name stealing or fair game?

nhstar · February 2010

I'm posting here because it is safer to me than the baby name board.

About two years ago, a friend I'll call Friend #1 (who was not pregnant) told another friend (#2) and I her baby girl name in passing. I kind of think it was her way of "claiming" it. The other friend, who was pregnant and didn't know the gender at the time, mentioned later that night to me that Friend #1's girl name was the one they had chosen if they were having a girl. She said she would have to talk to Friend #1 about it if they found out it was a girl, so it didn't sound like she was willing to change it. Friend #2 ended up having a boy and both friends have recently had boys. My friendship with both are much different now. Friend #1 and I are really not friends anymore and Friend #2 and I are more of acquiantances. Well, I am having a girl, and the baby girl name that was briefly discussed that night is one of our top picks. It's really the only name my DH likes; he picked it out and I love it too. Even though I'm barely friends with these girls I can't get past that she "called" the name. But they don't have girls and they might not ever have girls. Do I say something to them about it (which I really don't feel like I need their permission, and I think it would be totally awkward), or do I just name my baby and let them find out and talk bad about us, or do I move on to a new name? The name is gaining popularity, so it's not like it is something really obscure or unique.

Thanks for your help and I hope this wasn't too confusing!

vlewis515 · February 2010

I say if you're not really best friends with them anymore, who gives a crap what they think? Plus if they don't have girls, how are they seriously gonna try to claim a girl name?

knelli · February 2010

Its fair game.

It's not like it is your BFF or Sister or someone super close to you. I say if you and your DH love the name, use it.

Leah11599 · February 2010

I say... its your baby and name her whatever you want to name her. Its not really like stealing because they dont already have a girl by that name and because they aren't currently pg with a girl and have already planned to name her that.

So use it... who cares. They will get over it. Like you said, who knows if they will ever have girls anyways.

dkfitz07 · February 2010

Name your kid what you want.

We are naming ours the same name as DH's step sister. But they only got married last year and we see them like 3 times a year. It didn't even occur to me when we picked out the name...but oh well.

meggiejo · February 2010

Honestly I don't think there are "dibbs" on the name at all. My SIL had no shame in using our pick for a boy's name- we talked about our picks with my 1st loss and then she got pg between loss 1&2. I was still okay until loss 2, then she decided on our name shortly after my loss. I only got upset because it was like a slap in the face that she was pg and I had just lost my second. I think you are fine if you aren't close friends anymore. I would have been totally cool with SIL using our name if it hadn't been for my losses.

someflower6 · February 2010

definitely fair game. no one has a right to "claim" a name, especially before they even have the kid. and if in the future, the woman has a daughter and wants to use the name, she can-- there's no rule saying two people can't have the same name.

Jacquiemark · February 2010

knelli:

Its fair game.

It's not like it is your BFF or Sister or someone super close to you. I say if you and your DH love the name, use it.

Agreed.

Eviebee · February 2010

What's the name? And yes use it!

MamaNikita · February 2010

Definitely DON'T discuss it with them or ask their permission. Just do it. If they talk, they'll talk - most likely it will be between them and behind your back. If either actually says something to you about it, they're being obnoxious and childish.

Besides, people's tastes change over time as well. She may not even like the name anymore. The boy name I'd had picked out through childhood and for years before that I always said I'd name him, my husband hates the name. And now I've kind of outgrown it anyway.

nhstar · February 2010

Eviebee:
What's the name? And yes use it!

The name is Lillian.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I was just second guessing myself and needed a little reassurance.

Eviebee · February 2010

nhstar:
Eviebee:
What's the name? And yes use it!

The name is Lillian.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I was just second guessing myself and needed a little reassurance.

Beautiful!

Leah&Cole · February 2010

knelli:
Its fair game.

It's not like it is your BFF or Sister or someone super close to you. I say if you and your DH love the name, use it.

I totally agree... it's fair game.

someflower6 · February 2010

nhstar:

Eviebee:
What's the name? And yes use it!

The name is Lillian.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I was just second guessing myself and needed a little reassurance.

nevermind, i take back what i said, you can't use it. that's MY pick.

(j/k ;-)

JenyM · February 2010

Total fair game!

MSC03 · February 2010

Who gives a crap if it was their baby name they claimed a few years ago? Go for it if it's what you like. I mean, you're not related, it's not like the kids are going to get mixed up on Christmas.

I don't understand this whole "baby name claiming" thing if you're not immediate family... It reminds me of when brides would try to claim the entire month of their wedding as off limits for other weddings or events. It's just silly an unreasonable.

attyalice · February 2010

I say just do it... you aren't good friends or sisters... so there isn't really room for "dibbs" in this sort of situation.

If it was your BFF or your sister I would suggest that you talk it out first... but they aren't .

plus, they may never even have a girl.....

nhstar · February 2010

someflower6:
nhstar:

Eviebee:
What's the name? And yes use it!

The name is Lillian.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I was just second guessing myself and needed a little reassurance.

nevermind, i take back what i said, you can't use it. that's MY pick.

(j/k ;-)

Haha! I just saw your post above:)

Graciesue · February 2010

Seriously, friends come and go, but a babies name is forever. If I liked a name enough and my best friend in the whole world named their baby that name, I would still do it. I mean, how many people do you really have in common with your friends.

Good luck though. I know it can be a tense situation. I'm a strong believer in not calling names. My SIL who doesn't even really want kids has said that they want to name their daughter Bella. My DH and I really like Ella. I gave it a thought for about five seconds.

Staribeth · February 2010

someflower6:
definitely fair game. no one has a right to "claim" a name, especially before they even have the kid. and if in the future, the woman has a daughter and wants to use the name, she can-- there's no rule saying two people can't have the same name.

This!

use the name you love :-)

MSC03 · February 2010

nhstar:
someflower6:
nhstar:

Eviebee:
What's the name? And yes use it!

The name is Lillian.

Thanks for all your responses. I guess I was just second guessing myself and needed a little reassurance.

nevermind, i take back what i said, you can't use it. that's MY pick.

(j/k ;-)

Haha! I just saw your post above:)

*raises hand*

Mine too! But I called dibs on it when DH and I got married--5 years ago. I win. LOL

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