearly thank someone for taking the time to attend your shower (or how sorry you were that they couldn't make it and you missed seeing them). Timeliness is good, though I know I was really timely with my wedding shower ones and not so good with the wedding ones. I forgive timeliness to a certain extent if it is a good, genuine, handwritten thank you (as opposed to a late generic one).

Daisy41459 · February 2010

mr&mrswelch:
handwritten
personalized
mention of specific gift(s)
plans for/other comment regarding specific gift(s)
thank you
sent out w/in 2weeks

This exactly. Although I will admit, I wasn't as prompt with my wedding thank yous as I should've been.

Also, if you send a gift without attending the shower/wedding, you should get a thank you (preferably handwritten, but I'd even accept a verbal one) immediately so the person knows that the gift was received.

DH and I sent his co-worker a fairly expensive wedding gift and it was delivered during their honeymoon. Months went by without any mention of it. I was worried it wasn't delivered/someone stole it/etc. I finally had to confront the bride about it (awkward!) and she said, "Oh yeah. We got it. I just don't do thank you notes"...so guess what? She's also pregnant with her first and she will not be getting a baby gift from us.

kasslynne · February 2010

Our wedding thank you's were out 2 weeks after the wedding (The 1st week we were on our honeymoon).

They were hand written and we even received thank you's for the personalized thank you's to them!

Andjen · February 2010

I believe that you have a year after the event to get the cards out. The sooner the better but especially if you have a large event (like a wedding) people shouldn't expect it like the next week. That being said, all the cards should be hand written and should be somewhat personalized. Like: "Thank you so much for the wonderful outfit. I can't wait to see the new baby in it!"

If you know the guest list you can always start pre-writing the cards before the shower and then just personalize it when you know what you received.

Andjen · February 2010

Andjen:
I believe that you have a year after the event to get the cards out. The sooner the better but especially if you have a large event (like a wedding) people shouldn't expect it like the next week.

Shower cards should be sent out a lot sooner. My showers always had a lot of people so it took me like a month. And on our way to our honeymoon we were writing out the envelopes from the wedding. Those took like 6months to get out.

Dreamsicle23 · February 2010

As long as it's prompt and at least somewhat personal it's fine. A big stack of cards all computer printed and exactly the same is just lazy, IMO.

sugarland726 · February 2010

Andjen:

I believe that you have a year after the event to get the cards out. The sooner the better but especially if you have a large event (like a wedding) people shouldn't expect it like the next week.

The only thing you ever had a year for was for the actual wedding, and to my knowledge that has been bumped up to six months. Showers are one month. Personally, I still think that it shouldn't take you anywhere near six months to provide a thank you note post wedding. It's not like we're writing a novel here. It is what, roughly six or so sentences? (And I do not mean this to be confrontational in the least!)

We did not prewrite any wedding thank you notes, but wrote them on our honeymoon, both during the flight and one morning in our room. They were mailed out from Honolulu on Wednesday after the wedding. All of my shower notes will be in the mail by the Wednesday following the shower.

bloverly · February 2010

sugarland726:
Andjen:

I believe that you have a year after the event to get the cards out. The sooner the better but especially if you have a large event (like a wedding) people shouldn't expect it like the next week.

The only thing you ever had a year for was for the actual wedding, and to my knowledge that has been bumped up to six months. Showers are one month. Personally, I still think that it shouldn't take you anywhere near six months to provide a thank you note post wedding. It's not like we're writing a novel here. It is what, roughly six or so sentences? (And I do not mean this to be confrontational in the least!)

We did not prewrite any wedding thank you notes, but wrote them on our honeymoon, both during the flight and one morning in our room. They were mailed out from Honolulu on Wednesday after the wedding. All of my shower notes will be in the mail by the Wednesday following the shower.

Emily Post says 2-3 weeks I believe. Now obviously if you go into labor right after the shower, or if your honeymoon was extended, etc, people understand. You don't have a year. How would you feel if you spend time and effort to get someone a special gift and they didn't bother to thank you for an entire year? I'd be pretty miffed. With baby items, baby might have outgrown it before the thank you is in the mail at that rate! Eep!

MWoodside · February 2010

I send handwritten thank you notes that reference the gift given & how I felt about it (example: It was my favorite gift, I can't wait to use it for ..., etc). Thank you notes should be sent timely, for my shower I plan to get them out within 2 weeks.

ryaroberts · February 2010

Hmmm, I guess I just don't care that much about Thank You cards. A simple, verbal, "Thanks for the gift!" works for me.

ariel06 · February 2010

bloverly:
YES! My area of expertise...I love correspondence and stationary and etiquette. Good thank you's consist of 3 main goals. 1) Thank the person for their thoughtfulness, gift, generosity, etc. 2) Tell the person how you will use the item, or how excited you are to get it because you'd been hoping to receive it...ie, "The Boppy and cover are perfect! I've heard that they are so useful and comfy for both me and the baby. I cannot wait to give it a try!". And 3), to again thank them for coming to the shower, or for being thoughtful enough to send a gift, etc. It's always nice to add in something about hoping to see them soon or something of a similar nature. If money is given, you don't have to say the specific amount, but it is good to mention what you think you might use it for. HTH!

It drives me crazy when people do really generic thank you's or don't do them at. We still haven't gotten a thank you note from a wedding we went to in August.

AmandaJane1 · February 2010

I really liked the Thank You note my friend sent me after her wedding- it was a photo of her and her DH and a "thank you for sharing this special day with us". I thought it was a nice way to do it. I'm personally not offended by notes that aren't handwritten, but I'm not really picky about that stuff. My friend also comes from a culture where they don't do thank you notes, so the fact that she did them anyway was a big deal. I am contemplating doing the same kind of Thank You note when DD is born- a cute baby photo and a thank you- my friends and family aren't that picky either.

vegandy · February 2010

I think that's super tacky. I have always loved received paper mail, so I send thank you's out for everything and always make them personal. I'm going to make sure at our shower that someone writes down what was received and by whom.

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