Tired of the comments...(natural birth)

feellikeaqueen · February 2010

Just a little vent... It seems everytime I mention I am planning a natural birth - no meds - I get some comment like "You're crazy!" or "That's just stupid." "Honey, you will be begging for the meds, you just wait." I really hate it when people kinda chuckle and say 'oh, you will change your mind, believe me." The winner is, " You know honey, it doesn't make you a stronger woman to say you did it naturally. It's ok to have the meds, it's so much better." (My MIL!)

Anyone else getting this? How do you respond?

Wendy525 · February 2010

Just say "We'll see how it goes I guess. Big Smile "

BelhurstBride · February 2010

And people make comments if you say you're going to use the drugs. The less information you give people the less comments they can make. Otherwise, you need to just suck it up and deal, everyone has something to say about pregnancy and birth.

niccole_e · February 2010

well if it makes you feel any better when I was pregnant with my first and said I was doing and epi I got the comments for doing that...I've learned with this one to not even bother stating what my plan is b/c to be honest I don't even know.

BabyCakes3 · February 2010

When people would ask me with DD if I was getting an epidural. I fully intended on going natural but I would just say "I would love to go natural but we'll have to wait & see" I'm a sissy but I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to but I wanted to just to show all those people who said I couldn't that I COULD!

Everyone has there little comments they need to make! Mine is....

You can do it! Just plan for it & stay home & relax for as long as you can.

star173 · February 2010

I think people speak out of insecurity or ignorance when they make those comments. Honestly, I've never heard of or read about anyone wanting to go med free to be "stronger", my goodness.

I just stopped telling people- or I say, "I'm going to try it without drugs and see how it goes", or something. Especially since I did get the epi last time, I doubt anyone thinks I'll go through with it this time. Just try to use those naysayers as motivation when/if you are tempted to get drugs- prove them wrong, lol.

seells · February 2010

I'm getting the opposite! I plan on getting an epidural and I keep getting questions why I don't want to go natural and how I'm gonna be a horrible mother for putting my own needs of wanting an epidural before my child.

I just tell them to blow it. My body, my baby, my choice.

amstep · February 2010

Yeah, we all learn to tell them less the 2nd time around. I did mine virtually med-free (epi fell out at the end) but I didn't mean to. You can't really plan for labor, unless you just plan to go with whatever happens. It's just too crazy once you get there. Good luck!

MrsEmm · February 2010

i wouldnt talk about it because I didnt want them to be able to say 'told you so' if things went differently.?

Now that Ive done it twice they know I will again most likely and they just give me that look of "why?!?!" lol. oh well - who cares what they think???

Mrs. Reckling · February 2010

I get it all the time too. I just smile and say "I guess we'll see"

LaurelBee · February 2010

I'm pretty sure I will ask for the epi, but I also want to hold out to see what labor pains truely feel like before making that decision. I told a friend this and she said- "Don't be a hero- get the epidural." and I said "What one woman can do, another can do!"

*speedracer* · February 2010

i just don't tell people. none of their biznazzz anyway.

MWoodside · February 2010

I just don't bring it up. At all. That way no commentary is solicited. It allows me to avoid any prospective negetivity surrounding my birth plan.

PSUBean22 · February 2010

screw them!! hahaha...I did it naturally the first time and I am planning on doing it again and people STILL comment.

DorothyandMatt · February 2010

I hear you! ?It's very annoying!

flippy1234 · February 2010

Just be careful what you do say to them.. I really really really wanted to go natural with my first. Took classes, read books.. etc etc. When it came time to give birth I just could not handle the pain and had to get an epidural I was dissapointed in myself at first.. but now I don't really care. At the end of the day a healthy baby is what is important.

BlondiePhD · February 2010

I think sometimes women with experience birthing a child respond to the whole 'delivering naturally' speech with the same attitude as when non-runners talk about doing a marathon before they've even started training - it'd be great if you manage to pull it off but their doubtful that you will.

Linds&Chris777 · February 2010

With DS I didn't necc. plan a natural birth, I just wanted to do it as natural as possible but was not at all opposed to the meds. So whenever it got brought up I pretty much said "we'll see how it goes, I want to go as natural as possible" and that's when I would get the comments. You just have to ignore it.

feellikeaqueen · February 2010

Thanks everyone! It was so frustrating in the beginning - I have learned my lesson, the more info you share the better!

I'm a little emotional today and it just grated on me the wrong way - thanks for listening and the support! You guys are the best!!

mrs.mickulz · February 2010

I think the best canned response is "we'll see how it goes." Because, you DON'T know what's going to happen and you also don't know what your personal pain tolerance is until you get there. I was fully prepared to ask for the epidural (and did), but my labor progressed too quickly so I ended up going naturally.

My favorite part of pregnancy (dripping with sarcasm): the unsolicited advice!

smittysoup · February 2010

It used to bother me, but now I see it as a great opportunity to explain to people why I want a natural birth.

There are a ton of reasons to avoid interventions, and very few on why to get them, so you definitely have the upper hand.

