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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
KMLP
member
Two angel babies 11/09 and 4/10
Question for those of you who have lost a baby
KMLP
member
How do you or did you stay positive while TTC after your loss? This past month was the first month we tried after losing our baby in November. I am so frustrated because I stressed about it so much that I had delayed ovulation and our timing was terrible. I'm not surprised at all that I didn't get pregnant, but I feel so bummed. I start to get all worried that it isn't going to happen quickly like it has before, or that it might not even happen at all!
How do you not let TTC take over your life?? It also doesn't help that so many people on here are due around the same time I was due, but taking a bump break won't help because I have so many people IRL that are also pregnant or constantly announcing their pregnancies on facebook and I am insanely jealous. Then, of course, I feel terrible that I am jealous because that is wrong and I have a beautiful baby boy. I don't know, I am just rambling, but I really need some advice. Thanks.
Two angel babies 11/09 and 4/10
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Re: Question for those of you who have lost a baby
it was really, really hard, I'll admit. It took awhile for my body to get back into the swing of cycles after my m/c and I kept thinking about the "wasted time." It was hard to not get down about the situation. I just tried to focus on other things and think about TTC on the side. FWIW, It took us 5 months after my m/c to conceive DS.
Once I did conceive DS, I was very very nervous through the whole first trimester and basically had to wall off that part of my mind that asked all of the "what if" questions. Once I could feel DS move, I was more at ease because it was a daily reassurance.
I'm not sure if this is the type of thing that you want to hear right now, but I will say this... When I think about my m/c now, I think "if I hadn't had that miscarriage, I wouldn't have DS." It helps me feel less sad about it.
I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. But I want you to know that you are not alone. TTC after our loss did take over my life. Notice I said "my". I began to take charting seriously and would tell DH all that was going on. It was not good for us since he was of the kind of mind that wanted to just 'go with the flow'. It got very stressful. After a few months of trying after our loss, I decided that I was going to do my hardest not to let it control me anymore because I really didn't have any control over it whatsoever. And wouldn't you know that was the cycle we got pregnant with our newest little miracle.
During that time, I also had a close friend who got pregnant and was 2 weeks behind of me (if we hadn't lost the baby). Seeing her ready to pop now still hurts, I'm not going to lie. I really distanced myself from her and I think it put a small riff in our relationship. But it's what I needed to do for me at the time, and now we are working our way back to being closer again.
ETA - it took us 4 cycles after our m/c to get pregnant again
I had a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with my daughter and actually found TTC to be easier after, but I could also be jaded because we got pregnant right away.
I just recently was pregnant for a third time with our second. I lost the baby mid December at 18 weeks. This is actually the first time I have ever posted that and the hurt still feels just as strong. This pregnancy was a surprise for us, but made me realize how much I know want a second. We are going to wait to try again the end of this summer, but I am so anxious about it. I just dont think I can go through another miscarriage. Losing the baby at 18 weeks was so much worse than my first at 8 weeks. Ugh, I think I need to go lock myself in the my work bathroom. Even after two months it just hits me so hard. And I feel your pain, it seems like everyone is pregnant on the boards and all right around where I would have been.
Oh, hun, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a baby at 18 weeks. I'm sorry my post brought up painful memories. I hope we both have the best of luck trying for babies again. If you need anything or just someone to mourn with, please page or PM me. Thoughts and prayers sent your way. BTW, your little girl is adorable and I love her name!
Two angel babies 11/09 and 4/10
BIG {{{hugs}}}
It just gets easier with time.
I'm on my 4th cycle TTCAL and I'm finally at an ok point. I'm not angry anymore. The first couple of months were really hard because I REALLY thought I was KU; the BFNs and subsequent AF arrival crushed me.
Now I'm seeing all the girls who got pregnant when I did have their babies so it's a little hard in that aspect too. But I just keep moving along.
Ask me again after next month's EDD.
I'm so sorry for your loss
It is really hard. We got pregnant quickly for #1, very smooth uncomplicated pregnancy, pregnant very quickly for #2, great early U/S, perfect bloodwork then a surprise natural m/c at 9 weeks. We took 2 months off and then started TTC in September... still no luck. I pray a lot. I try to have faith that this is all God's plan and while I don't like it I have to have faith. I turned 40 a few months ago and it has made the pressure/stress worse because I know my clock is ticking. Ultimately, I get a lot of joy from DD and I try not to get myself too depressed. I have to admit though, there are tears every time AF arrives.
I had a m/c and surgery for a ruptured ectopic this summer and I had a really hard time emotionally afterward with thinking about ttc again, having to wait the required time off before we could try again, worrying about it taking a long time again, etc.
I decided that at first I would just use opk's and not be over-the-top in my planning. The first month, it didn't happen and to be honest, with how hard the m/c was, I was a little relieved. That second month though, I was way bummed when it didn't work out. The third month was the charm though!
I don't have great advice other than try to relax and trust there's a plan for you and your future baby...he/she will be conceived at just the right time. GL.
I'm so sorry, I know how tough it is. It took us a year to finally get pg and then I m/c'd. It was consuming my life completely, I was turning into a complete wreck. And I also had friends that were pg, one in paticular found out the same time we did, I won't lie it was very difficult to be around it at times.
I know it's easier said then done, but be kind to yourself. Do you have a hobby or something you really like doing? Something to focus your energy on. And I know not everyone understood, but they're were plenty of gatherings I opted out of, I just couldn't handle being in certain situations during that time.
And most importantly, don't give up hope. We went on to try for 10 more months after my m/c with no success. We decided to take a break because the Holidays were approaching and it was making me crazy, I just needed a break.......the next month I was pg w/DS. Those couple years where tough, but all I have to do is look at DS and know it was all worth it.
I'll let you know when and if I ever figure it out.
This was our first cycle trying since our loss in December and I'm only one day past ovulation and I'm already obsessing. For me the only thing I can do is know that I'm doing everything possible to make it happen. I chart because it makes me feel good to know what is going on with my body. I use a fertility monitor and opks because then I don't have to second guess when I may ovulate. I take my vitamins, drink plenty of water, try and eat better, etc. just to make myself feel more in control of a process I realize is impossible for me to control.
I needed IVF to get pregnant with our second and so this last pregnancy was a complete but very welcome surprise. I'm now hopeful that I will get pregnant again but truthfully I'm also scared to death that we'll be facing more fertility treatments. There's a reason why it is said that patience is a virtue. It's hard.
As for feeling jealous, that is only natural. Having a child does not make the pain of losing a child any easier. My only advice is to focus on what you can control and don't ever feel bad for grieving your loss.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
We waited almost a year before we tried again. I didn't miscarry though, our daughter was about 15 weeks old when she passed. The anxiety of it happening again was almost unbearable and we went through grief counseling. It helped but time is what helped the most.
Let me tell you though I was terrified about getting pregnant again. I had blamed myself for her passing even though the doctors said I did nothing wrong. I had gotten to the point where I knew I was never going to be at peace about TTC so if I was going to do it, I was going to do it scared. I just had to accept the fact that I was going to be scared. It took 3 months to get pregnant again and the first trimester I was pretty nervous. But with each month, each appointment and each ultrasound I felt a little bit better. The biggest relief was the 20 week ultrasound when they look at my second daughter's heart. Oh it was such a relief to hear she was perfect. I felt tremendously better. However up until the point of delivery I still had a feeling something bad was going to happen again. It never did. That day I actually got to come home with a baby was one of the happiest of my life.