AllieJean · February 2010

I get this too and Im planning a home birth so I might even get it a bit worse. Im doing hypnobabies and we are supposed to use a Bubble of Peace but I kind of think that is a load, I do try to ignore people though or stop them at least before they can spill their whole horror story.

micaelasmakeup · February 2010

I try to keep my mouth shut but it's so hard! Why!!??!! I just don't understand natural childbirth. I mean it's totally your decision but don't be so confused why ppl have something to say about it. especially ppl who have been through it our most importantly love you and don't want to see you in pain! (aka MIL mom and other family)

engd4evr · February 2010

This is just the beginning.....people you don't even know will question ALL of your choices about your labor, delivery, and then the parenting decisions...yikes!!! ...believe me, you can't get upset or offended about all of these comments.....if you're committed to a choice or even just considering it you have to overlook the comments....people just don't think, they want to be all BTDT or "I know someone who...." but they just don't think...If you want to go natural, go natural and don't feel you need to defend it. I'm sure you have researched it and prepared for it (or plan to).

smittysoup · February 2010

micaelasmakeup:
I try to keep my mouth shut but it's so hard! Why!!??!! I just don't understand natural childbirth. I mean it's totally your decision but don't be so confused why ppl have something to say about it. especially ppl who have been through it our most importantly love you and don't want to see you in pain! (aka MIL mom and other family)

Every intervention you have increases the risk of c-section. C-sections are not desireable for a number of reasons, primarily longer recovery times, increased risk of infection, increased risk of uterine rupture, and increased danger of complications with future pregnancies.

If you want to know reasons not to get an epidural specifically, here sme possibilities, in no particular order:

1. You cannot move around when you have an epidural. At best, you can hope to shuffle if you can even get out of bed. Moving around is very important during the later phases of labor because you may have a difficult time getting LO shifted down and need to try different positions. lying flat on your back is literally the worst position for providing space in your pelvis to get the head through, and you are more likely to end up in an emergency c-section this way.

2. Many times you will be catheterized when you get an epidural, because you can't pee.

3. You will be automatically put on an IV when you have an epidural. The fluids will cause swelling. They may also cause your blood pressure to drop, leading to other meds being added to stabalize you. It may take several days to a week+ for your body to return to a normal fluid level. Meanwhile you get to have swollen limbs, hands and feet.

4. An epidural is known to slow down labor, especially when given too early. If your contractions don't continue as expected, you will be given pitocin to augment your labor. As soon as pitocin is introduced, your risk of c-section goes up to 50%.

5. Epidurals don't always work. They may have to be inserted multiple times, and may not ever work.

6. Some women who get an epidural end up with a spinal headache due to improper insertion that is incredibly painful and lasts for days.

I'm sure there are more, that's all I can come up with off the top of my head.

tracy41 · February 2010

The only person whose comments bother me is DH. Especially since I am going to be depending on him being there and talking me through it. I think he's coming around, but I am considering a doula just in case. Everyone else I give the "we'll see how it goes" comment since it's none of their business.

kcox123 · February 2010

I wouldn't worry about it. Just let it roll off you. Your satifsaction will be achieving your goal and if the smart @sses are nosy enough to ask afterward you can proudly say - yeah, I did it med-free and it was great.

I never wanted to do a med-free birth but my 2nd went so fast I didn't have a choice.. Now I am hoping for another med-free this time around.. It was so much better. I never would have thought that either.

Dawson56 · February 2010

i get it all of the time too.. what i tell them is that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time and that if they can do it then i'm sure i can do it too. also, i tell them that an having an epi is just not a risk that i'm willing to take for that sake of my comfort! that usually shuts them up pretty quickly!

KeepingItLowKey · February 2010

I got those comments, and it was just more motivation to get through it... and it's nice to tell those people it really wasn't that bad- because it wasn't.

It's so different for everyone and I hate when people think that their experience must apply to everyone.

KeepingItLowKey · February 2010

micaelasmakeup:
I try to keep my mouth shut but it's so hard! Why!!??!! I just don't understand natural childbirth. I mean it's totally your decision but don't be so confused why ppl have something to say about it. especially ppl who have been through it our most importantly love you and don't want to see you in pain! (aka MIL mom and other family)

There are so many reasons people choose to go natural. If you look into it, I'm sure you'd understand, even if you decide it's not for you.

mr&mrswelch · February 2010

just smile and nod (:

carepear · February 2010

I feel your frustration. Everyone has an opinion. But really, I do not want to hear their negativity. People saying "you can't" over and over again helps no one.

Going natural isn't for everyone but why do they need to give me/us their opinions on it?

I'm not going around telling people they are crazy for getting an epidural (I secretly think they are but I would never poop on someone's party).

AmandaJane1 · February 2010

I get this all the time...drives me nuts. I just either say "i'm certainly going to give it my best shot" or I say something snide or sarcastic about being superwoman, or how epidurals can impede labor, or how i don't really feel like being drugged up when my baby is born.

VABride2008 · February 2010

" You know honey, it doesn't make you a stronger woman to say you did it naturally. It's ok to have the meds, it's so much better." (My MIL!)"

Yeah, my MIL said "there's no need to be a hero, it doesn't matter in the end" UGH, seriously? Thanks for the support!!

I get the same looks, comments, etc. when I mention cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and things that I will/will not allow my child to do/eat/drink/etc. when they get older. People will always have something to say, especially if it's not what they did. I think deep down they are jealous that they can't do it and I think some women turn it into a competition. More power to you and best of luck! I want to try all natural too. My mom went all natural with my brother and I. She is a very petite woman and she did just fine. Our bodies were meant to do this and so many people just take the easy route out these days (ie over half of my female friends don't know how to cook a homemade meal, if it doesn't come out of a can or box they don't make it). We've lost a lot of our values in today's lifestyles and I think we all need to make more of an effort to get back to some (not all) of those ways. Wow, sorry, rant over! I totally feel you on this subject though!

vegandy · February 2010

These responses totally fuel my fire to be able to do it naturally! When it gets tough and I am begging my doula/midwife to give me something, I'm totally going to use negative comments to get me through it.

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